ML: Well, I don't know where exactly to start... today really hasn't been the best day for me, I woke up with a splitting headache.
I: I'm sorry to hear that.
ML: It's alright, it actually turned out to be heartburn, but I've still been rather disoriented all day.
I: Well... what is your occupation?
ML: Oh, I'm a scientist. Actually a chemical systems specialist.
I: Were you the one to create the berkeloid?
ML: NO, no... well, indirectly, I suppose so. I have been working with my sister Ange and my brother Al Coho in a black lab for over fifteen years.
I: You've been working in a dog?
ML: What?
I: Uh... never mind, it was a bad joke anyway. Please continue.
ML: Anyways, shortly after the Moo Slug Heads were imported by the Shikadi to our home planet, the slugs asked us if we could help them in preparing for the arrival of Commander Keen. I thought that this would be a wonderful breakthrough for the peace of our two species, and eagerly asked what assistance they needed. They said that although they had been given the daunting task of preventing Keen from rescuing the elders, the hadn't had any practice whatsoever in that sort of defence. So, they asked if we could invent a robot of some sort to practice with so that they could have better skill at defending the planet. Well, the three of us got to work right away in the construction of the robot. It was a little difficult considering the fact that we didn't have any arms, however a robot was constructed. Its head was misshaped, and it didn't have any legs, but we thought it would do fine until the real human arrived. The day before it was to be presented to the Moo Slug Heads, Al staggered into the lab. He was completely sick with the Gnosticene Flu. His entire body was a disgusting shade of red (almost looked like a bounder) and his temperature had dropped down to - get this - 98.6!
I: I can't imagine.
ML: Yeah, I know. Anyway, Ange and I knew that it wasn't contagious, and we needed him to help us, so we let him work. Just as the robot's battery was installed, wouldn't you know it, Al coughed. An amazing red flame burst from his mouth and engulfed the robot. The sudden fire made the robot jump around the lab like an arachnut with a knee injury. Ange and I just stood there with our mouths touching the floor.
I: Your mouths normally DO touch the floor.
ML: Must you be so technical? Just as the flaming robot had calmed itself down, who slithers in the hut but the head mollusk, mister Moo Slug Head 124 himself. The three of us were completely ashamed of our failure, thinking that peace between us and the slugs would be jeopardized forever. However, the head slug laughed like crazy and said that this flaming robot would be a perfect ally of the slugs, and demanded that we make more for the entire planet. However, we were still very ashamed of our accidental inferno, and after making a few more, stuck the floating fire hazards on an island in the nearby lake that was completely uninhabited by licks, as it is to this day. We didn't want any other licks to feel the shame of our creations.
I: Wow, I had no idea that licks were so sensitive.
ML: You wouldn't know from looking at us, but our hearts are very easily hurt. ------- licksandslugs.html -------
The most important recent historical moment for the licks occured in the Earth year 1988, on approximately April 4th. On that day, the shuttle that was also used as a getaway ship in the episode of the Armageddon Machine, landed on the Gnosticene plains near Sand Yego. As confused Licks, Skypests and Bounders came to investigate the near-transparent shuttle, the doors slid open and energy beings herding out large quantities of yellow creatures poured out of the shuttle. After depositing the yellow beings (that were already mucking up the place with their green goo), the shuttle blasted off, leaving the new inhabitants to fend for themselves.
Well, the licks had no idea what to do with these new inchworm-like poop spreaders. The real conflict occured after finding out that they were called Moo Slug Heads. This, being the strangest name that they had ever heard in their lives, created great fits of laughter among the clan of licks. The offended slugs then declared war on the licks.
The rest of the creatures on the planet, hearing that war was declared, were forced to take sides. 2.5 centimeter worms and wormmouths, who had suddenly discovered an animal with amazing similarities to them, sided up with the slugs. Bounders, mimrocks and mad mushrooms (who prefered to be known as mentally challenged fungi) sided with their bouncing friends. The other creatures generally chose to stay out of it, although if an arachnut got caught in the crossfire it was always willing to join in.
For 150 days battles raged on. (We can't say five months, because on Gnosticus, there are no such things as months. Months are determined by moon rotation, and Gnosticus has no moon.) Then, when the third battle of Slug Village was at it's peak, a skypest fluttered down between the two sides, and asked a very important question... "What is this whole war even called?"
Everyone stopped fighting. They realized that the war they were fighting had no name, and any history student knows that ALL wars have names. After chatting about it for a few minutes, they agreed that it should have some significance between both sides of the war. A young bounder piped up, "Why don't you call it the war of Lick-Poo?"
Needless to say, everyone laughed hysterically at this, and soon forgot why they even wanted to fight each other. They agreed that their only enemy should be Commander Keen. The war of Lick-Poo was over.
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