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LevelLord00
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Fanfic
I was browsing the Internet lately and was surprised by all the
crap fan-fiction written about things like Harry Potter, and the
lack of such crud relating to Keen. As such, I have taken it upon
myself to start such a cruddy fanfic, which I will post in this
thread.
I have just one question before I begin, RocketJess,
can I use your character Jax for a few appearances? 
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
RocketJess
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I guess so. As long as you let me check it so he doesn't end up
out-of-character... ^_^
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KeenRush
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Re:
Fanfic
Good, I'm eagerly waiting! 
We want Keen Chronicles! |
LevelLord00
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I've sent the prolouge to Rocket Jess for proof reading.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
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Man you're fast.
We want Keen Chronicles! |
LevelLord00
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Its a short chapter.
Edit: RJ, did you get the prolouge? I'm
not sure if your email was typed write.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord Edited by:
LevelLord00
at: 6/23/04 10:29 am
|
RocketJess
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I've got it; I've been having computer troubles lately, though
(evil spyware went mad and completely screwed up my Internet
access). It's fixed now. I'll email you tonight.
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LevelLord00
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And here is teh
prolouge:
Prolouge.
=======================================================
"Jax Andil, seven year-old genius, working diligently in his
backyard
clubhouse has created an interstellar starship from old
soup cans, rubber
cement and plastic tubing. While his folks are
out on the town and the
babysitter has fallen asleep, Jax travels
into his backyard workshop, dons
his cousin's fooball* helmet,
and transforms into...
COMMANDER JAX--defender of Vorticon
VI!
In his ship, the Aesthsr Zind** Gigarocket, Jax dispenses
galactic justice
with an iron hand!"
Jax raced across the
hills of Vleet island. In his mind the evil Grand
Intellect's
fortress loomed large in front of him. Jax pulled out his
water
pistol "Eat plasma evildoer! Pow! Booom!" Jax stodd amongst the
rubble of the Grand Intellect's fortress, now overgrown with
moss after
the many years since Commander Keen had destroyed it
and accepted a medal
from Keen himself after saving the universe
from another evil force.
"So you thought the Vorticon race
would just lie down and be destroyed?
You obviously didn't count
on the bravery of Commander Jax!" A section
of rubble moved, and
Jax found himself looking at a face he had only seen
in pictures,
distributed just after the Grand Intellect had taken over
his
planet, he was staring at the Grand Intellect
himself.
Jax didn't stop running until two bedsheets, a
locked door and parents were
between him and the
nightmare.
===================================================
* Fooball, a popular game involving Foobs.
**
Aesthsr, a type of Vorticon bean, in sauce of a tomatoish flavour;
Zind, a Vorticon meat dish, often served with
Aesthsr.
=====================================================
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
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Very talented! More please!
We want Keen Chronicles! |
RocketJess
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I just noticed "prologue" is spelt wrong... don't know why I didn't
notice that in the email... [/nitpicking]
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LevelLord00
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Peludee
Excuze me, are you tying to sugest I spell incorectly? Ill have you
know Ive spent a graet part of my life studiing the prononciation of
words, and I dont need some ameridicainised spellcecer teling me
whats the write way to spel.
|
grafix5000
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Re: [Insert
title here]
More please. This is good stuff. *munches printout*
I had a
similar problem with spyware clogging up my internet connection;
only three scans with AdAware and one with Spybot: S&D could fix
it. My parents had no idea what was causing it and kinda got mad
with me because they believed it was my fault - unfair!
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
|
KeenRush
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Re: [Insert
title here]
"More please. This is good stuff."
Agree. When you have the
first chapter done?!?!?!?!?!
We want Keen Chronicles! |
memsys
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Quote:
I had a similar problem with spyware clogging up my internet
connection; only three scans with AdAware and one with Spybot:
S&D could fix it. My parents had no idea what was causing it
and kinda got mad with me because they believed it was my fault -
unfair!
if the computer crashed
my mom believed it was my fault and 9 of 10 times it wasn't but that
was an long time ago
Edited by: memsys
at: 6/29/04 10:58 am
|
KeenRush
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Yeah, now it's increased to 10/10. 
We want Keen Chronicles! |
Superadammario64
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pretty cool so far.
Visit my website at www.geocities.com/superadammario
or
visit my message board at pub40.ezboard.com/bsuperadammariosboard |
LevelLord00
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Re:
Fanfic
Chapter 1: Evil Plot Revelation
Keen stared into the
blackness of space and pondered the W and Z bosons and their
relation to the photon. It was one of his favorite activities.
*incoming transmission*
"connect...Wha?!" Keen stared
at Mortimer in shock, since when did his arch nemesis give him a
chance to track his location?
"Ah Keen, how nice to see you
after all this time. You probably haven't noticed that I am now in a
position of power here. As such, rather than capture you, I'm just
going to tell you my evil plan right now."
"I am going to
resurrect an ancient evil in order to destroy the universe. The evil
is trapped in a temple on the planet Vorticon V, and I will be able
to release it during a planetary conjunction in, oh three days. Of
course, you could always try to stop me by gathering the three
secret runes located on Vorticon VII, Earth and Osmoc, but I doubt
you'll be fast enough. And now, do excuse me, its 3:14; time to
clean out the septic tank."
Keen fumed at the insult, but
wasted no time in plotting a course for Earth, he would need to
arrange a suitable alibi for his absence and find that first rune.
He knew only one person who would be able to convincingly lie to his
and their parents at the same time, and the only person on Earth who
couldn't seem to get enough
candy...
=====================================================
I'll
try to do a chapter a week, but I/m busy. [and lazy]
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord Edited by:
LevelLord00
at: 8/8/04 12:37 pm
|
KeenRush
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Ah, nothing beats good reading (except every modification and
official Keen adventures)!
We want Keen Chronicles! |
LevelLord00
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Chapter 2
"so your at my house"
"yep"
"and
if your mom calls your outside?"
"exactly"
"and if my
mom asks, you've gone home."
"thats right"
Keen
smiled, Jess Ro'kett was one of the best liars around. She had
exceptionally large oval eyes, that made look worryingly like a
Japanese cartoon. [Rumors that she was once offered a part in a
Hentai video remain unsubstantiated.]He could take a month off, but
he didn't have enough candy right now.
"So all of this is
just so you can see your grandma?"
"Yeah, mom says she's a
bad influence."
Keen headed straight toward his secret
clubhouse mentally running through all the things he'd packed for
the trip: raygun, ammunition, rations... It wasn't long before he
was flying over the frozen wastelands of Antarctica.
Keen
stared at the radar screen, scanning for all unusual energy sources.
[In doing so he came across a Shikadi and Droidican together who, as
it turned out, were not Morts spies, but just filming a TMST
documentary...]
"Ah there you are!" smiled Keen as a
distinctive signature appeared. Wasting no time Keen wrapped up
warm, grabbed an ice pick and stepped out...
...into pure
liquid cold. He had no idea it could be so chilly, it felt like his
face was on fire. Still, he had a job to do. Keen trudged off into
the snow.
==============================================
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
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Nice txt again.
We want Keen Chronicles! |
RocketJess
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...
You could have asked me before sticking me in it...
¬_¬
Incidentally, I hate hentai. I'd rather not voluntarily
give myself mental scarring for life, thankyou very much. Give me
innocent cutesy anime any day.
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LevelLord00
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RJ: Include *thwack!* me *thwack!* out! *thwack!*
LL: Okay!
okay!
RJ: Now say it!
LL: Poke'mon is some of the
highest quality television on air today! There satisfied?
RJ:
Yes.
Chapter 3
Keen sat in the ice cave, the total
silence being almost creepy given the blizzard outside. He stared at
the octiron* disk, lost in thought. "So this is a rune huh?" He
thought. He was after things smaller that a kids hand in order to
save the universe.
"Well, big challenge Mort" scowled Keen.
"No alien attack force?"
Just five seconds later Keen
severely regretted saying that.
The Drak smashed through the
wall of the cave in a blinding flurry of snow. It saw a single sharp
source of heat. Food. With instinctive speed it moved to the left,
attempting to pin its prey to the wall. The heat spot paused, the
rocketed upwards. Before it could follow it, the Drak became aware
of being very disorientated, so much so that it lost
consciousness.
Keen stared at large black lump, his neural
stunner still vibrating softly The Drak looked like a large hairy
seal with claws, and would've been terrifying if it wasn't for the
large pink collar it was wearing bearing the name 'fluffy' Mort had
an odd sense of humor.
Keen paused, there was something stuck
to the collar. It was a piece of paper containing only two letters,
'MM' Keen sighed, well that was one rune down in less than two
hours. He'd stop off at Vorticon VI next, and drop off the Drak on
its home planet. If he kept up this pace he'd beat Mort in no
time.
Meanwhile...
The shadowy figures moved silently
around the metal sphere, its octiron surface glowing duly in the
faint magical field. Part of it was disassembled, debris spread out
around the wound in its side, but the quick hands of the Shikadi
would soon put that right.
Ky'z'k approached the helmeted
figure. "Xuse mesur" he** said speaking in the slurred tongue of a
lifeform wo has never had to use sound to communicate before. "Weve
huh sall kwessun."
"What is it!"
"Wewere juss
thinkin, izz it pozible for uz to drink Shikadi coluh? Coz wez
lectricity an iss likid."
"Who do you think I am? KeenRush?
LevelLord? If I had time to worry about you 'biology' I wouldn't
need to employ you dolts!
The Shikadi shrank back, not only
because of the tone of the voice, but because it had managed,
indescribably, to pronounce every bit of punctuation in its
reply.
============================================================
*
Octiron, an inartistically magical metal. Completely unmelntable by
ordinary means.
** Technically, there are three Shikadi
genders, this would make a great X-rated story if Shikadi
reproduction involved more than shooting electrical pulses into the
air until the converged into a new lifeform.
Apologies to
Rocket Jess. May she continue to fight the evils of Henati and
cruddy drawing wherever anime is found.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
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Very nice again.
"Who do you think I am? KeenRush? LevelLord? If I had time
to worry about you 'biology' I wouldn't need to employ you
dolts!"
Heh..
"** Technically, there are three Shikadi
genders, this would make a great X-rated story"
E-mail me when
you've written it. 
We want Keen Chronicles! |
grafix5000
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Re:
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I'd swear I heard the names Octiron and Ky'z'k somewhere else.
Discworld and Sluggy Freelance mean anything to you?
By the
way, this story keeps getting better and better! Comparing it to the
multitude of HP fanfics would be like comparing a, um.. good thing
to a not-so-good thing. Mmmm, strawberry-flavour printer ink...
*takes bite from printout*
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
Edited by: grafix5000
at: 7/23/04 8:06 am
|
LevelLord00
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^ Huzah! Someone spotted my references! Its nice to know there are
fellow Discworld fans out there, but who is this Sluggy Freelance? I
got the name Ky'z'k off a friend [At least thats the way he
pronounced it, maybe he meant it spelled different.]
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
grafix5000
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Snerfle.
Have a look at this. Maybe this is where the
name came from?
|
LevelLord00
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Re:
Snerfle.
Chapter 4: Vorticon VI
Keen flew in low over the
beautiful landscape of Vorticon VI watching several small islands
rush by like purple jewels in the shimmering ocean. Since the planet
had only one mountain Keen could safely cruise at an altitude of
less than a hundred meters. Several herds of Meep got quite a nasty
shock.
Keen searched the horizon for his target, Leet'zer the
largest island on Vorticon VI. All landmasses on Vorticon were
connected by teleporters of course, but Keen was lazy, couldn't read
Vorticon maps and wanted to see someone.
Spotting the island
Keen skimmed across the terrain, found the hose he was looking for
and landed right in its backyard, removing several roof tiles and
sending a sonic boom right into it. Keen deftly jumped out of his
ship, bounded across the lawn and peered in the window. [Which
didn't have any glass in it, Vorticons only need window panes in
colder areas.]
The Vorticon inside looked up.
"Oh hi
Keen, try and keep it down will ya? I can't hear the fooball
game."
Keen smiled, Gr'fix* was odd even by Vorticon
standards, the saviour of his planet had just about hit his house
and he was worried about noise, yet he was shocked every time the
sun came up.
"Oh, wait! You gotta see this! This blade of
grass has to be three inches long!"
"Nah, no time." replied
Keen "I have... business to attend to. I just wanted someplace to
park my ship, store some stuff, and there is the matter of that
Discworld book you 'borrowed', the library will revoke my card if I
don't get it back."
A brief conversation later Keen headed
off to get some dinner at the only place that would serve vorta cola
with the main course: Hals Diner. [You had to eat your veggies
there, Hal would see to that.]
*whumph!*
Keens
vegetable related thoughts were interrupted as he pogo-ed to avoid
the rapidly moving vortikid who was followed by their panting father
who was desperately yelling "Karf ack harr!'** [Don't knock into
people!] Keen smiled. Mothers were always better at constraining the
living missiles.
Finally reaching his destination Keen
strolled up and opened the door.
Ever notice that during a
catastrophe time slows down? Like when you slip and fall out of a
tree, the you know you're going to be injured and you see everything
in slow motion? Keen felt like that now, as he stood in the doorway
he realized that the smell of frying k'tere*** had distracted him,
he'd forgotten to be careful, to scout out the area first. The same
mistake had cost him dearly when he fought Mortimer, and it was
about to happen again. Keen watched it approach ever so slowly
through the air, saw every little crack in the door frame, the
tables inside with assorted surprised looking guests. He was rooted
to the spot, helpless to avoid
it.
*Smack!*
===================================================
*
From the Vorticon 'He whose nose is curved like a banana*** and is
poked into teapots on Tuesdays*** causing it to become stuck.' which
roughly equates to 'curious'
** Vorticon sounds rather like a
dog barking mixed with someone choking and a bit like singing in the
shower. This doesn't mean Vorticon sounds unpleasant, just
different, and a heck of a lot better than Garg. Some people have
compared its vowel intonations to Spleenish, but Vorticon at least
is understandable.
*** the Vorticon equivalent of
bacon.
**** Nearest earth approximations. orig,
sindlefut and Desvort, the Vorticon week having eight days [vortrs]
in it.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord Edited by:
LevelLord00
at: 7/27/04 12:12 pm
|
CommanderSpleen
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Fantabulously
Fictitious.
Intriguing and
amusing. Incredibly drawn out cliffhanger, but it does the
job.
LL
but Keen ... couldn't read Vorticon maps
How so?
LL
* From the Vorticon 'He whose nose is curved like a banana*** and is
poked into teapots on Tuesdays*** causing it to become stuck.' which
roughly equates to 'curious'
Classic!
LL:CK
...and there is the matter of that Discworld book you 'borrowed' the
library will revoke my card if I don't get it back.
Speaking of which, I'd better get that book,
'The Holographic Universe' I lent to my cousin back... I received a
letter yesterday telling me I'm up for $50 at the TAFE student
library otherwise.
It seems you're parody skills are
improving--you managed to grab an obscure element of recent events
(within the space of one day, even) from my life that I haven't even
bothered talking about to anyone. *starts hiding thoughts in LL
restricted areas of brain*
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"If your grand plan
is thwarted, fear not;
From its ashes shall arise a grander
one."
- My Left Ankle
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
KeenRush
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Re:
Fantabulously Fictitious.
Ah, good ke-fi again (Keen Fiction).
"** Vorticon sounds rather like a dog barking mixed with
someone choking and a bit like singing in the shower. This doesn't
mean Vorticon sounds unpleasant, just different, and a heck of a lot
better than Garg. Some people have compared its vowel intonations to
Spleenish, but Vorticon at least is understandable."
Sounds good
to me!
Also, what's wrong with the gargs, always? 
Also, agree with that Spleenish thing. 
We want Keen Chronicles! |
LevelLord00
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Re:
Fantabulously Fictitious.
Quote:
LL but Keen ... couldn't read Vorticon maps
For one thing, all the
directions are in Vorticon instead of SGA, all the place names are
Vorticon so you need to know which place is where, and Keen is just
plain lazy as stated.
Quote:
*starts hiding thoughts in LL restricted areas of brain*
*Scans Spleens
mind*
Hmmmm, thoughts about starfish, cereal, ah here we are-
Oh god that is SICK! Aieeee! I'll never get that image out of my
head! Its burned on my eyeballs!
Quote:
Also, what's wrong with the gargs, always?
LL: Well, you see Gargs
are-
KR: Gaaaarg!
LL: Yes, but-
KR
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaarg!
LL: But-
KR: GAAAARG!!!
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
LevelLord00
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OMG! not another
damn chapter!
Chapter 5: Jax just the way it is.
Keen flew back several
feet and collided none to gently with a tree. He looked dazedly at
the six year old Vorticon* sitting on his chest. "Hello Jax' he
murmured.
For his part Jax was ecstatic. "OMG! OMG! Keen!
Ican'tbelieveitsyouandyourhereagainwaittillItellyouwhathappened!!"
Keen
pried the vortikid off him and made his way to Hals diner where
someone was already trying to put the door back on its
hinges.
"Well, Mr Blaze. It seems your as popular as ever."
It was Tba, Jax's father. "Yeah," replied Keen "Its nice to see the
fans once in a while. Look, can I get something to eat? All this
candy is giving me a coronary."
"Sure, anything for our hero,
its on the house!"
Keen entered the diner and sat down at one
of the few empty Harbx** tables. Hal's was obviously still doing
good business. Jax sat down opposite, and after catching his breath
related the story of his recent scare to Keen.
"Hmmmm, yeah,
that sounds like the remains of the mangling machine alright. Don't
worry, Mort isn't in a position to hurt anyone...kinda." Keen found
it very hard to lie to the kid, he had eyes that said 'I'll jump off
a cliff if you say I can fly.'*** This was followed by autograph
signing for the many Keen fans who had heard that their hero had
landed.
Finally he was able to order something, Vjark Djin
with Kaly haar**** After eating his meal and renewing ties with some
old vorticon friends^ Keen went off to discuss Jax's experience with
his mother, Hal^^ Currently she was cooking a Vjark by breathing on
it. Hal was a typical vortimom, about Keens height and built as some
say 'like a brick toilet.' You had the vague impression that she
could wrap an iron bar around you as easily as a
scarf.^_^
"Keen, nice to see you again. Neck healed?" Keen
rubbed the back of his neck gingerly, vorticon technology had
managed to remove the burn scar, but he would never forget his
encounter. "yeah, thanks. I hear Jax got quite a shock a while
ago?"
"Yes, people say the place is haunted, but he wanted to
be the next Keen. I swear sometimes I think that kid's hair is going
to fall out and he'll pull a neural stunner on me."
'Yeah, he
is kinda a fan isn't he. He sure has a lot of energy these days. How
are the twins?"
"Fine, fine, yesterday Ffnell stunned for the
first time!"
"Great" said Keen remembering previous
encounters. "Look, we both know why I'm here, besides your cooking,
which is great by the way-"
"Is this about the
Dexstar?"
"Yes, I think its time I brought it out of
storage."
==============================================
*
Six? Wasn't he 8? Yes, Jax is 6 and a quarter years old, 'which is
almost seven, and thats just one away from eight.'
** A type
of wood which is odd in that sometimes years after being made into
furniture, it sprouts.
** being a vorticon, his eyes didn't
actually say this. If he had been a krikkitian Ilsoap however, they
could have.
**** Something rather like roast chicken and
assorted greens.
^ Including one Fr'kel, inventor of Doors,
an operating system Keen found far superior to any earth product
except maybe Linux.
^^ If you think thats an odd name, be
aware that this is Vorticon VI, and that telling a Vorticon 'Its a
nice day isn't it?' in English will get you arrested for offensive
language. Besides which, mentioning anything to Hal will probably
result in you missing several weeks of school due to a ruptured
spleen. Hmmmm, tempting...
^_^ This is Rocket Jess's
signature. That all I wanted to say.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 6713
(8/1/04 3:45
pm)
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Re: OMG! not
another damn chapter!
Hehe, cool part!
Your use of words is really good (dunno how to
explain this); all those "Currently she was cooking a Vjark by
breathing on it." and "Fine, fine, yesterday Ffnell stunned for the
first time!" are really cool little references to the Vorticon world
and so on.
We want Keen Chronicles! |
DivoKeen
Grunt
Posts: 20
(8/3/04 2:25 pm)
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Keen
story
I just read the whole story, and I'm pleasently surprised. As you
I've read many fan stories that made me 
But You got it right the first time
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
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Re: Keen
story
Long chapter this
one!
================================================
Chapter
6: We get all the crazy ones around here.
Hal and Keen moved
quietly out the back of the kitchen and towards a rather bare
looking patch of grass. A simple flick of a switch turned this into
a pit in the ground, in which sat a spaceship:
Keen
smiled, the Dexstar. It was an awesome sight, the evening sun
glinting off the polished metal, the intricate fitting together of a
myriad parts, its exact resemblance to the BWB. Keen knew different
however. It packed to high density plasma cannons, shields, a
vanadic drive and more features than windows XP*
"Thanks for
keeping her safe for me." said Keen as Hal picked it up and put it
on the grass.** Keen stared, there were some kind of hieroglyphs
written on the underside. Funny, he hadn't remembered putting any
on. They decipted what looked like a Vorticon surrounded by many
smaller worshipers, and various animal gods. "Odd." thought Keen
"Perhaps a message, but from whom?"
"Sorry about that." said
Hal wiping the crayon marks off. "Ffnell likes drawing on
everything, and she burrowed in there last week."
"Excuse
me," said a voice. "But is could you point me in the direction of
the chaos emeralds?" Keen looked behind him. The creature that had
spoken was small blue and spiky, almost like a porcupine
or-
"Ah!" said Keen catching on. "Wrong fanfic, you want
Keefiction 0x02B."
"This isn't 0x02B?" asked
Sonic.
"Nah, this is 0x031, use hex values."
"Ah,"
said Sonic. "I thought so."
And with that he disappeared into
his proper crossover.
"Well then, this calls for desert."
said Keen cordially. "Oh, and this time, I'd prefer my ice cream a
tad cooler than boiling point."***
A short time later Keen
prepared to say goodbye to the Andil family and continue his quest
to obtain the second rune. The twins fortunately had fallen asleep
after trapping an unwary customer in a corner and stunning him for
half an hour, but Jax was as eager as ever, indeed, if it hadn't
been for the presence of his mother, Keen was quite sure he'd have
boarded the ship and taken off by himself.
"Hey,
I'll stop by for lunch as soon as I've saved the universe!" yelled
Keen as the engine roared into life. Keen looked out through the
silica window as the family, the Hal kitchen and finally Vorticon
itself shrunk to a point. He was heading to the cold planet of
Vorticon VII, the location of the next rune. Keen smiled as the
planet swam into view, two down in one day, Mort really was losing
his touch.
"Hold it right there brat! Keen recognized the
angry female voice instantly. "Oh God, I don't have time for this."
muttered Keen as he turned on the visual link**** "What is it
Levellord?" Keen said staring at the Lindsey like^ Gnostic in front
of him. Keen knew what she wanted, she was a total basket case, a
twit who'd been on his case since he'd freed the Elders. All he'd
have to do is disable her ship and set to crash land somewhere far,
far away.
"Me and my associate UnFleexable have been having a
little talk." she said, gesturing to the large Fleex behind her.
"Thats right" said UnFleexable snapping his claws menacingly. "We've
decided to put you out of commission, and I don't mean
artwork!^^"
A sensor beeped. "Longsweep!" commanded Keen.
Instantly the visual link showed Levellords fleet, hundreds of
ships, all closing rapidly.
"Die Keen!" cackled Levellord as
a positron beam missed him by inches. Thinking quickly Keen veered
widdershind^^^ and let loose his plasma cannons. Instantly forty
ships were incinerated, both in the initial blast and by the
derbris. "Split up! Attack him from all sides!" yelled Levellord
furiously.
Too late. Keen turned on the fleet and destroyed
another hundred ships with five more plasma bolts. Turning he cut
off two retreating wings, then turned on the lead ship.
"Awww
nuts!" said Levellord as her ship exploded.
Keen watched the
remnants flee, and Levellords escape pod spin off into the
void.^^^^
"That was close" he thought. "But how did a mental
case like Lev get a fleet like that? If I'd been in the BWB I'd have
been destroyed!" He didn't need to think of an answer, it was
obvious. Mort.
Keen piloted his ship toward the planets cold
surface, and it wasn't long before he came to an old abandonded
temple, the location of the second rune.
"Excuse me, you do
realize you're copying the plot of a thousand other puerile fanfics,
don't you""
Keen whirled around. There, standing in front of
him was a young man~ "Hello, perhaps I didn't introduce myself" said
the man. "I am DivoKeen, chronicler of worlds, expert in fanfics and
animutation. I-" "Right, cut in Keen. Why don't you go annoy a
Poke'mon character? They have a lot of faniverses for you to
criticize."
"Oh I'm not a critic" responded DivoKeen. "In
fact, I'd like to follow you and compose and epic poem in your
honor."
"Uh, right" said Keen. "Why don't you sit over there,
I'm going to collect the second rune, and then I'll come back here
and tell you all about it."
Keen stared at the temple door,
it had a freshly drawn inscription in it. It said "If I build a cube
from wire so that all sides are equal, and each side has a
resistance of 1 ohm, what is the resistance of the cube when
measured from opposite corners?"
Keen laughed. "Simple, basic
physics. Come on
Mort!"
================================================
*except
they worked.
**This was made even more impressive by the fact
that she was also holding [and cooking] a Vjark Djin and so only
used one hand. But then again, it was a
small
ship.
***Alas, it came to him at a temperature of 65 degrees.
You just can't teach a Vorticon some things.
****Full
surround sound 7'000 channels, AM/FM/PM radio.
^Some have
speculated that constant comparisons to the famous lady drove
Levellord to evil and insanity, but chances are she was just a grade
A nut case.
^^ UnFleexable was notorious throughout the
galaxy as 'The punning shredder' He dispensed physical punishment
and dull wit in equal amounts.
^^^ in space there are six
directions, up,down,left,right, forward and backward, as well as
widdershind, anth and xaxle, which are 270 degree turns involving
4,5 and six simultaneous direction changes
respectively.
^^^^And Unfleexable? He was rescued by pirates
or something.
~"He has to be human" thought Keen, "he's
wearing a CC314 T-Shirt."
Picture by RocketJess. ^_^
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 6794
(8/8/04 2:29 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
Wow, cool stuff.. That picture is awesome! Good job on that Jess!
We want Keen Chronicles! |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1459
(8/15/04 12:38 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
Chapter 7:
S.P.A.M.
=====================================================
Keen
quickly entered the answer, 5/6 of an ohm, and entered the temple.
Or it was once a temple, the entire building had collapsed inside
the outer wall. All that remained was a huge pile of rubble. And
sitting atop the tallest pile of rubble was...a yorp?
It
wasn't one of the prettiest yorps he'd seen, and it wore what looked
for all the world like a tattered monks robe. It appeared deep in
concentration. Suddenly it spoke.
"Ah, Commander Keen." The
voice sounded like someone gargling gravel. "I have been expecting
you."
A sarcastic voice in the distance shouted "Ha! He saw
your ship land! Ain't no roof!"
The monk continued. "I am
Djaser, high elder and monk yorp. I have spent many years studying
the ancient wisdom and know what you seek."
Again the distant
voice replied "BullS-! If brains were light he'd be a walking
blackout!"
A little perturbed the yorp resumed. "You seek the
second rune to defeat Mortimer McMire. I am in posession of it, and
will give it to you if you can pass the three tests of knowledge,
strength and patience."
"Oh yeah?! He's sitting on it the
lardass!"
At this the monk blushed. "Ah, yes, okay then um,
here."
"Thanks." said Keen accepting the rune with a gloved
hand. Descending the rubble pile Keen headed toward the sound of the
sarcastic voice. It seemed to be coming from behind the temple.
Behind the temple Keen saw an eerie sight, a small fortress
had been built. It was surrounded by bloodied bones. In the fortress
stood some idiot draped in a curtain and someone who looked an awful
lot like himself. "Hey!" he called out. "What happened here?" The
curtain clad idiot jumped down and approached him.
"Your Keen
right? The one who's been speaking to ol' one eye?" Keen recognized
the voice, it was the sarcastic interrupter. "He's been attacking us
a lot, luckily when I get killed the great Author bring me back,
that why all the bones. Th' guy back there is Bob th' temp, brother
of Bob the Builder. We're members of S.P.A.M, and thats with three
'.' not four."
"I won't ask" said Keen. Suddenly the day
seemed to have taken a rather odd turn. "Could you perhaps help
me?"
"Sure!" replied curtain guy. "By the way, my names
Silly. Morts sent two fleets to stop ya, one led by my wife
Levellord, the other by someone calling himself Mark. They're at
#097734 and#1233514 respectively."
"I bumped into your wife."
replied Keen "But thanks for the tip on this Mark guy. Is there
anything I can do to repay you?"
====== ========== ==========
========= ========= =====
MEANWHILE:
A pair of eyes
watched the events on Vorticon VII with detached amusement. Cold and
unblinking they watched the craft move across the the barren icy
surface of the planet, and puzzlingly blow up a ruin.
"Ah
Keen, the second rune already, and only in one day. We must delay
your progress musn't we? E'd'ch'k! fire an energy pulse at #01/94/83
at 5 drels, that should intercept our hero at about the time he
lands on Osmoc.
The Shikadi shuddered, he'd never get used to
human speech, but the way he'd pronounced the comma's, and # was
creepy.
========= ============ =========== ========= =======
======
Keen watched the planet disappear from view. The last
thing he saw was two figures dancing on top of a stunned yorp buried
in a pile of debris. But he wasn't paying attention to that, there
had been a piece of paper attached to the rune, from the same sheet
as the one he'd found by the first rune. It read -?><*%! a
collection of symbols, but of what meaning? Was it a clue? Was it
just one of Morts mind games? Would Id ever release TUIT? These
questions burned in his mind as he set out to acquire the final
rune.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 6863
(8/15/04 6:00 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
The story gets harder and harder to keep on track, but still good.
Galaxy is open. |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1508
(8/23/04 2:47 am)
219.89.1.170
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Re: Keen
story
Chapter 8:
Disjointment
=========================================================
Keen
watched the planet appear from the inky blackness like so many
before it. Being eight however, Keen could barely hide the feeling
of triumph as the earth-like sphere swam into view. Almost
automatically he set the computer to plot a safe course to observe
the planet closer up. Activating the scanner
Keen-
BRRZZAAPP!
Suddenly the ship was out of control,
spinning around crazily. Keen acted quickly, trying to stabilize the
ships jilted path while looking for any ship that might have
attacked. Normally this would have been easy, but the blast head
shot him into the planets gravity well and he was spiraling
downward. Watching the scenery twist around him Keen wrestled with
the controls, the wern't responding!
He was halfway through
the atmosphere now, and the uncontrolled flight was heating up the
ships exterior.* Keen heard a dull pop as his fuel exploded in an
alcohol fueled fireball. Various parts were beginning to rattle and
shake under the stress. Now the land was approaching, and still no
response! He was going to hit the ground square on, not even the
Dexstar would survive that.
In almost slow motion Keen
watched the altimeter count down. 200 meters,
100...50...
Suddenly there was a horrendous *ting!* and Keen
felt a wrenching blow as the ship suddenly deflected ninety degrees
off a convenient mountain slope. Keen had a brief glimpse of open
air before the ship was crashing through rocks and vegetation. Then
the ship was turning end over end, Keen was thrown from one side to
the other. Suddenly the ship hit a large boulder and stopped. Keen
however, not wearing a seatbelt didn't,** flew headfirst*** through
the windshield**** glass and landed several feet away.^
Keen
awoke sometime later. Picking himself up Keen checked for injuries.
Except for a few^^ bruises, some minor cuts and scrapes and a
concussion, he was fine.
He looked over his ship, the damage
looked worse than it was, the fuel and windscreen could be replaced,
most of the damage was actually pieces of scenery that has been
squashed onto the ships paint. What mattered was how long he'd been
out.
He checked his watch. "Awww nuts!" Keen said. He'd been
unconscious for at least a day, that meant Mort was only hours from
destroying the universe!
Keen lept up, pulled his portable
scanner from his pocket, and dashed off to where the rune was,
stopping only to stun and capture something useful.^^^
He
found the rune easily enough, it was located at the bottom of a
slime filled cesspool guarded by carnivorous reeds. Keen obtained by
using an unusual mathematical cure for the common cold.^^^^ Along
with the final rune was a third, waterlogged piece of paper, on
which was written only one word, 'me' 'This is some mind game.' Keen
thought. 'Pointless symbols to distract me.'
Less than an
hour later Keen studied his handiwork, his ship was repaired, the
three runes were stored safely in the hold, and he'd seen to his
injuries.*
He smiled. "Alright Mort, its been fun, but now
we end
this."
===================================================
*
The ship was shield by almost impenetrable Mc Donalds 'food'
products thought, so no harm done.
** Always wear a
seatbelt, even if your only traveling within your home system, they
save lives!
*** Luckily Keen had a helmet on.
****
Built to withstand an atomic blast from the outside, but who would
ever expect an attack from inside the cockpit?
^ most *'s
in a single sentence record!
^^ Actually dozens, but hey
who's counting?
^^^ important plot development or pointless
distraction?
^^^^ I won't bore you with the details.
*
For being such a good patient he gave himself a dozen lollipops.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 6933
(8/23/04 7:38 am)
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Re: Keen
story
Hmmm, nice work again.
Galaxy is open. |
LordOfGlobox
Vortininja
Posts: 285
(8/28/04 12:47 pm)
209.81.165.165
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Re: Keen
story
To much Monty Python can do this to a person.....lol
It's
the most CK fan-fic I've ever read... Not to bad either...
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1629
(8/31/04 1:28 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
Chapter 9:
Revelations
==============================================
Keen
stared at the approaching planet with steely determination. He was
always nervous before a confrontation, but experience had taught him
to remain calm and focused. Everything was planned, his stunner and
shields were charged, and he was on the lookout for Morts forces. As
it turned out, he needn't have worried. Mort as usual had a huge
obvious base on the planet. All Keen had to do was land a short
distance off and make his way there.
As it turned out, this
was easier said than done. The Vorticon system was unusual in having
not one but three 'habitable' planets, and Vorticon V was only
barely so. At either pole lay a dry desert-like landscape parched by
the Vorticon sun.
As Keen stared out at the hostile burning
desert, one thought was foremost in his mind: 'Cool, I get to wear
sunglasses like in terminator.'* He bounded across the landscape
with his usual sugar fueled speed familiar to many a Commander Keen
player, noting that there was little more than lizards and bugs to
shoot.**
This changed at Morts base though, there Keen saw
many things to shoot, things that mainly took the form of large
black droids, each sporting two claw ended and two normal arms with
dual shoulder mounted plasma pulse cannons. They were also equipped
with infrared/ultraviolet vision and a CPU powerful enough to hack
microsoft*** that ran a program so corrupt that it would've
impressed Bill Gates.
Two things stood out though, their
resemblance to rabbits**** and the legend
printed in large angry red letters on each arm.^
Keen
had encountered these 'inlay' before, they didn't stun and were darn
hard to destroy too..
Keen looked at the scene in front of
him; Mortimer was standing in the middle of a cryptic circle^^^
holding an ancient book. Surrounding him on all sides were inlay, so
there was no hope of attack there. The ground began shaking and
steam hissed from cracks in the rocks. The sky became overcast and
lightning flashed. Keen loaded his invertic pistol*. Things could
get messy.
"And now is the hour of my ultimate victory!"
crowed Mort. "With these words I shall summon the ultimate evil, and
whats more, I'm standing on where the runes should go! Ihre ganze
Unterseite sind Gar-"
Keen moved quickly. In two bounds he
cleared the inlay and knocked Mortimer off his feet. Looking down he
saw three circular indentations. In a flash the runes were in place
and Keen was eighty feet away.
Mortimer, dazed got up and
smiled. "Hello clown" He
said.
Keen frowned, there was something wrong with Morts
tone,** it sounded almost triumphant.
"Well Mort, I seem to
have beaten you once again, I did get those runs, and I appear to
have stopped your diabolical plotting once again!" said Keen
victoriously.
Mortimer dusted himself off, stared at Keen and
smiled. "Oh honestly Keen, did you really think I'd rely on some
ancient mumbo jumbo? You're even more pathetic than I thought!
You've merely made it easier for some voodoo priest to perform the
yearly bananarama festival or whatever it is this temples for.
Behold my most perfect work yet! The
Dark Star!"
The ground hadn't
stopped shaking, suddenly it split open revealing a huge black
mountain, no more of a dome Keen realized, part of a giant sphere
perhaps two miles in diameter that was rising from the ground. It
looked perfectly smooth, and perfectly black. It made a deafening
noise emerging before noiselessly launching into the xky.
The
realization hit Keen harder than any stunner could. He'd been
manipulated, Mort knew where he was all the time, it'd been another
one of his mind games.
With pinpoint accuracy the inlay
behind Keen homed in on the tracker in his helmet and administered a
24'000 volt shock to the back of Keens neck. Everything went
dark.
========================================================
*Hey,
he's 8 years old.
** An innocent dragonfly was squished into
oblivion for resembling a skypest.
*** After giving Gates a
warning they were coming, and only using VBasic.
**** They
had two Long ears^^, which being the only familiar feature led human
minds to associate them with rabbits. Similarly Vorticon opinion
said they rather resembled female Vorticons.
^ The droids
[Inlay model 444VC- 09 ] were produced by the Vitacorp Doomsday
Division,which, after Keens destruction of their greatest invention
the Omegamatic, and the consequent bad publicity, had lost their
second largest customer [A Mr D. Shell] to rival Villian
Technologies. As such, they felt rather motivated to express their
distaste with Keens actions. Now stop reading this footnote and get
back to the story!
^^ The 'ears' were actually heat exchange
towers, kept at steady 480 degrees while internal fans passed air
across them. They were vital to the droids function, a fact that
it'll be handy to remember later on.
^^^ Like a cryptic
crossword, only circular and evil.
* An unusual wepon that
one points at oneself. It kicks its shooter forward with some force
and makes a noise before it is shot.
** besides the fact that
he pronounced 'clown' italicaly.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord Edited by: LevelLord00
at: 8/31/04 1:32 pm
|
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 7050
(8/31/04 1:50 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
What's gonna happen now?
Hmmm, that Dark Star sounds a bit
familiar..
Galaxy is open. |
0
UNFLEEXABLE 0 
Commodore
Postpostpost
Posts: 2319
(9/1/04
12:30 am)
220.101.115.124
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Re: Keen
story
I've barely read any of the fan fic, but I needed to make one
correction...
Silly's wife is Minnie. I mean, Silly &
LevelLord are just friends... right? Right?
LL : Do you mind?
You're breaking the romance in here!
Silly : [Giggles]
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1638
(9/1/04 1:05 am)
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Re: Keen
story
Honestly Fleex, can't you keep your nose out of other peoples
private lives? And besides, there are dozzens of bigamists around
the world these days, its only a matter of time before its legal.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 7059
(9/1/04 4:45 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
"Honestly Fleex, can't you keep your nose out of other peoples
private lives?"
Shortly: nope. 
Galaxy is open. |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1658
(9/2/04 12:23 pm)
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Re: Keen
story
Chapter 10:
Co-operation
================================================
Meanwhile
on the planet Vorticon VII:
Silly finished the tango, it
hadn't been a very good tango, you really need two to do it. Pausing
awhile he thought about what dance he'd do next. A mambo perhaps, or
a waltz. He did wish his rival would be quiet. Some people just
didn't know when to quit.
"Well, I got my rear clobbered,
how'd your day go?" said Levellord behind him. She did look a mess,
rather as if she'd been sucking into a vacuum cleaner and spat out
again.
"Geez, what happened to you?"
"Keen happened.
What're you up to?"
"Dancing on Djasers grave."
"Ah...
he doesn't sound dead, just pissed off."
"Does it
matter?"
"If you don't stop this stupidity immediately you
will severely regret it." mumbled Djaser from beneath the
rubble.
"Oh, you've called upon a higher power?" Sneered
Levellord.
"SILLY!" boomed a womans voice. "SO THIS IS WHAT
YOU"VE BEEN UP TO ALL THUS TIME?!! FISHING INDEED! WHY I HAVE A MIND
TO DIVORCE YOU RIGHT NOW!!"
And with that Silly's other wife
dragged him right out of this story.*
Back to
Keen:
Keen awoke lying on a cold, hard floor. He was in a
room, no more than 6 by 6 feet, made entirely of a dark gray metal.
The walls were perfectly smooth, there was no sign of a door or any
entrance of any kind, all he saw was a single light in the ceiling.
Knocking on the walls revealed them to be completely
solid.
Desperately Keen searched for his hyperpistol, it
wasn't there, neither was his helmet or pogo. "Oh man, my brothers
gonna kill me." he lamented.
"Actually, I do believe I
will be the one doing the killing." said Mortimers voice, seemingly
from nowhere. "In about sixty seconds one of my droids will enter
this chamber and remove your limbs and head. However, I do have one
other prisoner here, and I'll allow you access to their cell as well
as yours if you can tell me who they are."
The opposite wall
turned translucent, behind it was the silhouette of another
prisoner, about as tall as he was, who looked vaguely familiar,
almost-
In a brief flash of inspiration Keen pieced all the
remaining pieces of the puzzle together, all the small details that
had been worrying him.
"Hello Mortimer" he
said.
==========================================================
*
They currently reside in the comic strip of one Ufleexable, both
regard the move as 'a big mistake'
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1764
(9/14/04 11:22 am)
219.88.58.107
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Re: Keen story,
this title gets boring dunnit?
Chapter 11: No Title
Here!
================================================
The
far wall of Keens cell turned clear, then melted away. There stood
Mortimer, obviously worse for wear. His helmet was cracked and his
clothes torn. He jumped up when he saw keen.
"You!" he
yelled.
The possible conflict was averted however, when the
near wall of Keens cell dissolved. There, standing in the new
doorway, was an inlay:
"Aww
nuts!" They said in unison.
The robot advanced, claws
snapping evilly. Mortimer didn't take this well.
"Oh my God
I'm gonna die!" he moaned, running round in circles. "I'm to young
and good looking to die! Help! Help!" He rushed up to Keen. "314! Do
something!"
Keen was a little preoccupied however, the inlay
was just feet away and trying to cut his head off. Dodging the
rapidly moving claws Keen tried to think of some way out of this
situation. Running wasn't an option, he'd be shot before he got ten
feet, the thing was armored solidly, so physical attack wasn't on,
and he didn't have any weapons. Crud.
Now the inlay was
advancing on Mort, who was cowering in a corner and crying for his
genetic material donor*
It had its back to him, for now. With the
logic of someone totally out of options, he headbutted the android.
To be precise he jumped at it yelling 'I love Cheeto's!'
He
missed the android.
He didn't miss the wall.**
The
android turned around, both its ears had been knocked off, but aside
from that, it looked mad.*** Once more it advanced on Keen, this
time training its weapons of its target.
"Double nuts!" said
Keen.
Then the android did something odd, it paused,
spluttered, its head turned red hot and popped like a piece of
popcorn. Keen watched the lifeless**** body collapse in a shower of
sparks, then went over to Mort and said "Its okay, the monsters gone
now."
Mortimer wasn't amused. "I can't believe I owe my life
to commander clown! I'll never live this down. Me, the
Gannal-"
"Excuse me," Keen interjected. "But as much as I'd
like to end your domineering lifestyle, and as much as I'd like to
see you done in, in a few seconds someone's going to realize we're
still living, then they're going to send a whole lot of nasties to
make us both very dead. So I suggest we both at least pretend
to cooperate and try and get out of here."
"Okay fine."
agreed Mort. "But I'm not going anywhere by
pogo."
======================================================
*
Mother, duh.
** Thank God for helmets!
*** Or as mad
as an emotionless killing machine can look.
**** Or as
lifeless as something that wasn't alive to begin with can be.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord Edited by: LevelLord00
at: 9/14/04 11:31 am
|
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 7191
(9/14/04 1:36 pm)
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Re: Keen story,
this title gets boring dunnit?
Very good!
""Oh my God I'm gonna die!" he moaned, running
round in circles. "I'm to young and good looking to die! Help!
Help!" He rushed up to Keen. "314! Do
something!""
Classic..
""Okay fine." agreed Mort. "But I'm
not going anywhere by pogo.""
Hahaha!
Galaxy is open. |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1806
(9/20/04 2:49 pm)
219.88.57.149
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Re: Keen story,
this title gets boring dunnit?
Chapter 12: See Keen
Run!
==================================================
Keen
dashed down the sullen hallway with Mortimer following gingerly
behind. Suddenly an evil metalic voice rang out. "I hope you can run
fast Keen, I can see you!" Keen looked up. Sure enough there was a
surveilance camera looking right at him. "Aww nuts!" Keen mumbled,
wasting no time in resuming his dash..
"Where are we going?"
asked Mort. "Hey slow down!"
"Do you know where we can find
any wepons?" yelled Keen
"I can try and hack the system to
find out."
"Well do it quickly!"
They located a
computer terminal and Mort started typing furiously. Keen knew they
had to be fast. Given the number of cameras, and God knows what
other monitoring devices, whoever was in charge wouldn't need long
to track them down. Sure enough it wasn't long before he could hear
the metalic clang on inlays approaching. Fast. "Hurry up!" urged
Keen. "Your junks stored on level 23 sector 5." said Mort.
With no time to loose the fled the pursuing robots and
boarded the nearest elevator. In no time they were at level 23
sector 5. It would have been even better had they been alone.
"Doubble nuts!" yelled Keen shooting pointlessly at the rapidly
approaching androids. As they continued to retreat, Keens blaster
ran out of ammo. "Triple nuts!" said Keen. Just seconds away from
death he noticed a wepon on a nearby shelf. It resembled his neural
stunner, but was larger and black. "My pulser!" yelled Mort. "Wait,
Keen don't-" Unheeding Keen grabbed the gun and fired.
Keen
pried his helmet from the dent in the wall where it and his head had
been embedded not a miniute ago.* He was sore, but his helmet had
taken most of the impact. Mort was stanging ten feet away next to
the charred remains of the attacking robots. "You have to brace
yourself against something." said Mort unhelpfully.
Keen
studied the wepon more closely. Trust Mort to have a forbidden X-32
seies positroron pulser. Still, if used correctly it would mean no
more troubble from the androids.
Now things became a lot more
fun. Keeping himself pressed againt a wall Keen enjoid destroying
any and all things that stood in their way. Keen had no idea where
they were going, but it didn't matter soon enough they'd either find
who was in charge, or blow up enough stuff to shut the ship
down.
=======================================================
*
Kids! Always wear a helmet!
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 7267
(9/20/04 3:28 pm)
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Re: Keen story,
this title gets boring dunnit?
"Keen enjoid destroying"
Uh oh, Mortimer's company isn't so good
thing..
EXIT |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1808
(9/21/04 1:11 pm)
219.89.1.211
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Re: Keen story,
this title gets boring dunnit?
Ugh. Can you believe I wrote that after my brother aquainted my
with the joys of a drink called vodka? 
You can?
On a positive note, I have no hangover today.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 7269
(9/21/04 1:24 pm)
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Re: Keen story,
this title gets boring dunnit?
Well, I'm not surprised.
EXIT |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1887
(10/10/04 6:14 am)
219.88.57.125
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Oooh 13
oooh!
Chapter 13: A stroke of bad
luck.
===============================================================
Suddenly
a cheerful woman's voice rang out from the many speakers embedded in
the ship. 'As is traditional, the doomsday weapon is being charged
in preparation for the destruction of the universe. Customary
countdown begins at t minus ten minutes and
counting.'
'Nuts!' mumbled Keen. 'Don't worry,' said Mort
cheerfully. 'All you have to do is find and destroy the doomsday
device, capture whoever is running it and save the
universe.'
'And how am I going to do that?!' yelled Keen.
'Well,' said Mort 'you could always follow that sign.' Keen looked
at where Mortimer was pointing. There was a large red flashing neon
sign. It said "This way to doomsday device' in ten foot high glowing
letters.
"Gee thanks" said Keen under his breath.
The
doomsday device proved to be a formidable affair, a gigantic dark
grey metal sphere with thousands of wires and pipes connected to it.
Electricity sparked, machinery hummed and the sphere itself rotated
rapidly. Keen felt a horrible drumming in his ears, the room wasn't
noisy, but he found he had to shout just to make himself heard."Even
your gun isn't affecting it!" Keen yelled "How are we gonna stop
this thing?"
"Stand back!" said a confident voice. "I'll
handle this piece of alien %$#@!" So saying, Duke Nukum stepped
forward and sent a round of RPG fire directly at the doomsday
device.
The machine sparked, then continued charging. "Well
I'm outta ideas, see you kids later!" said Duke fleeing down the
corridor.
"I hated your platform anyway!" Mort yelled at the
empty corridor. "Eight minutes and counting..." said the
device.
"Fear not! The league of Justice will put paid to
this diabolical construction!" said an assortment of superheroes
diving into the affray.
Six minutes later and Keen found
himself speaking to Yugi [From Yugi-oh!] "I heard there was a
doomsday device and-" "Yeah, yeah, over there." said Keen in a bored
voice. There was some yelling about 'the heart of the cards' a
scream, then silence.
"Right, is that the last of them?' said
Keen dryly. "Two minutes and counting" added the device helpfully.
"Now what are we gonna do?!" yelled Keen.
"Easy!" yelled
Mort. "Hand me that radiation suit will ya? I've spent my life
building machines like this, you think I can't bow this piece of
junk to bits?" Donning the heavy green radiation suit and goggles
Mortimer resembled some demented turtle. Clambering over hissing
pipes and blinking dials, Mort made his way to a small panel near
the base of the sphere almost totally obscured by a data bank.
Studying the dials and readouts for a bit, Mortimer removed the
batteries and reinserted them the wrong way round.*
The
device screeched, then was silent. "Malfunction, warranty void.
Doomsday averted." said the device.
"Wow, thanks for the help
Mort." said Keen "But I thought you wanted to see the universe
destroyed."
"Oh I do." said Mort "But only when I'm not going
boom with it. Now we're even I think I-"
Suddenly a gigantic
explosion knocked Morimer halfway across the room, straight down a
ventilation shaft, a.k.a Starwars. "Uh, sorry!" yelled a large green
rabbit sheepishly** "I thought you were someone else... I guess I'll
be leaving then."
Geez, thought Keen. "Attention. Attention.
Power surge in sector 3.14 doomsday device detonation is five
minutes. Evacuate ship."
"Whoop, better be going." said
Keen.
"Oh you're not going anywhere" said a menacing voice,
pronouncing its '
perfectly.
=============================================
*Which
just goes to show, never, ever do this.
** Or perhaps rabitly
in this case.***
*** Rabbititly?, rabbitavly? rabbiticaly? Oh
stuff it. Sheepishly. 
'Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid.'
-
Björk Guðmundsdóttir
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1916
(10/17/04 11:49 am)
219.88.58.60
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Spotty!
Chapter 14 -
Showdown
============================================================
Keen
turned.
"Well, you certainly have done a lot of damage
haven't you? You've destroyed my beautiful doomsday device! Well now
you pay Keen!"
Keen stared at the android, barely Mort's
height, and indeed identical with him except for shiny metal showing
through a large gash on his leg. "Ah hello Mangling Machine, long
time no see."
The android snarled "Why you little twerp! The
mangling machine was destroyed! I'm its operator,
M2.0!"
"Four minutes till energy surge" piped the
ship.
"Well," said Keen "this is just like last time isn't
it? A whole lot of talking before I fry your sprockets. I take it
that I didn't really destroy you, and that you've been inactive all
these years. I really should've known. Those pieces of paper were
hints wern't they? 'I'm' 'not equal' and 'Mort' You're not Mort. I
understand that, but why did you kidnap him?"*
"Simple, if
your creator left you to rust on an alien world, wouldn't you be a
little unhappy? And one last thing, Keen I-" suddenly M2.0 lunged at
Keen shooting wildly. Just in time Keen dodged and fired
back.
M2.0 pulled himself out of the smoldering wreckage that
was once a computer bank. Now that the plastic skin had been
disintegrated Keen could see that M2.0 was rather terminator like in
construction.** "Ouch." he said.
Once again energy beams were
headed in Keens direction. Ducking and dodging Keen took refuge
behind the doomsday device. Mort 2.0 released a barrage of shots.
"Whats the matter Keen? Too scared to come out and fight me now I'm
a little more mobile?"
Keen jumped out and before M2.0 could
shoot, fled down the exit corridor. "Hahaha! Flee fool!" yelled M2.0
"So it is true, all your talk was just to delay the
inevitable!"
"Too right!" yelled Keen as he headed toward the
escape pods.
"Attention! Attention! Ten seconds till energy
surge. Total structural collapse inevitable. Have a nice
day."
"Aww nu-" said M2.0
BOOOMSPLATTERBANG! said the
ship.
Keen awoke lying on the pink grass of an alien
world**** the wreckage of the escape pod lying around him. "Good 'ol
helmet!'^ Keen said as it shattered into a dozen pieces. Looking
around Keen saw a silvery figure lying among the shattered remains
of a spaceship hull.^^ It was M2.0 "When you wake up, you're really
gonna hate me." said Keen smiling. Well, another breathtaking
adventure wrapped up. Time to sit back and relax.
Suddenly
Keen became aware of another figure standing nearby. It was the
rabbit he'd seen earlier. With slight horror Keen realized he was
wearing the [slightly charred] T-shirt of Duke Nukum. "Hey, was that
a bang or what! I can't hardly hear myself! Say, you wanna get a
drink?! Oh, and do ya know a good laundromat? This shirt I found
smells like bacon!"
Keen took another gulp of Vorta cola.
Nope, his mouth still tasted like carrot juice. It was one of the
most persistent flavors he'd encountered since his mothers 'squid
and asparagus milkshake surprise' experiment. Never-mind, he had a
few hours to kill before heading home, and Hal was providing drinks
on the house in celebration. Yep, life was good.
"So what
happened to M2.0? Didya blast him huh?" asked Jax in his usual
excited tone. "Nah." said Keen "He's somewhere where he'll never
harm anyone else ever again, along with some of the most evil minds
in the universe. I shudder to think of the evil they're
plotting."
Meanwhile on planet
Kaled, prison sector 14, Maximum security division:
M2.0 stared out at the
stormy brown sky, partially obscured by the forcefield bars on his
cell. "Rrrrgh, Keen, I know you're out there, and when I get outta
this place, I'm gonna make you suffer you hear me? You're gonna wish
for death a dozen times before it finds you. Hey! I called top
bunk!"
The short weedy looking turtle stared at M2.0 through
his black rimmed glasses. "Oh yeah? First in, first served tinfoil
butt. Besides, I'm older than you. Nyah nyah nyah!"
"Rrrgh!
After Keen you're next! I'll crush your race into the
dust!"
"Fools!" said a voice down the hall "My techbots will
destroy you all!"
"Ha! I Doctor Mangle will defeat you with
my living weapons!"
"Oh yeah? Well tonight I'll do what I do
every night, try to take over the
world!"^^^
===========================================================
*
"Two minutes and counting"
** Oh God, please don't sue me. 
*** "One minute and counting."
**** with a charred
Yu-Gi-Oh! card on his shoulder. Just a minor detail.
^ Once
again, Kids! Always wear your helmet!
^^actually in this
case, lying through
the wreckage.
^^^ Oooh! competition time! Who recognizes all
the people I'm referring to? You do? Well then you have no life! ^_^
'Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid.'
-
Björk Guðmundsdóttir
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
grafix5000
Vortininja
Posts: 305
(10/17/04 5:06 pm)
84.92.41.205
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Bleeeeepppp....
So, LL, you think I'm nervous, curious and nosy? Well, you're
right. I jump at the sound of feet on the carpet outside my room and
I'm always thinking up new questions that I have no answers to. But
I don't "borrow" things (not in that sense). I also like looking at
my parents' credit card statements. Just a hobby! Ahem.
Quote:
Keen smiled, Gr'fix was odd even by Vorticon standards, the
saviour of his planet had just about hit his house and he was
worried about the noise, yet he was shocked every time the sun
came up.
How sad. That's just like
me.
Good story! Slight lack of structure (perfectly normal)
but entertaining story and good jokes. Plently of lawsuit-inducing
"references", too. Heheh.
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
|
KeenRush
Arachnut
Posts: 7458
(10/17/04 5:48 pm)
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Re:
Bleeeeepppp....
It was a pretty nice story indeed. Lot's of fun jokes 'n stuff.
LiFe WiThOuT kEeN iS dEaTh In
DiSgUiSe. |
LevelLord00
Die Spam Geliebte
Posts: 1947
(10/24/04 2:45 pm)
219.89.1.219
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Re:
Bleeeeepppp....
Hey! I'm not finished yet!
Chapter 15 - Tying up Loose
Ends.
==========================================================
On
the third planet of the Dirac
system.
Morimer groaned, his
head felt like it had been split in half. The last thing he could
remember was being knocked down a ventilation shaft, he was still
wearing the radiation suit. He looked around, he was near what
remained of the bottom of the shaft, which had landed on some planet
or other. Keen was nowhere to be seen, nor was the ship. Success?
Well he was still here wasn't he?
"Zir?" said a recognizably
static voice. "The ship iz deztrod zir, what will we do
now?"
Mortimer smiled. "We're heading back to your homeworld,
I have a hero to vanquish."
THE END.
Meanwhile somewhere in the
Tilbar system.
Unfleexable
stared across the dark void of space. In front of him were the
various enemies and allies he knew so well. "I bet you're wondering
why you are here, well, now that you've stopped trying to kill each
other, I'm proud to announce that you're all going to do a show on
Jerry Springer! We all get cash up front just to act like we usually
do, so rest well tonight, for tomorrow we bicker!"
THE
END
Meanwhile on earth.
"Wow! Green
grass! That is so
weird!" yelled Jax as he dashed down the pavement. "Hey wait up!"
yelled Keen "I only agreed to bring you along if you stayed out of
sight!"* "This is incredible, your planet is awesome!" said Jax with
his face pressed against the road. "Whats this? Some kind of runway
I'll bet! I wanna see your backyard workshop! I bet you have all
sorts of neat stuff in there!"
"Sure, I need to paint my
Photo-tachyon transceiver for a 3D movie anyway." said Keen "But
first I have a few things to do, now what happens if anyone spots
us?" :Uh, I go 'bark'!" suggested Jax. "Right"**
And so it
was that Keen arrived with a large sack of candy outside Jess
Rocket's house, and none too soon either. "Billy you clown! Your
mothers been hounding me all day! I've had to lie through me teeth
for hours to save your behind, that had better be good candy!" "You
bet" said Keen "And I got you a present for being so nice." and with
that Keen opened the portable quarantine unit he'd been holding to
release the Fidib Harr he'd caught just after his ship had crashed.
It looked up at jess with an expression that bore a striking
resemblance to Bambi.***
"OMG! Its soo kyoote!" beamed Jess
picking up the small bundle of fur. "Billy you're the greatest! I
gotta show mom!"
"Well," said Keen "I guess that really wraps
up everything. Since Jess left this candy, I guess it would be a
waste to leave it..." He was interrupted by a shrill cry. "OMG! Its
a blue puppy! That is so Kyoote!"
"Jax!" he yelled "Run! And
for Gods sake don't look back!"
THE END
[REALLY]
=======================================================
*An
old lady living across the road was mistakenly put on medication
after claiming a blue fox upended her birdbath.
** Keens next
door neighbor added 'painting dogs blue' to his 'list of odd things
that kid does'
*** Fidib Harr consist of two large doleful
eyes, four small limbs and a whole bunch of fuzz, making them look a
lot like an ultra cute hamster. Star Trek fans have drastically
reduced their numbers by capturing them and removing their legs in
order to obtain a
'Tribble'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
And
look out for LL's next fanfic staring Bush Blair and Howard [Look
out, then you have a chance to avoid it.]
'Some go for walks, others get drunk and some get laid.'
-
Björk Guðmundsdóttir
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level
Lord | |
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