| Author |
Comment |
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 828
(11/21/03 10:08
pm)
24.187.190.18
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 |
Chain
story
I got bored, so I came up with this idea one day. It's not unique
in any way, but it IS fun (I've done it on IRC a few times) so I
thought we could do it here. I'll start the story, and someone else
can pick up where I left off. Lets have some fun!
It was
almost dark when Mark set out on the long journey traditional of his
sunday life. His car awaited in the dim light of the garage, it's
iridescence poking through the dark cave like fungi. He lumbered
down the yellowed, uneven steps toward the object of his destiny. As
he opened it's door, crusty chunks of cheetos fell to the floor.
Mark picked one up, inhaled the deeply implanted aromas of cheese
and sweat, and let it fall through the air, before smashing onto the
concrete 6 feet later. He climbed into the car, and closed the door
behind him. The engine roared, scaring the squirrel who made his
home there. It hopped out just as Mark pulled out, shooting down the
street like a maniac.
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KeenRush
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts:
4403
(11/22/03 11:18
am)
212.246.17.130
| Del
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a link in the
chain, without whys without power, or whatever
Soon he heard that familiar sound of police car sirens. Oh no, the
cops were after him. The sound got nearer and nearer..
(I
really suck at these..)
Keen mods, please! |
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Vortininja
Posts: 98
(11/22/03 11:59 am)
82.32.49.250
| Del
![]() |
Re: a link in
the chain, without whys without power, or what
The pursuit was getting bigger and bigger, mark glanced down at his
watch, they ha been pursuing him for a good forty minutes. The once
faint sound of sirens was getting louder and louder. And then they
stopped, slightly confused mark turned to look through his back
window, there was nothing, he turned back to face the road and had
to make an emergency stop before he hit a …
![]() Keen says: Visit keen online for
all you keen needs.
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CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 82
(11/22/03 3:43 pm)
203.221.145.208
| Del
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Spleen's
contribution
stroke of genius. "Turn left!" he yelled. Mark really sucked at
acting on his strokes of genius. Once he even got stuck in a
convenience store for a full three days, yelling to himself, "Find
the exit! It's just over there! But don't forget to pay for the
stuff you grabbed from the shelves first... now, where did I put
that counter...?" This got really repetitive, so the staff attempted
to drown out the sound by having their in-house DJ create a remix,
which they played just loud enough as to keep Mark out of
earshot.
So, on he drove, onward into the night, trailed by
sirens, red and blue lights, and a slab of concrete he somehow
managed to get lodged into his boot. The radio announcer declared,
"And now the country's Number 1 for this year, Remix of Mark's
Ramblings!" Oblivious of the song's origin, he pumped up the music,
started singing along and took off his ...
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"To stop your eyes
from watering when chopping onions, put them in the freezer for 10
minutes beforehand."
- Reader's Digest
JimSoft Lair: Huge
Spatang.com Portage Underway. Massive Developments
Coming! |
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 830
(11/22/03 10:05
pm)
24.187.190.18
| Del
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CHEETO-MAN!
...his braces, which were getting in the way of his singing. He
threw them on the floor, and grabbed a handful of moldy cheetos that
were lying on the seat, chewing them before swallowing gracelessly.
"TO THE LEFT MARK! TO THE RIGHT MARK!" he sang, in his horribly
off-tune voice. Suddenly, his car hit a construction ramp and went
flying six feet in the air, only to...
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NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 257
(11/22/03 10:27 pm)
203.134.137.93
| Del
|
Re:
CHEETO-MAN!
...be snagged by the tractor beam of a UFO far in orbit. As Mark
was being slowly dragged up, he was yelling, screaming, like a
confused, angry little girl throwing a tantrum, cursing a blue
streak. (Did I mention he had Tourette's syndrome, and it was
triggered by extremely stressful, out-of-the-ordinary situations? I
mean a guy who keeps a whole load of Cheetos in his car must be
odd!) The UFO swallowed Mark's car, revealing themselves. They
were...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
keen
online ![]()
Vortininja
Posts: 101
(11/23/03 12:08 am)
82.32.49.250
| Del
![]() |
Re:
CHEETO-MAN!
bacon
![]() Keen says: Visit keen online for
all you keen needs.
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 84
(11/24/03 3:54 pm)
203.221.144.164
| Del
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Commander
Cheeto!
See, Mark was a huge Commander Keen fan. So much so that he even
had his own Neural Stunner.
"Great slug! Shikadi! I knew it!
iD really was inspired from a real UFO encounter! These guys are
toast!" This was followed by a random Tourettes outburst.
A
great round room, filled with glowing Shikadi, encircled him and his
vehicle. A yellow pole hung from above, disappearing into an ominous
green light.
With no time to lose, Mark whipped out his
Neural Stunner and grabbed onto the pole. Switching it from 'stun'
to 'lightly toasted', and using his weapon hand to rech for more
Cheetos, he became "Commander Cheeto, Defender of
Earth".
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"To stop your eyes
from watering when chopping onions, put them in the freezer for 10
minutes beforehand."
- Reader's Digest
JimSoft Lair: Huge
Spatang.com Portage Underway. Massive Developments
Coming! |
keen
online ![]()
Vortininja
Posts: 120
(11/27/03 5:24 pm)
82.32.49.250
| Del
![]() |
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
Wiping his eyes he couldn’t believe it, it had been three years
since he had played commander keen, he knew it wasn’t this
different. It had been eleven years since he last worked on the
games, to him it felt like yesterday, but the thought of someone
changing the story and graphics and trying to make out that it was
there game filled him with rage (28 days later style). Reaching for
the coat stand Tom Hall dons his brother's bowler hat, and
transforms into:
TOM HALL –
about to sue the keen community!
![]() Keen says: Visit keen online for
all you keen needs.
|
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 82
(11/27/03 6:55 pm)
67.75.179.182
| Del
|
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
But first, he had his abductors to deal with. He took aim, and
began to wildly fire in their direction...
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 86
(11/29/03 12:27 am)
203.220.175.158
| Del
|
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
Soon after, the Keen community lay in a desolate, smoking mess
before him. Sure, it might have been easier simly to hire a lawyer
and sue the old fashioned way, but this was a lot more
fun.
"No more Keen for you!" he screamed, wild laughter
erupting like an exploding bag of Cheetos.
Meanwhile, back on
the Shikadi ship, Mark was taking the opposite approach. After a
failed gunfight in the room above his vehicle, he slid back down,
grabbed his mobile phone and called his
solicitor.
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"To stop your eyes
from watering when chopping onions, put them in the freezer for 10
minutes beforehand."
- Reader's Digest
JimSoft Lair
Updated
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 840
(12/1/03 4:23
am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
|
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
"Hello... mom? are you there? c'mon, pick up please..."
The
droll of his mom's answering machine perfectly complemented the
cheetos fermenting in his stomach. "This is Helen Abraham Jeremiah
Lenard speaking, and I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now,
as I am currently playing bridge at the club..."
Mark stabbed at
his cell phone with dismay, accidently pressing the "self-destruct"
button in the process. "This phone will self-destruct in ten
minutes." "Repeat, this phone will self-destruct in ten minutes."
What ever happened to ten seconds?, thought Mark. He threw the phone
at his adversaries and ran, looking up just in time to see...
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lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 88
(12/5/03 1:38 am)
67.30.65.126
| Del
|
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
A zeppelin, humming loudly. The baron threw a rope lader down to
him and shouted, "
|
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 864
(12/5/03 3:10
am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
|
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
"BARGLE MACT EIN GLEMEINHOPPER!!!"
Mark wondered what a german
guy in a blimp with a speech impediment was doing yelling at him.
Nonetheless, he grabbed the ladder, and was soon pulled up into the
Zepplen. "ARGLE HEIN LECHTENMENDER?" demanded the baron.
"um...
yea." said Mark, eating another cheeto. "You want some?"
Mark
handed the bag to the baron, who promptly started cramming them into
his navel. Just as the bag dissappeared beneath his rolls of fat...
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AKeenCommander
Grunt
Posts: 23
(12/9/03 11:51 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
|
Re: Commander
Cheeto!
...The Baron lifted his left leg high into the air and ripped an
enormous fart. Mark, grabbing his self-destructing moble phone, and
jumped out of the zepplin. Flying through the air, Mark realized
that he was falling towards a huge acre-lot of...
|
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 93
(12/10/03 2:29 am)
171.75.220.29
| Del
|
Re:
...sunflowers. He heard an ominous whirring noise coming towards
him, but his vision was blocked by the flowers. Thinking quickly,
....
|
AKeenCommander
Grunt
Posts: 30
(12/10/03 2:37 am)
65.34.59.53
| Del
|
Re: Re:
...Mark pulled out of his pocket, the last cheeto to protect
himself from the omnepotent sunflower seeds. The cheeto failed to
protect him; and Mark plumeted head first, 6 feet underground, where
he met a pack of moles who were all wearing Commander Keen football
helmets. One mole who appeared to be the leader, came straight
towards Mark, who was trying to recover the peices of his crushed
Cheeto. The mole opened his mouth wide and...
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 96
(12/10/03 5:51 am)
203.220.175.186
| Del
|
The saga
continues...
...losing no time, grabbed a Cheeto from his pocket and placed it
in his mouth, exaggeratively savouring the taste of the round
delicacy. He then turned to the others, motioning for them to do the
same.
Mark, now attempting to consume the Cheeto crumbs he
had managed to swipe mid-air, looked about him, horrified at the
evil moles' mocking acts. Sobbing, he yelled, "Noooo!! They can't do
this to me!!"
The moles soon ran out of Cheeto to savour. The
leader pulled out a large baseball bat, and the rest of the pack
followed suit. Each stood in preparation for the
beating.
Losing no time, Mark composed himself, pulled out
his neural stunner and aimed it down, firing two shots. One shot hit
the mole leader. Moments later, Mark found himself hovering several
feet above the ground.
The moles surrounding him raised their
bats, and just as they were about to bring their bats crashing down
upon the floor, Mark aimed his weapon up, screaming, "Cheetos!!" He
fired a shot, impossible-bulleting up and out of the hole, which now
collapsed behind him amid a roar of thudding mole-bats, followed the
moles' echoing, defeated squeal.
Rocketing upwards, Mark
awaited the moment at which he could leap off toward the zeppelin
and reap his revenge on the Baron, and hopefully find some
Cheetos.
...
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"The irritating
notion that the beholder should complete through his imagination
what the artist left undone is refuted by the sumi paintings, so
fond of incomplete objects. Try to complete the rocks whose base is
lost in the mist or to populate the "empty" spaces with more rocks
or woods, and you will find that your clumsy moves destroy the
delicate balance and thus the meaning."
-Rudolf Arnheim, Parables
of Sun Light
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 35
(12/10/03 8:53 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
|
Re: The saga
continues...
...Just then Mark's moble phone turned on and a lady's voice
spoke
"Twenty minutes till self destruction"
"What? I think it
is counting up!" Remarked Mark with a confused tone. Mark decided to
try his Phone to see if it was still working. He picked up the
cheeto-greeced cell phone and began dialling. before he finished
dialling his Psychic Therapist's number, the phone started
ringing.
Confused as to who it could be, Mark
answered.
"This is the Shikadi Master #2 (who wasn't on the
ship you blew up)! I know where you are Mark, and I know of your
quest for Cheetos and revenge to the Fat Basterd, uh, I mean Fat
Baron, but I must stop your quest now. I want to show you the
destruction of the entire..."
____________________________________________
I would be witty,
but I don't feel like impressing you. Edited by: AKeenCommander
at: 12/10/03 10:29 pm
|
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 94
(12/10/03 10:44 pm)
171.75.220.61
| Del
|
RE:
...snack food industry!" The Shikadi laughed maniacally, overcome
by evil glee. Mark patiently waited for the laughter to end. He
didn't have long to wait, because....
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 267
(12/11/03 12:23 pm)
203.134.137.132
| Del
|
Re: RE:
...Magnus Magnusson, Mark's long-time rival from Iceland (he
charmed Mark's dream girl, a beautiful Southern Belle, into going
out with him), who done a wild bet was driving around in his Ford
Falcon ( 
), playing Björk's music in Mark's vicinity.
"you'll be given
love/you'll be taken care of/you'll be given love/you have to trust
it"
And then, Mark started...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 12/11/03 12:30 pm
|
AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 42
(12/11/03 12:30 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
|
Re: RE:
...smashed his Mobile phone into the ground, causing the shikadi
master #2 to be destroyed (?), therefore saving the snack industry
for the time being.
Mark turned to his high school rival, and
having another "stroke of genius" said:
"You can't have my...
____________________________________________
I would be witty,
but I don't feel like impressing you. |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 268
(12/11/03 12:34 pm)
203.134.137.132
| Del
|
Re: RE:
..Cheetoes! Or my Neural Blaster, my Holden Commodore, my working
for the local stockist of Skyr yoghurt that your dad is the board of
directors of...
AND YOU ESPECIALLY CAN'T HAVE MY
GIRL!"
Angered, Magnus Magnusson threw headphones with
Björk's music playing. Without the power of Cheetoes, Mark was
helpless to stop it...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 43
(12/11/03 10:26 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
|
Re: RE:
...from chirping.
"By the way, where are you headed Mark?"
Magnus asked, changing the subject in suspicious manner.
"To,
well, WHO WANTS TO KNOW???" Mark screamed.
"Jeez, I'm just trying
to be helpful, you don't have to wet your pants over it. So, where
are you going, maybe I could give you a ride."
"I have just got
to find some Cheeto's for a power-up, then off to take on the
Flatulent Baron. You think you could help, uh, I mean, It's been a
long time since you stole my girlfriend and all. Friends?"
Questioned Mark with uncertainty.
"Friends." replied Magnus. "By
the way, there are some spare Cheeto's that I always keep in the
glove department, you are welcome to indulge in them."
Mark made
his way to the passenger side, and hopped in the car. He began to
open the glove department, and out leaped an enormous...
____________________________________________
I would be witty,
but I don't feel like impressing you. |
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 98
(12/13/03 1:12 am)
171.75.220.4
| Del
|
Re:
...glove! Flying at his face it....
|
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 896
(12/13/03 1:35
am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
|
Re: Re:
blasted deadly cheeto juice at him, melting the headrest with it's
orange deadliness. If Mark hadn't ducked, he would have been a
goner. Mark grabbed the glove and put it on his hand. "I NOW HAVE
THE POWER OF CHEETO JUICE!" he screamed crazily, and aimed it at
MAGNUS. "very well" replied Mangus, but I must warn you, I have
powers of my own..."
Mangus put on a rubber glove and gave Marc a
high five, and suddenly..."
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CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 101
(12/13/03 2:21 am)
203.220.175.164
| Del
|
esreveR
...they realised they were driving in reverse. In fact, now that he
thought about it, Magnus noticed they'd been doing so for the past
fifteen minutes, ever since he thought he'd seen a green cow
hitchhiking along the side of the road and decided he wanted to pick
it up. It turned out it was a green wheelie bin, but they had loaded
it into the back seat anyway.
As Magnus returned the car to a
forward momentum, Mark turned to him and asked, "Can we please get
rid of that damn bin? It's really starting to make me
hungry."
Annoyed at this remark, Magnus took off his glove,
threw it at Mark and complained, "...
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"The irritating
notion that the beholder should complete through his imagination
what the artist left undone is refuted by the sumi paintings, so
fond of incomplete objects. Try to complete the rocks whose base is
lost in the mist or to populate the "empty" spaces with more rocks
or woods, and you will find that your clumsy moves destroy the
delicate balance and thus the meaning."
-Rudolf Arnheim, Parables
of Sun Light
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 49
(12/14/03 5:52 am)
65.34.59.53
| Del
|
topple down the
tunnel
"...Let's cut the crap, Mark. We both know what this is really
about. I think you stole my girlfriend , but you believe that she
was already yours. Let's just go and ask her who her true love
really is."
"Sounds like a plan to me" Mark replied,
challengingly.
So Mark and Magnus started driving (unknowingly
still in reverse) toward Newfoundland, where the legendary beauty of
their high school resides.
Suddenly, when they were only 25 miles
away from her house, the pavement of the road in front of them
started to melt and it formed a whirlpool. Magnus and Mark tried to
stop; however the car was speeding too fast. The car was caught in
the whirlpool, and they plummeted down a tunnel, only to find
themselves in...
____________________________________________
I would be witty,
but I don't feel like impressing you. |
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 100
(12/15/03 1:09 am)
171.75.220.21
| Del
|
Re:
...Newfoundland! As they were now far ahead of schedule, they
decided they had time for a quick stop at the most popular fast food
joint in the whole southeastern section of the city. As they pulled
into the drive through, a voice floated out of a box beside the car.
It said, "....
|
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 903
(12/15/03 2:45
am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
|
Re: Re:
"VELCOME DO DE CHEETO HUT! MAY I DAKE VOUR ORGER?"
"I'll have a
large side of deep fried cheetos" said Mark, surprised to hear a
german accent in a primarily italian community. "I'll take the extra
spicy cheeto surprise with extra tartar sauce." Grumbled Magnus in a
bored voice. As they drove up to the booth, Mark pondered the
bizzarely familiar german voice. "ere is vour orger
gentlemen."
Mark looked up to see the familiar face of the Baron
leering down at him. "AAAAH! IT'S HIM!" screamed Marc. Magnus
grabbed the food and floored the reverse petal, smashing into...
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Crazy
Dude
Vortininja
Posts:
192
(12/15/03 4:02
pm)
207.54.102.45
| Del
|
Re:
...a huge pile of horse manure. "Ewww." Mark pinched his nose from
the smell. However, the Baron was running after the idle car.
"Hurry! We've got to get out of here!" Magnus tried to ease the car
out but it would not budge. "What do we do?!" Mark screamed like a
little girl. Then, all of a sudden...
|
RoboRed
Shikadi Security
Guard
Posts: 396
(1/3/04 11:53
pm)
63.224.171.145
| Del
![]() |
Re: Re:
...a Vorticon dropship appeared and landed right in front of the
car! As it opened, a squad of Vorticon Elites walked out, armed with
hyper pistols and 2 vorticon railguns. As they aimed at Magnus, he
rapidly searched his mind about what to do next. Suddenly, it hit
him. He would...
*RoBoReD*
Over and
out.
![]()
 <---I
like the sleeping slug. |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 119
(1/4/04 1:04 am)
203.220.174.200
| Del
|
It lives! IT
LIIIVES!
...dematerialise himself into a ball of light, head for the nearest
general store, purchase excessive amounts of confectionary and paper
towel, and return before anybody even noticed he was
gone.
This didn't quite solve the problem at hand.
Nonetheless, he found a way to improvise.
"GO THAT WAY!" he
called out to Mark, who heeded his call and attempted to climb out
the roof.
"It won't work. There's a roof in the way," Mark
objected.
"Well... well... then that--" just then a loud
'Zzzzaapp!" reverberated through the car, just
as...
>CommanderSpleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"When will power
and the imagination are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always
without exception the imagination that wins. When the imagination
and will power are harmoniously pulling in the same direction,
irresistible force is the result."
- Emile Coue
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ Edited by: CommanderSpleen
at: 1/4/04 1:10 am
|
RoboRed
Shikadi Security
Guard
Posts: 400
(1/4/04 2:04
am)
63.224.171.145
| Del
![]() |
Re: It lives! IT
LIIIVES!
...the Vorticn Elites opened fire! People nearby started panicking
and running in every which direction. The leader of the squad saw
their fearful faces and ceased fire. He opened his mouth and calmly
spoke. Since the leader was speaking in Vorticon, Mark could not
understand him. Hid did, however, realize one thing, he was
demanding something. But what?...
*RoBoReD*
Over and
out.
![]()
<---I
like the sleeping slug. |
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 115
(1/4/04 3:39 am)
67.75.176.132
| Del
|
Re:
Drawing on all that he had learned from his adventures, Mark
decided they must want some sort of snack food.
|
AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 50
(1/5/04 3:41 am)
65.34.58.7
| Del
|
SNACKFOODS
Suddenly out of the vorticon spaceship walked thier highschool
girlfriend, with a bag of cheetos.
"Only one of you may leave
with the cheetos, and the girl!" Shouted a vorticon ninja into a
microphone. Music came on and video cameras rolled up. "Now it's
time to play 'Who do ya' choose?'" !
It seemed as though Mark
and Mangus were on a vorticon reality or game show. They both looked
at eachother very confused. The girl with cheetos said: "I just
can't..."
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 283
(1/7/04 12:09 am)
203.134.137.76
| Del
|
Chill out
Mark!
Their highschool girlfriend, now a vet, was saying, "Hands off you
alien jerks!"
"OOOOHH, a feisty one, huh? Well, who do ya
choose!?"
"Ah can't decide...too much pressure...besides, Ah'm
over both of them now! Ah have a fiance!" she shouted, pointing to
her engagement ring. "He's going to be looking for lil' ol
me!"
Mark shouted, "Take me instead!"
"OK then," the Vorticon
Ninja shouted with a wicked glee. "Give the girl back to the whale
eater here," pointing at Magnus. "We'll let Mark go in Iceland - in
the buff! As for Magnus, he's going to go to Waikiki, in
Hawaii..."
Mark had another Tourette's outburst, as he was
dragged off naked into the village of Isafjordhur, on the north-west
coast of Iceland...
"I hope you can take the cold, Mark! Whod've
thought - me go to your birthplace, and you go to my
birthplace!"
As Mark was let go in Isafjordhur, he was more
confused and angry than ever. Sure, Cheetoes were there in Iceland,
but they were uber-expensive. Mark...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 120
(1/9/04 1:33 am)
67.30.64.150
| Del
|
Re
began to tear up. He thought about....
note from xtraverse -
you can edit your post 
Edited by: Xtraverse
 at: 1/9/04 2:25 am
|
keen
online ![]()
Vortininja
Posts: 212
(1/9/04 9:51 am)
62.171.194.41
| Del
![]() |
Re: Re
THE ULTIMATE CHEETO, he knew it was only a legend, but if the
legend was true it would give its possessor the power to control
time, with only a slight after taste. Legend has it that the
ultimate cheeto was made from three rocks that broke away from the
moon, one rock came down before the turn of the century, the second,
during the turn of the century and the third, after the turn of the
century. The cheeto was so powerful that it is said that its maker
couldn't control its power, either that or he was allergic to dairy
products.
Suddenly Mark tripped over...
![]() Keen says: Visit keen online for
all you keen needs.
|
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 955
(1/9/04 10:21
pm)
24.187.190.18
| Del
|
Re: Chain
story
a huge orange crescent shaped rock. Mark looked back, and stared at
the massive cheeto. "IT'S THE ULTIMATE CHEETO!" Mark bit down hard,
and reeled back as he chipped a tooth. "MAN that thing's stale!" he
grumbled, and reached for the...
Official Keenbound Site
Visit #dosgamers on
irc.mircx.com! |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 122
(1/10/04 2:18 am)
203.220.175.143
| Del
|
Loud. Unruly.
Chainsaw.
...the stars, screaming, "Why do you taunt me so!?" Sighing, he
slipped the huge crescent shaped rock into his back pocket and
returned to the situation at hand.
"Now what?" he asked
himself.
"Now you continue your quest for THE ULTIMATE
CHEETO," a voice replied.
"Oh, great. I've gotta stop going
on these wacky adventures. Now I'm hearing voices."
Just then
a hand fell on his shoulder. Reeling around, and emitting a loud,
whirring scream, he found himself being slapped stupid.
"Shut
up! Shut up! Stop screaming!" screamed the stranger.
Mark...
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"When will power
and the imagination are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always
without exception the imagination that wins. When the imagination
and will power are harmoniously pulling in the same direction,
irresistible force is the result."
- Emile Coue
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
keen
online ![]()
Vortininja
Posts: 215
(1/10/04 11:21 am)
82.32.48.251
| Del
![]() |
Re: Chain
story
...I am your father...
![]() Keen says: Visit keen online for
all you keen needs.
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 286
(1/12/04 1:10 am)
203.134.137.169
| Del
|
Re: Loud.
Unruly. Chainsaw.
The voice was coming from inside a house. Mark knocked on the door,
and it was a middle-aged man, with greasy Cheetoes in his
beard.
"Mark, it's me, your daddy!"
"Pffft, yeah right,
how can an Icelander be my father!?"
"I'm no Icelander," the old
man said, in a bad Californian accent. "How I ended up here was
different: that fatso known as the Fat Baron put me here after I had
gone out to the bar to get some Cheetoes and some beer. Alcohol is
expensive out here, and so are the Cheetoes!"
"Yeah, tell me
about it," Mark said, who nearly collapsed of hypothermia from
standing outside naked.
"Come in and get some clothes," his
father said, as Mark walked in, invited by a friendly gesture...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 1/13/04 8:35 pm
|
Robo
Blue
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 981
(1/13/04 8:41
pm)
24.187.190.18
| Del
|
Re: Chain
story
As soon as he entered, the room, he sensed that something was
wrong. There were an excess of empty beer cans, but no cheetos in
sight. "Dad?" Inquired Mark in a confused voice. The man ripped off
his rubber mask to reveal himself as none other than...
Official Keenbound Site
Visit #dosgamers on
irc.mircx.com! |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 297
(1/14/04 8:37 am)
202.138.30.84
| Del
|
Re: Loud.
Unruly. Chainsaw.
...a guy in a beret who smelt like escargot.
"I have you
now, zat is for sure, ja?" said the guy in the beret.
Mark said,
"Warum bist du in Island?" (Why are you in Iceland?)
"Ich bin ein
Arbeiter fur die Dick Junker!" (I am a worker for the Fat
Baron!)
Mark started having a Tourette's outburst, when he
was netted...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 1/24/04 8:20 am
|
Keeniver
Grunt
Posts: 26
(1/24/04 11:15 pm)
207.179.107.93
| Del
|
Re: Chain
story
... by malevolent green squid-creatures. He barely even struggled
as they dragged him down to their secret lair.
"We will take you
to our leader," they proclaimed. "But first, you must pass the 'Test
of the Fish'. Never mind that you're not a fish."
They led him
into another room (after giving him some breathing gear), and there
he saw...
|
LevelLord00
Meep
Posts: 1
(2/21/04 10:12 am)
219.88.58.104
| Del
|
Re total
insanity
...a giant pink antelope.
After dispatching the creature
with his air tank, Mark quickly realised that he had no air. After
drowning Mark woke up and saw...
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 331
(3/8/04 10:43 am)
203.134.137.81
| Del
|
Re: Chain
story
...of all people, Magnus!?
"What are you doing here, you
whale-eating git?" Mark shouted in anger.
"Whale-eating?"
"Ah,
forget it," Mark said. "Let's get back Stateside, there we can fight
the Fat Baron!"
"That's what I was here to tell you about - the
Fat Baron is planning to take over the world!"
"With
what?"
"Well, all I know is that my Björk albums were stolen by a
man wearing lederhosen - one of the Fat Baron's men...I believe he
is going to use them to take over the world!"
Suddenly, the
song 'It's All So Quiet' broke out. Most people covered their ears,
but Magnus was humming and singing. Mark turned to notice...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 3/23/04 11:18 am
|
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 58
(3/26/04 10:18 pm)
207.179.107.90
| Del
|
Re: Re total
insanity
... a dark and evil presence lurking in the doorway. It held up a
record album, grinned evilly, and vanished in a puff of unwholesome
smoke.
He coughed, and was blinded momentarily by all of the
smoke. When he finally managed to see again, he noticed that the
whole room had changed, and the person standing in front of him now
looked like ...
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 234
(3/27/04 12:22 am)
203.221.145.3
| Del
|
Based On A
[Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
...she needed a facelift, stat! Calling upon skills he learned many
years ago when he sleep-walked into a salon, he set about locating a
hammer and an ice pick.
"Does anyone have an eski?" he called
out. The only response was a lone cricket chirping in the corner of
the room, and even that sounded rather eerie. "Well, how about a
bucket?"
By now, his hapless subject had vanished into the
darkness beyond the doorway. In her stead now stood a leprechaun,
singing the You've Got No Eski Song.
No eski do you
have.
Do you have eski? No.
If you want an eski,
Talk to
Ca--
Just then, the leprechaun
died a hurried, overly dramatised death. Mark broke out into a
coughing fit, while...
>Commander Spleen
P.S. You
know a chain story's getting whacked out when ezBoard is advertising
BrainTumor.Org at the top of the page.
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"Keep thy heart
(imagination) with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of
life."
Proverbs 4:23
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
LevelLord00
Vortininja
Posts: 242
(3/27/04 1:25 am)
219.88.58.34
| Del
|
Re: Re total
insanity
...the solo from éat your veggies' played in the background. "Okay
that does it!" said Mark. Pulling out a villian technologies (TM)
C17 series atomizer, (c 2003) he rapidly reduced his surrounding and
everyone in them to a small pile of ash.
Suddenly he felt the
barrel of a vorticon rail gun pressed to his neck. "That was quite a
good show " said...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 61
(3/27/04 8:47 pm)
207.179.107.90
| Del
|
Re: Based On A
[Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
... somebody wearing a bright green hood pulled over their face.
They sounded as if they were wearing a breathing appartus.
"But
it is all up for you know." they squeezed the trigger, and ...
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 238
(3/28/04 1:20 am)
203.221.145.209
| Del
|
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr..
rendsaesnntt!
...Mark was launched forwards onto the floor. Apart from a stabbing
pain in his neck and the usual self-induced broken ankle, he felt
fine.
Climbing to his feet, Mark reached around the back of
his neck and pulled something out--a novelty "BANG!"
flag.
"Psyche!" called the stranger from behind him, now
stepping into the light. "Ow! Dammit! My eyes!"
Mark turned
around to see, of all people...
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"Keep thy heart
(imagination) with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of
life."
Proverbs 4:23
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
LevelLord00
Vortininja
Posts: 254
(3/28/04 9:56 am)
219.88.57.214
| Del
|
Re: Based On A
[Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
Mortimer Mcmire...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 339
(4/4/04 6:13 am)
203.134.137.199
| Del
|
Re:
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
"YOU'RE REALLY MORTIMER MCMIRE!?!?!" Mark shouted.
"Yup, mental
wimp," Mortimer said, in a girly voice.
"Hmmm...I didn't know that
about you..." Mark said, putting his back to the wall. "Obviously
you're not the real Mortimer McMire," Mark said, ripping off the
helmet, revealing it was attached to a mask. It was...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 335
(4/4/04 10:24
am)
219.89.1.50
| Del
|
Re: Based On A
[Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
Molly Mcmire!...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 341
(4/5/04 2:29 am)
203.134.137.111
| Del
|
Re:
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...however, this Molly McMire looked different. She was older than
the real Molly McMire, about 27. She was dressed in a black catsuit
with the white logo "CTB" inside an hourglass logo. The motto was
"Tempus Fugit".
"Actually, I'm not Molly McMire, I'm Stephanie
Muller, Chronological Travel Bureau. How would you like to travel
forward in time..." the Molly look-alike said. "I was chosen since
you are the biggest fan of Commander Keen..."
"You're going to
send me forward in time!?" Mark jumped and clapped his hands in
delight.
"Well, let's go!" Stephanie said, bustling Mark into a
DeLorean. Co-ordinates set for the 22nd Century.
When they
went through the time tunnel, they emerged into a future city. The
cops, on hoverbikes, started chasing the DeLorean...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 346
(4/5/04 10:28
am)
210.86.45.232
| Del
|
Re: Based On A
[Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
...for exceeding the speed limit. A few expensive tickets later,
Stephanie Muller said to Mark "Actually, the real reason I brought
you here is to stop this."
Mark looked at the Id software
building in total horror, 'No,' he said. 'The final Commander Keen
episode can't be called...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 351
(4/13/04 10:02 am)
203.134.137.235
| Del
|
Re:
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
"Commander Keen IX: Vince McMahon's Great Game!!!"
Mark
later learnt from a newspaper (more of a news-web page), with this
title: BODY SLAM ON ID
"Vince McMahon III has taken over iD
Software, especially its new label, Commander Keen, in order to
fight profit downturns. The game has been re-made into a wrestling
game. The Society Against Schlock are demanding an end to McMahon's
corporation, the WWWE, the last vestige of the Age of Schlock, that
infamous time of cultural degradation in the late 20th and much of
the 21st Century." It went on to describe information about the
corporate takeover.
Another headline grabbed attention on
Page 3. "The Björk Guðmundsdóttir Centre has opened in down-town
Newport City..."
Mark reacted...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 275
(4/13/04 3:30 pm)
203.220.174.102
| Del
|
Hmm... it's
raining again.
...violently, shoving pieces of lint from his pocket up his nose
and demanding Stephanie take him to the nearest Cheetos
outlet.
"Cheetos? What's a Cheeto?"
Mark was beyond
dumbfounded. In fact, not even the 22nd century had (woah... tense
gets tripped out in time travel stories...
) a word for Mark's reaction. One could almost see his frontal lobe
peeling back and spilling out his ears, followed by his liver,
kidneys and spleen. Of course, one would have to be watching very
closely.
"I need to sit down for a minute," Mark said
absently, opening the door of the DeLorean.
"What are you
doing!?" shouted Stephanie.
Mark...
>Commander
Spleen
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"If a sign reads
"You Are Here" and nobody's around to read it, is it lying?"
-
You
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 353
(4/15/04 8:42 am)
202.138.30.85
| Del
|
Re:
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...started having a Tourettes outburst. "AAARGGH...GREEEAK...YOU
[intercourse] [female dog]!"
Stephanie exclaimed, "Oh my, that's
no way to behave," and injected something into Mark using a
hypospray. He immediately calmed down.
"I've got to find out
what happened to the Cheetoes!" Mark yelled.
"Excuse me? But,
pray tell, what is a cheeto?" Stephanie answered.
"It's a little
round snack. Tastes like cheese, only a bit more artificially
tasty."
"Artificial?"
"Never mind," Mark said, "get me to the
library of history! I reckon the Fat Baron has something to do with
the loss of all Cheetoes!"
Mark found out...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 529
(4/15/04 9:08
am)
219.88.58.52
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
...that all cheetos had been destroyed by Komandant Milt a.k.a
CommanderSpleen the third in 2022. "This madman must be stopped!"
said Mark "Or has been stopped, or hasn't?"
Acting quickly
Mark auctioned off his liver and travelled to 2022. Imagine his
shock when, apon leaving the time machine he came face to face
with...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 355
(4/15/04 12:53 pm)
203.134.137.118
| Del
|
Re:
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...the cast and crew of Velocity Crime, that was noted in
Stephanie's history book as this:
"Velocity Crime was a show
that was at its peak during the 2020s, 2030s, but whose cancellation
in the mid 2050s soon after the Bio-Plagues led to the events that
ended the Age of Schlock. The objective of the show was to commit
misdemeanours, thefts, burglaries and arson as fast as possible,
with losing contestants being turned into the police for a swift
execution - it was not unknown for other contestants to be killed as
well. Often, the film ended with a spectacular car-chase, and cars
with guns strapped on reminiscient of post-apocalyptic fiction were
often used in the car chase scenes. In the latter periods, when food
was scarce and deaths were numerous, even murder was permitted. It
was invented by the People's Republic of China as a method of
population control and entertainment, but spread to other countries
with population problems. Apparently, a man by the name of Kommadant
Milt, as his debuting crime, he destroyed all of a type of round,
artificial snack. Some theorise that the presence of these snacks
could have saved billions from starvation during the World Famine
Crisis, where even Western countries starved. He was led on to
perform numerous arson attacks which killed dozens. Overall, during
Kommadant Milt's career, his total kill ratio was 3,250 people.
Overall, Velocity Crime was the most schlocky show ever, as well as
being grossly immoral," the history book quoted.
So, Mark
knew he really had to stop Kommadant Milt from destroying all the
Cheetoes and to save these people! Mark...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 752
(5/10/04 12:27
pm)
219.89.1.93
| Del
.htm) |
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
jumped into his transdimensional waping device and wapped to the
PCKF dimension. Apon arrival Mark found himself in front of two
large buildings. One was a gigantic spleen, golden in hue and
glorious to behold despite the many aeons of dust and neglect
covering it. The other was a giant milt, dark and forebodeing, a
slick oily black, surrounded by dark clouds and
evil.
"Hey!"
Mark turned and saw, Commander...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 327
(5/10/04 2:01 pm)
203.221.144.209
| Del
 |
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
...Spleen, recognisable by the $5 op-shop suit jacket and a
constant muttering of almost obscene jibberish, hanging upside down
from an overhanging tree branch above, typing furiously before what
must have been a 62" screen embedded upside down into a clifface
about five metres away.
From here, Mark could see the PCKF in
all its semi-holographic glory. Spleen was apparently typing a
message: "Re: Hmm... it's raining again."
"Hey, Spleen!" Mark
shouted. He noticed a gnarled figure, disturbingly reminiscent of
Princess Lindsey, near the foot of the cliff, curled up into a ball,
rocking and muttering, "They can't limit me... show them all... not
a spammer..."
Commander Spleen hadn't responded. The
mutterings grew louder and more frequent. The typing became more
furious as the moments passed until all that could be heard was a
low drone of intermingled clicking sounds projecting from the
keyboard.
Mark walked over to the Princess Lindsey replica,
reached an arm onto her shoulder and said,
"LevelLord?"
"Aiieeeeeee!" she wailed. Mark stepped back
suddenly, only to be startled by a strangely familiar voice behind
him.
"Garg it! What are you doing to LevelLord?" Mark spun
around, only to see staring back at him... 
"KeenRush!?" Mark...
>CommanderSpleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"The universe truly
seems to be set up as a platform for the actualization of our
deepest and most heartfelt aspirations. It is a dynamic system
propelled by nothing less than the constant flow of small miracles.
But there is a catch. The universe is built to respond to our
consciousness, but it will give back to us only the level of quality
we put in."
- James Redfield: The Celestine Vision
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 77
(5/10/04 7:17 pm)
207.179.107.90
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
... started to back away, wondering what he had gotten himself into
now. The ground opened up behind him, and he plummeted for several
feet before falling onto a metal-plated surface.
At first he
couldn't see anything because it was so dark, but when his eyes
adjusted, he saw a black circle of ...
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 757
(5/11/04 11:50
am)
210.86.45.252
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
...shadowy figures. Levellord stood up from where she had fallen.
Mark gasped, the former buety queen now stodd hunched before him,
haggard and disheveled, thin as a rake and ugly as a boboons rear.
Her usual torrent of loud mothed comentary had been reduced to a
mindles babbling.
"We got the boy for you master! We was good
we was. We went up to the light to gets him. He'll destroy Milt
won't he master?"The tallest figure spoke: "Indeed Level. Here's
your reward." The figure tossed a small glowing square with the
letters 're' on it into a corner. Levellord scuttled after it
mumbling joyfully. Mark recognised the object as a post.
The
figures all moved forward. Mark could see that they were all
horibbly disfigured, and each bore the number 8 on their foreheads.
Mark gasped. "Unfleexable?" The former Spam lord stood before him,
seven feet of solid alien, his arthropodic skin gleaming in the dim
light, he was an impressive sight to behold despite the Djaser scars
covering his face. Fleex spoke: "Ah Mark, I wondered when you'd get
here. I see you've met the Post Lord KeenRush, and Milt's mind slave
Spleen. We seem to both be after the same goal here Mark. I'll be
brief, you kill KeenRush, I'll kill Milt. Any questions?" "Yeah,"
said Mark. "Just one...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Photachyon
Transceiver
Posts: 5873
(5/11/04
2:17 pm)
212.246.17.130
| Del
 |
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
[..sorry, can't continue, but gotta say there's some interesting
twists on the story, go on..]
It's the mind-belt.... |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 371
(5/14/04 9:43 am)
203.134.137.186
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
...thing. You must face he who has suffered a worse fate than the
8-Post Limit Curse..."
Mark got sucked into a vortex, into
the Hotel Dimension. Wandering through the halls, he then noticed a
room entitled "Social Room". A little voice told Mark he may find
Keenrush there.
Opening the door, there was a room with a
pooltable, doors and a TV.
"So...where the heck is Keenrush?"
Mark shouted.
"Please...stay away..." an Australian-accented, but
slightly British-sounding, voice said.
"Who's that!?"
From
a corner emerged a dazed, confused young man. His once brilliant
blue-green eyes had been dulled, his once healthy skin turned a
pallor. He was wearing homeboyish clothing, but something was tucked
away.
"Please, keep away!" the boy shouted.
"Who are you?"
Mark shouted.
"Ah, bloody hell, not so [censored] loud!" the boy
shouted. "Just, stay away! Unless you want to suffer the
curse..."
"What curse?" Mark inquired.
"THE CURSE! I am
NephariteofIlian, but now I am no ordinary man, I was cursed to
transform, when I don't drink enough Pepsi into something
else..."
"What?"
"I am a Were-Björk," the boy said.
"A
were-what?" Mark shouted.
Suddenly, the boy crouched in pain.
"THIS IS THE EVIDENCE!!!" he shouted, revealing a closet filled with
weird clothing - of the sort that a certain female Icelandic singer
would wear. "I haven't drunk a Pepsi in days! Now look what is
happening! Milt did this to me! Don't let him do it to you!"
Crouching in pain, NephariteofIlian slowly morphed and
changed into an elfin female, black-haired and of a distinct
appearance, not especially attractive, but of a distinct charm.
"Please...save me...destroy Milt..." His voice was cut off, the
Australian twang submerged by a half-Scandinavian, half-Cockney
feminine voice. He - or rather the Were-Björk he had now become,
said...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 5/15/04 6:11 am
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 801
(5/16/04 9:03
am)
219.88.57.109
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
...Woot! 'Re' tag! geben geben geben ! Mark watched him/her/it run
off with disdain [that disdain, always running off with
someone.]
Mark climbed out of the sunken pit with caution.
Spleen was still there, muttering incoherently, maybe he could be of
help. "Hey Spleen!" Mark yelled, "I need to defeat KeenRush, can you
help me?" Spleen bounded over, "I like pie!" he exclaimed. "Oh
yeah," said Mark "the mindslave thing." Having picked up a candidate
for the insane asylum, Mark Marched of to destroy KeenRuh. He wasn't
hard to find, the large grey dome with the capital 'K' on top was a
dead giveaway, as were the rotting bodies of fallen spammers [and a
few trolls] lying along the path.
Mark entered. "So you're
the pitiful fool Fleex sent? Ha! Eat poll vermin!" Mark dodged as
dozzens of poles flew towards him, embedding themselves into the
ground. Spleen wasn't so lucky, one impaled him into the wall.
"Dying tickles!" he gasped.
"Noooooo!" yelled Mark. Filled
with rage and bile Marks' common sense deserted him. He reached into
his pocket and pulled out his most powerful wepon, something he had
decided against using up until now no matter what. Something so
destructive it could destroy all of existence.
Something more
powerful than his Villian Technologies plasma
cannon.
Something more dangerous than a charging
Fleex.
Something more awesome than a really awesome
thing.
* Gasp * choked KeenRush. "Not the...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Photachyon
Transceiver
Posts: 5937
(5/16/04
3:10 pm)
212.246.17.130
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
"He wasn't hard to find, the large grey dome with the capital 'K'
on top was a dead giveaway, as were the rotting bodies of fallen
spammers [and a few trolls] lying along the path."
..Universe-o-Toaster!"
"Yes it is, stright
from the private dash of Mortimer McMire!" Mark replied, his voice
getting a creepy tune. Soon he started laughing.
"Um.. What?"
KeenRush clumsily replied.
"That's right mister 314. 'Cause
you have 'Keen' in your name, you must be Commander Keen. You really
thought that stupid name change would help you to
hide?"
"But.. But.."
"Don't play with me punk, I know
all about you. Molly probably didn't told you ever who she was
dating.."
"Um, excuse me sir, in case you haven't read the
official Keen stories, Keen is 8 years old, or was at least was in
1990. I'm 16 and 17 really soon and Keen's some years older than me
and -- AARGh, nooo!!"
Mark had shot KeenRush with a stunner he
had on his other pocket.
KeenRush knew there was nothing to
do anymore. He felt his consciousness disappear. The last thing he
managed to do before it went all black was to hit a big red button
behind him. There read 'GARG RELEASE' in the button.
Mark
heard...
It's the mind-belt.... |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 387
(5/17/04 7:03 am)
203.134.137.138
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
Björk's singing 'Hunter'. Apparently, it had a bad effect on the
Gargs, causing them to scatter and run off rampaging through the
PCKF dimension.
"Is that you Magnus, playing those Björk
CDs?"
"Why no," said the Were-Björk. "A hearty Re-Tag to you,"
she said, still in a half-Scandinavian, half-Cockney accent.
"Is
that you Neph?"
"Why yes, but in a much more beautiful and
harmonious form!" she said. "Clank, bang, boom, you will hear my
music!"
"NephariteofIlian, snap out of it!" Mark shouted, shaking
the Were-Björk NephariteofIlian.
Suddenly, the Were-Björk did
something totally unexpected - she kissed him on the lips (OOC:
GARG, why am I, NephariteofIlian, kissing Mark? 
) and then bit his forearm, infecting Mark with the Were-Björk
curse.
"Well, my master, I have infected another one," said
the Were-Björk NephariteofIlian, joyfully.
"Excellent," a voice
boomed from the corner. "We have another servant of the Miltian
Empire!"
Suddenly, Mark began to itch terribly, like a
terrible case of jock itch. He felt his insides twisting, his bones
crunching, like a growing pain but from his large frame shrinking,
his body reassembling into the form of a were-Björk. He had another
Tourette's outburst as...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 810
(5/17/04 11:04
am)
210.86.45.235
| Del
|
Re: Chain
story
[Woot! what great copy! I gotta stop posting here, but you just
keep giving me too many good ideas!
]
...dancing. The dance of death. He knew once he started
he would dance to Bjork until his mind was completely taken over by
it. Already an icelandic complexion was beggining to show on his
arms. He could see ahead of him the leering figure of Kommandant
Milt, along with the stangely attractive figure of
NephariteofIlian\Bjork. He felt his willpower failing. There was
only one thing he could do.
"Going for the ol' universe
destroyer?" Milt mocked plucking it from Marks grasp. "Thankyou so
much for bringing it to me." A shadow crossed Milts' face. He
levitated off the floor. "Where Mort failed I will succeed! I will
destroy the universe and shape it in my image! I will be God!" Mark
choked, dozens more were-Bjorks had emerged from the shadows, all
wailing to the inscesant music. "All that remains," boomed Milt "is
to absorb my good side... Spleen!" Milt headded toward the
struggling figure, tendrils of liver reaching out to engulf
him.
Mark made the decision. "Hey Milt!" he spluttered. "The
wepon I told 'Rush about was this!" Mark pulled out the infinite odd
drive and powered it up.
"2:1 against and rising. " it
intoned.
"That?" Milt screeched. "That pink chetoh like
object?" [4:1 against] "You are going to stop me with snackfood?"
[32:1 against] "When I rule the universe all will replace all
chetohs with Bjork albums! Don't make me laugh!" [2048:1
against]
With these words he fired the Universe-o-Toaster. At
that moment it did something very improbable, it didn't work.
[2^50:1 against] "Eat probbability!" Mark yelled. The infinite odd
drive was beeping faster now. [2^235:1 against] Strange things
started to happen, KeenRush became a giant swordfish, Bjork sprouted
pansies from its mouth, the floor exploded and the highest prime
number stripped in front of Milt.
There was a terrible burst
of noise and light The universe began splitting into a million
improbbable directions. In desperation Mark pushed the off
button.
There was a terrible burst of noise and
light.
Mark awoke. He was still in KR's lair, but the
terrible forces of probbability had worked their horrible course.
The walls were festooned with carp, TUIT had been produced as a
Mario fangame, Spleen had two purple heads. Mark looked at himself
and saw with horror that he had been transformed into...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 390
(5/17/04 11:34 am)
203.134.137.89
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
...a cane toad! Mark had been transformed into a cane toad, and
stood by as a helpless observer. Kommissar Milt was laughing at his
handiwork, revealing his true form - a darkly handsome
French-looking angel with black-feathered wings.
"Ah, so zee
handywork is complete, non?" Kommissar Milt said in his French
accent. He glared and stared at his new creation, the Were-Björk
NephariteofIlian. "And our zorn in our side has been turned into zee
least of creatures - zee cane toad."
"No, I will be the ruler of
this realm!" Were-Björk NephariteofIlian declared. She thrust a bolt
of dark energy into Kommissar Milt's side, and he dissolved.
However, the force of the explosion caused the scene to change - the
PCKF forum reverted to normal.
"So, little Mark," Were-Björk
NephariteofIlian said to the little cane-toad Mark. "You will be
restored to your original form." She concentrated, singing a magic
song in Old Norse, and he was reverted to normal. Mark was his
normal self, and the PCKF forum was restored to its normal
self.
"What!?" Were-Björk NephariteofIlian shouted. "What
happened to all the Were-Björks?" she shouted.
Then, someone
showed up - it was the real Björk, with a can of Pepsi in her hand.
Hustling a group of bouncers, she forced the Pepsi down the
Were-Björk's throat, and it reverted back to NephariteofIlian's
normal self.
"Wha...how did I get here..." NephariteofIlian,
now his normal self, said. "This is all a weird dream,
right?"
Björk screeched at NephariteofIlian, "MAKE SURE YOU DRINK
A PEPSI, ONE A DAY, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I CAN'T AFFORD TO
HAVE THIS SPECTACLE RUIN ME!"
NephariteofIlian said, "Will
do."
"Unfortunately," a booming voice said. "Both you and
NephariteofIlian are stuck with the Curse, and there is nothing I
can do about it. I have already expended my power curing the other
Were-Björks - besides, I think it should be a lesson in humility for
Neph, and also an essential for you, Mark - for though you have the
Curse of Were-Björkism, you can control yours."
"Who's that?"
Mark questioned.
It was Spleen's shade, a resplendent, golden
hue. "The damage will heal in time. Make sure that NephariteofIlian
gets his Pepsi - I cannot be held accountable for any damage if that
Were-Björk identity gets out again. In the meanwhile, I will go to
Sindri, the Hall of Rewarded Posters, and reside in the company of
such great minds as A.R. However, as for Milt, he will reside
forever in the halls of Nastrond, the Hall of Dark Posting, where he
will be tortured by poison dripping from serpents, and the insistent
playing of ABBA music."
Mark said, "Sounds right to
me."
"NephariteofIlian will go back to the real world to
recuperate, and as for Levellord, I have removed her 8-Post Limit
Curse."
Levellord was restored to her Princess Lindsey-like
glory, and Mark spent many happy years back in his birthplace of
Waikiki, eating Cheetoes and drinking Pepsi.
But what if, one
day, NephariteofIlian were to miss a dose of Pepsi?
The
end...or is it?
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 816
(5/17/04 11:58
am)
210.86.45.235
| Del
|
Re: Chain
story
Now thats
an ending! 
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
KeenRush
Photachyon
Transceiver
Posts: 5954
(5/17/04
12:41 pm)
212.246.17.130
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
Haha, the end.
It's the mind-belt.... |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 340
(5/18/04 12:15 am)
210.15.242.68
| Del
|
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
Now that was
amusing.
Now what?
Hmm... it's raining
again.
*sets about compiling story*
EDIT
Here
it is, in all it's Green and Gold glory!
PCKB Chain Story: Hmm... It's Raining Again
I made some (read: sh*tloads
of) spelling and grammatical errors, and rearranged the paragraph
layouts and so forth. If there are any further errors or if there's
something I missed, point it out, preferably with blatant
sarcasm.
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"The universe truly
seems to be set up as a platform for the actualization of our
deepest and most heartfelt aspirations. It is a dynamic system
propelled by nothing less than the constant flow of small miracles.
But there is a catch. The universe is built to respond to our
consciousness, but it will give back to us only the level of quality
we put in."
- James Redfield: The Celestine Vision
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ Edited by: CommanderSpleen
at: 5/18/04 1:25 am
|
Snaily
Messie
Posts: 1009
(5/19/04 6:31 am)
213.65.97.229
| Del
 |
Re: Hmm... it's
raining again.
Ended. Not that I've bothered to read it, but feel free to continue
in the other topic.
________
¨@_ | |
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