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Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 828
(11/21/03 10:08 pm)
24.187.190.18
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Chain story
I got bored, so I came up with this idea one day. It's not unique in any way, but it IS fun (I've done it on IRC a few times) so I thought we could do it here. I'll start the story, and someone else can pick up where I left off. Lets have some fun!

It was almost dark when Mark set out on the long journey traditional of his sunday life. His car awaited in the dim light of the garage, it's iridescence poking through the dark cave like fungi. He lumbered down the yellowed, uneven steps toward the object of his destiny. As he opened it's door, crusty chunks of cheetos fell to the floor. Mark picked one up, inhaled the deeply implanted aromas of cheese and sweat, and let it fall through the air, before smashing onto the concrete 6 feet later. He climbed into the car, and closed the door behind him. The engine roared, scaring the squirrel who made his home there. It hopped out just as Mark pulled out, shooting down the street like a maniac.

Official Keenbound Site
Visit The Dos Vault Message Board. I'm an admin

KeenRush
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 4403
(11/22/03 11:18 am)
212.246.17.130
| Del
a link in the chain, without whys without power, or whatever
Soon he heard that familiar sound of police car sirens. Oh no, the cops were after him. The sound got nearer and nearer..

(I really suck at these..)

Keen mods, please!

keen online 
Vortininja
Posts: 98
(11/22/03 11:59 am)
82.32.49.250
| Del
Re: a link in the chain, without whys without power, or what
The pursuit was getting bigger and bigger, mark glanced down at his watch, they ha been pursuing him for a good forty minutes. The once faint sound of sirens was getting louder and louder. And then they stopped, slightly confused mark turned to look through his back window, there was nothing, he turned back to face the road and had to make an emergency stop before he hit a …

Keen says: Visit keen online for all you keen needs.

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 82
(11/22/03 3:43 pm)
203.221.145.208
| Del
Spleen's contribution
stroke of genius. "Turn left!" he yelled. Mark really sucked at acting on his strokes of genius. Once he even got stuck in a convenience store for a full three days, yelling to himself, "Find the exit! It's just over there! But don't forget to pay for the stuff you grabbed from the shelves first... now, where did I put that counter...?" This got really repetitive, so the staff attempted to drown out the sound by having their in-house DJ create a remix, which they played just loud enough as to keep Mark out of earshot.

So, on he drove, onward into the night, trailed by sirens, red and blue lights, and a slab of concrete he somehow managed to get lodged into his boot. The radio announcer declared, "And now the country's Number 1 for this year, Remix of Mark's Ramblings!" Oblivious of the song's origin, he pumped up the music, started singing along and took off his ...

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"To stop your eyes from watering when chopping onions, put them in the freezer for 10 minutes beforehand."
- Reader's Digest

JimSoft Lair: Huge Spatang.com Portage Underway. Massive Developments Coming!

Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 830
(11/22/03 10:05 pm)
24.187.190.18
| Del
CHEETO-MAN!
...his braces, which were getting in the way of his singing. He threw them on the floor, and grabbed a handful of moldy cheetos that were lying on the seat, chewing them before swallowing gracelessly. "TO THE LEFT MARK! TO THE RIGHT MARK!" he sang, in his horribly off-tune voice. Suddenly, his car hit a construction ramp and went flying six feet in the air, only to...

Official Keenbound Site
Visit The Dos Vault Message Board. I'm an admin

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 257
(11/22/03 10:27 pm)
203.134.137.93
| Del
Re: CHEETO-MAN!
...be snagged by the tractor beam of a UFO far in orbit. As Mark was being slowly dragged up, he was yelling, screaming, like a confused, angry little girl throwing a tantrum, cursing a blue streak. (Did I mention he had Tourette's syndrome, and it was triggered by extremely stressful, out-of-the-ordinary situations? I mean a guy who keeps a whole load of Cheetos in his car must be odd!) The UFO swallowed Mark's car, revealing themselves. They were...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

keen online 
Vortininja
Posts: 101
(11/23/03 12:08 am)
82.32.49.250
| Del
Re: CHEETO-MAN!
bacon

Keen says: Visit keen online for all you keen needs.

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 84
(11/24/03 3:54 pm)
203.221.144.164
| Del
Commander Cheeto!
See, Mark was a huge Commander Keen fan. So much so that he even had his own Neural Stunner.

"Great slug! Shikadi! I knew it! iD really was inspired from a real UFO encounter! These guys are toast!" This was followed by a random Tourettes outburst.

A great round room, filled with glowing Shikadi, encircled him and his vehicle. A yellow pole hung from above, disappearing into an ominous green light.

With no time to lose, Mark whipped out his Neural Stunner and grabbed onto the pole. Switching it from 'stun' to 'lightly toasted', and using his weapon hand to rech for more Cheetos, he became "Commander Cheeto, Defender of Earth".

>Commander Spleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"To stop your eyes from watering when chopping onions, put them in the freezer for 10 minutes beforehand."
- Reader's Digest

JimSoft Lair: Huge Spatang.com Portage Underway. Massive Developments Coming!

keen online 
Vortininja
Posts: 120
(11/27/03 5:24 pm)
82.32.49.250
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
Wiping his eyes he couldn’t believe it, it had been three years since he had played commander keen, he knew it wasn’t this different. It had been eleven years since he last worked on the games, to him it felt like yesterday, but the thought of someone changing the story and graphics and trying to make out that it was there game filled him with rage (28 days later style). Reaching for the coat stand Tom Hall dons his brother's bowler hat, and transforms into:

TOM HALL – about to sue the keen community!

Keen says: Visit keen online for all you keen needs.

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 82
(11/27/03 6:55 pm)
67.75.179.182
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
But first, he had his abductors to deal with. He took aim, and began to wildly fire in their direction...

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 86
(11/29/03 12:27 am)
203.220.175.158
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
Soon after, the Keen community lay in a desolate, smoking mess before him. Sure, it might have been easier simly to hire a lawyer and sue the old fashioned way, but this was a lot more fun.

"No more Keen for you!" he screamed, wild laughter erupting like an exploding bag of Cheetos.

Meanwhile, back on the Shikadi ship, Mark was taking the opposite approach. After a failed gunfight in the room above his vehicle, he slid back down, grabbed his mobile phone and called his solicitor.

>Commander Spleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"To stop your eyes from watering when chopping onions, put them in the freezer for 10 minutes beforehand."
- Reader's Digest

JimSoft Lair Updated
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 840
(12/1/03 4:23 am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
"Hello... mom? are you there? c'mon, pick up please..."
The droll of his mom's answering machine perfectly complemented the cheetos fermenting in his stomach. "This is Helen Abraham Jeremiah Lenard speaking, and I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, as I am currently playing bridge at the club..."
Mark stabbed at his cell phone with dismay, accidently pressing the "self-destruct" button in the process. "This phone will self-destruct in ten minutes." "Repeat, this phone will self-destruct in ten minutes." What ever happened to ten seconds?, thought Mark. He threw the phone at his adversaries and ran, looking up just in time to see...

Official Keenbound Site
Visit The Dos Vault Message Board. I'm an admin

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 88
(12/5/03 1:38 am)
67.30.65.126
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
A zeppelin, humming loudly. The baron threw a rope lader down to him and shouted, "

Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 864
(12/5/03 3:10 am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
"BARGLE MACT EIN GLEMEINHOPPER!!!"
Mark wondered what a german guy in a blimp with a speech impediment was doing yelling at him. Nonetheless, he grabbed the ladder, and was soon pulled up into the Zepplen. "ARGLE HEIN LECHTENMENDER?" demanded the baron.
"um... yea." said Mark, eating another cheeto. "You want some?"
Mark handed the bag to the baron, who promptly started cramming them into his navel. Just as the bag dissappeared beneath his rolls of fat...

Official Keenbound Site
Visit The Dos Vault Message Board. I'm an admin

AKeenCommander
Grunt
Posts: 23
(12/9/03 11:51 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
Re: Commander Cheeto!
...The Baron lifted his left leg high into the air and ripped an enormous fart. Mark, grabbing his self-destructing moble phone, and jumped out of the zepplin. Flying through the air, Mark realized that he was falling towards a huge acre-lot of...

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 93
(12/10/03 2:29 am)
171.75.220.29
| Del
Re:
...sunflowers. He heard an ominous whirring noise coming towards him, but his vision was blocked by the flowers. Thinking quickly, ....

AKeenCommander
Grunt
Posts: 30
(12/10/03 2:37 am)
65.34.59.53
| Del
Re: Re:
...Mark pulled out of his pocket, the last cheeto to protect himself from the omnepotent sunflower seeds. The cheeto failed to protect him; and Mark plumeted head first, 6 feet underground, where he met a pack of moles who were all wearing Commander Keen football helmets. One mole who appeared to be the leader, came straight towards Mark, who was trying to recover the peices of his crushed Cheeto. The mole opened his mouth wide and...

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 96
(12/10/03 5:51 am)
203.220.175.186
| Del
The saga continues...
...losing no time, grabbed a Cheeto from his pocket and placed it in his mouth, exaggeratively savouring the taste of the round delicacy. He then turned to the others, motioning for them to do the same.

Mark, now attempting to consume the Cheeto crumbs he had managed to swipe mid-air, looked about him, horrified at the evil moles' mocking acts. Sobbing, he yelled, "Noooo!! They can't do this to me!!"

The moles soon ran out of Cheeto to savour. The leader pulled out a large baseball bat, and the rest of the pack followed suit. Each stood in preparation for the beating.

Losing no time, Mark composed himself, pulled out his neural stunner and aimed it down, firing two shots. One shot hit the mole leader. Moments later, Mark found himself hovering several feet above the ground.

The moles surrounding him raised their bats, and just as they were about to bring their bats crashing down upon the floor, Mark aimed his weapon up, screaming, "Cheetos!!" He fired a shot, impossible-bulleting up and out of the hole, which now collapsed behind him amid a roar of thudding mole-bats, followed the moles' echoing, defeated squeal.

Rocketing upwards, Mark awaited the moment at which he could leap off toward the zeppelin and reap his revenge on the Baron, and hopefully find some Cheetos.

...

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"The irritating notion that the beholder should complete through his imagination what the artist left undone is refuted by the sumi paintings, so fond of incomplete objects. Try to complete the rocks whose base is lost in the mist or to populate the "empty" spaces with more rocks or woods, and you will find that your clumsy moves destroy the delicate balance and thus the meaning."
-Rudolf Arnheim, Parables of Sun Light

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 35
(12/10/03 8:53 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
Re: The saga continues...
...Just then Mark's moble phone turned on and a lady's voice spoke
"Twenty minutes till self destruction"
"What? I think it is counting up!" Remarked Mark with a confused tone. Mark decided to try his Phone to see if it was still working. He picked up the cheeto-greeced cell phone and began dialling. before he finished dialling his Psychic Therapist's number, the phone started ringing.
Confused as to who it could be, Mark answered.

"This is the Shikadi Master #2 (who wasn't on the ship you blew up)! I know where you are Mark, and I know of your quest for Cheetos and revenge to the Fat Basterd, uh, I mean Fat Baron, but I must stop your quest now. I want to show you the destruction of the entire..."

____________________________________________
I would be witty, but I don't feel like impressing you.

Edited by: AKeenCommander at: 12/10/03 10:29 pm
lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 94
(12/10/03 10:44 pm)
171.75.220.61
| Del
RE:
...snack food industry!" The Shikadi laughed maniacally, overcome by evil glee. Mark patiently waited for the laughter to end. He didn't have long to wait, because....

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 267
(12/11/03 12:23 pm)
203.134.137.132
| Del
Re: RE:
...Magnus Magnusson, Mark's long-time rival from Iceland (he charmed Mark's dream girl, a beautiful Southern Belle, into going out with him), who done a wild bet was driving around in his Ford Falcon ( :barf ), playing Björk's music in Mark's vicinity.

"you'll be given love/you'll be taken care of/you'll be given love/you have to trust it"

And then, Mark started...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

Edited by: NephariteofIlian at: 12/11/03 12:30 pm
AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 42
(12/11/03 12:30 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
Re: RE:
...smashed his Mobile phone into the ground, causing the shikadi master #2 to be destroyed (?), therefore saving the snack industry for the time being.

Mark turned to his high school rival, and having another "stroke of genius" said:
"You can't have my...

____________________________________________
I would be witty, but I don't feel like impressing you.

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 268
(12/11/03 12:34 pm)
203.134.137.132
| Del
Re: RE:
..Cheetoes! Or my Neural Blaster, my Holden Commodore, my working for the local stockist of Skyr yoghurt that your dad is the board of directors of...

AND YOU ESPECIALLY CAN'T HAVE MY GIRL!"

Angered, Magnus Magnusson threw headphones with Björk's music playing. Without the power of Cheetoes, Mark was helpless to stop it...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 43
(12/11/03 10:26 pm)
65.34.59.53
| Del
Re: RE:
...from chirping.
"By the way, where are you headed Mark?" Magnus asked, changing the subject in suspicious manner.
"To, well, WHO WANTS TO KNOW???" Mark screamed.
"Jeez, I'm just trying to be helpful, you don't have to wet your pants over it. So, where are you going, maybe I could give you a ride."
"I have just got to find some Cheeto's for a power-up, then off to take on the Flatulent Baron. You think you could help, uh, I mean, It's been a long time since you stole my girlfriend and all. Friends?" Questioned Mark with uncertainty.
"Friends." replied Magnus. "By the way, there are some spare Cheeto's that I always keep in the glove department, you are welcome to indulge in them."
Mark made his way to the passenger side, and hopped in the car. He began to open the glove department, and out leaped an enormous...

____________________________________________
I would be witty, but I don't feel like impressing you.

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 98
(12/13/03 1:12 am)
171.75.220.4
| Del
Re:
...glove! Flying at his face it....

Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 896
(12/13/03 1:35 am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
Re: Re:
blasted deadly cheeto juice at him, melting the headrest with it's orange deadliness. If Mark hadn't ducked, he would have been a goner. Mark grabbed the glove and put it on his hand. "I NOW HAVE THE POWER OF CHEETO JUICE!" he screamed crazily, and aimed it at MAGNUS. "very well" replied Mangus, but I must warn you, I have powers of my own..."
Mangus put on a rubber glove and gave Marc a high five, and suddenly..."

Official Keenbound Site
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CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 101
(12/13/03 2:21 am)
203.220.175.164
| Del
esreveR
...they realised they were driving in reverse. In fact, now that he thought about it, Magnus noticed they'd been doing so for the past fifteen minutes, ever since he thought he'd seen a green cow hitchhiking along the side of the road and decided he wanted to pick it up. It turned out it was a green wheelie bin, but they had loaded it into the back seat anyway.

As Magnus returned the car to a forward momentum, Mark turned to him and asked, "Can we please get rid of that damn bin? It's really starting to make me hungry."

Annoyed at this remark, Magnus took off his glove, threw it at Mark and complained, "...

>Commander Spleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"The irritating notion that the beholder should complete through his imagination what the artist left undone is refuted by the sumi paintings, so fond of incomplete objects. Try to complete the rocks whose base is lost in the mist or to populate the "empty" spaces with more rocks or woods, and you will find that your clumsy moves destroy the delicate balance and thus the meaning."
-Rudolf Arnheim, Parables of Sun Light

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 49
(12/14/03 5:52 am)
65.34.59.53
| Del
topple down the tunnel
"...Let's cut the crap, Mark. We both know what this is really about. I think you stole my girlfriend , but you believe that she was already yours. Let's just go and ask her who her true love really is."
"Sounds like a plan to me" Mark replied, challengingly.
So Mark and Magnus started driving (unknowingly still in reverse) toward Newfoundland, where the legendary beauty of their high school resides.
Suddenly, when they were only 25 miles away from her house, the pavement of the road in front of them started to melt and it formed a whirlpool. Magnus and Mark tried to stop; however the car was speeding too fast. The car was caught in the whirlpool, and they plummeted down a tunnel, only to find themselves in...

____________________________________________
I would be witty, but I don't feel like impressing you.

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 100
(12/15/03 1:09 am)
171.75.220.21
| Del
Re:
...Newfoundland! As they were now far ahead of schedule, they decided they had time for a quick stop at the most popular fast food joint in the whole southeastern section of the city. As they pulled into the drive through, a voice floated out of a box beside the car. It said, "....

Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 903
(12/15/03 2:45 am)
24.187.190.18
| Del
Re: Re:
"VELCOME DO DE CHEETO HUT! MAY I DAKE VOUR ORGER?"
"I'll have a large side of deep fried cheetos" said Mark, surprised to hear a german accent in a primarily italian community. "I'll take the extra spicy cheeto surprise with extra tartar sauce." Grumbled Magnus in a bored voice. As they drove up to the booth, Mark pondered the bizzarely familiar german voice. "ere is vour orger gentlemen."
Mark looked up to see the familiar face of the Baron leering down at him. "AAAAH! IT'S HIM!" screamed Marc. Magnus grabbed the food and floored the reverse petal, smashing into...

Official Keenbound Site
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Crazy Dude
Vortininja
Posts: 192
(12/15/03 4:02 pm)
207.54.102.45
| Del
Re:
...a huge pile of horse manure. "Ewww." Mark pinched his nose from the smell. However, the Baron was running after the idle car. "Hurry! We've got to get out of here!" Magnus tried to ease the car out but it would not budge. "What do we do?!" Mark screamed like a little girl. Then, all of a sudden...

RoboRed 
Shikadi Security Guard
Posts: 396
(1/3/04 11:53 pm)
63.224.171.145
| Del
Re: Re:
...a Vorticon dropship appeared and landed right in front of the car! As it opened, a squad of Vorticon Elites walked out, armed with hyper pistols and 2 vorticon railguns. As they aimed at Magnus, he rapidly searched his mind about what to do next. Suddenly, it hit him. He would...

*RoBoReD*

Over and out.




<---I like the sleeping slug.

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 119
(1/4/04 1:04 am)
203.220.174.200
| Del
It lives! IT LIIIVES!
...dematerialise himself into a ball of light, head for the nearest general store, purchase excessive amounts of confectionary and paper towel, and return before anybody even noticed he was gone.

This didn't quite solve the problem at hand. Nonetheless, he found a way to improvise.

"GO THAT WAY!" he called out to Mark, who heeded his call and attempted to climb out the roof.

"It won't work. There's a roof in the way," Mark objected.

"Well... well... then that--" just then a loud 'Zzzzaapp!" reverberated through the car, just as...

>CommanderSpleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"When will power and the imagination are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always without exception the imagination that wins. When the imagination and will power are harmoniously pulling in the same direction, irresistible force is the result."
- Emile Coue

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

Edited by: CommanderSpleen at: 1/4/04 1:10 am
RoboRed 
Shikadi Security Guard
Posts: 400
(1/4/04 2:04 am)
63.224.171.145
| Del
Re: It lives! IT LIIIVES!
...the Vorticn Elites opened fire! People nearby started panicking and running in every which direction. The leader of the squad saw their fearful faces and ceased fire. He opened his mouth and calmly spoke. Since the leader was speaking in Vorticon, Mark could not understand him. Hid did, however, realize one thing, he was demanding something. But what?...

*RoBoReD*

Over and out.




<---I like the sleeping slug.

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 115
(1/4/04 3:39 am)
67.75.176.132
| Del
Re:
Drawing on all that he had learned from his adventures, Mark decided they must want some sort of snack food.

AKeenCommander
Vortininja
Posts: 50
(1/5/04 3:41 am)
65.34.58.7
| Del
SNACKFOODS
Suddenly out of the vorticon spaceship walked thier highschool girlfriend, with a bag of cheetos.

"Only one of you may leave with the cheetos, and the girl!" Shouted a vorticon ninja into a microphone. Music came on and video cameras rolled up. "Now it's time to play 'Who do ya' choose?'" !

It seemed as though Mark and Mangus were on a vorticon reality or game show. They both looked at eachother very confused. The girl with cheetos said: "I just can't..."

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 283
(1/7/04 12:09 am)
203.134.137.76
| Del
Chill out Mark!
Their highschool girlfriend, now a vet, was saying, "Hands off you alien jerks!"
"OOOOHH, a feisty one, huh? Well, who do ya choose!?"
"Ah can't decide...too much pressure...besides, Ah'm over both of them now! Ah have a fiance!" she shouted, pointing to her engagement ring. "He's going to be looking for lil' ol me!"
Mark shouted, "Take me instead!"
"OK then," the Vorticon Ninja shouted with a wicked glee. "Give the girl back to the whale eater here," pointing at Magnus. "We'll let Mark go in Iceland - in the buff! As for Magnus, he's going to go to Waikiki, in Hawaii..."

Mark had another Tourette's outburst, as he was dragged off naked into the village of Isafjordhur, on the north-west coast of Iceland...
"I hope you can take the cold, Mark! Whod've thought - me go to your birthplace, and you go to my birthplace!"

As Mark was let go in Isafjordhur, he was more confused and angry than ever. Sure, Cheetoes were there in Iceland, but they were uber-expensive. Mark...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

lemur821
Vortininja
Posts: 120
(1/9/04 1:33 am)
67.30.64.150
| Del
Re
began to tear up. He thought about....

note from xtraverse - you can edit your post :p

Edited by: Xtraverse  at: 1/9/04 2:25 am
keen online 
Vortininja
Posts: 212
(1/9/04 9:51 am)
62.171.194.41
| Del
Re: Re
THE ULTIMATE CHEETO, he knew it was only a legend, but if the legend was true it would give its possessor the power to control time, with only a slight after taste. Legend has it that the ultimate cheeto was made from three rocks that broke away from the moon, one rock came down before the turn of the century, the second, during the turn of the century and the third, after the turn of the century. The cheeto was so powerful that it is said that its maker couldn't control its power, either that or he was allergic to dairy products.

Suddenly Mark tripped over...

Keen says: Visit keen online for all you keen needs.

Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 955
(1/9/04 10:21 pm)
24.187.190.18
| Del
Re: Chain story
a huge orange crescent shaped rock. Mark looked back, and stared at the massive cheeto. "IT'S THE ULTIMATE CHEETO!" Mark bit down hard, and reeled back as he chipped a tooth. "MAN that thing's stale!" he grumbled, and reached for the...

Official Keenbound Site
Visit #dosgamers on irc.mircx.com!

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 122
(1/10/04 2:18 am)
203.220.175.143
| Del
Loud. Unruly. Chainsaw.
...the stars, screaming, "Why do you taunt me so!?" Sighing, he slipped the huge crescent shaped rock into his back pocket and returned to the situation at hand.

"Now what?" he asked himself.

"Now you continue your quest for THE ULTIMATE CHEETO," a voice replied.

"Oh, great. I've gotta stop going on these wacky adventures. Now I'm hearing voices."

Just then a hand fell on his shoulder. Reeling around, and emitting a loud, whirring scream, he found himself being slapped stupid.

"Shut up! Shut up! Stop screaming!" screamed the stranger.

Mark...

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"When will power and the imagination are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always without exception the imagination that wins. When the imagination and will power are harmoniously pulling in the same direction, irresistible force is the result."
- Emile Coue

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

keen online 
Vortininja
Posts: 215
(1/10/04 11:21 am)
82.32.48.251
| Del
Re: Chain story
...I am your father...

Keen says: Visit keen online for all you keen needs.

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 286
(1/12/04 1:10 am)
203.134.137.169
| Del
Re: Loud. Unruly. Chainsaw.
The voice was coming from inside a house. Mark knocked on the door, and it was a middle-aged man, with greasy Cheetoes in his beard.

"Mark, it's me, your daddy!"
"Pffft, yeah right, how can an Icelander be my father!?"
"I'm no Icelander," the old man said, in a bad Californian accent. "How I ended up here was different: that fatso known as the Fat Baron put me here after I had gone out to the bar to get some Cheetoes and some beer. Alcohol is expensive out here, and so are the Cheetoes!"
"Yeah, tell me about it," Mark said, who nearly collapsed of hypothermia from standing outside naked.
"Come in and get some clothes," his father said, as Mark walked in, invited by a friendly gesture...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

Edited by: NephariteofIlian at: 1/13/04 8:35 pm
Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 981
(1/13/04 8:41 pm)
24.187.190.18
| Del
Re: Chain story
As soon as he entered, the room, he sensed that something was wrong. There were an excess of empty beer cans, but no cheetos in sight. "Dad?" Inquired Mark in a confused voice. The man ripped off his rubber mask to reveal himself as none other than...

Official Keenbound Site
Visit #dosgamers on irc.mircx.com!

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 297
(1/14/04 8:37 am)
202.138.30.84
| Del
Re: Loud. Unruly. Chainsaw.
...a guy in a beret who smelt like escargot.

"I have you now, zat is for sure, ja?" said the guy in the beret.
Mark said, "Warum bist du in Island?" (Why are you in Iceland?)
"Ich bin ein Arbeiter fur die Dick Junker!" (I am a worker for the Fat Baron!)

Mark started having a Tourette's outburst, when he was netted...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

Edited by: NephariteofIlian at: 1/24/04 8:20 am
Keeniver
Grunt
Posts: 26
(1/24/04 11:15 pm)
207.179.107.93
| Del
Re: Chain story
... by malevolent green squid-creatures. He barely even struggled as they dragged him down to their secret lair.
"We will take you to our leader," they proclaimed. "But first, you must pass the 'Test of the Fish'. Never mind that you're not a fish."
They led him into another room (after giving him some breathing gear), and there he saw...

LevelLord00
Meep
Posts: 1
(2/21/04 10:12 am)
219.88.58.104
| Del
Re total insanity
...a giant pink antelope.

After dispatching the creature with his air tank, Mark quickly realised that he had no air. After drowning Mark woke up and saw...

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 331
(3/8/04 10:43 am)
203.134.137.81
| Del
Re: Chain story
...of all people, Magnus!?

"What are you doing here, you whale-eating git?" Mark shouted in anger.
"Whale-eating?"
"Ah, forget it," Mark said. "Let's get back Stateside, there we can fight the Fat Baron!"
"That's what I was here to tell you about - the Fat Baron is planning to take over the world!"
"With what?"
"Well, all I know is that my Björk albums were stolen by a man wearing lederhosen - one of the Fat Baron's men...I believe he is going to use them to take over the world!"

Suddenly, the song 'It's All So Quiet' broke out. Most people covered their ears, but Magnus was humming and singing. Mark turned to notice...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

Edited by: NephariteofIlian at: 3/23/04 11:18 am
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 58
(3/26/04 10:18 pm)
207.179.107.90
| Del
Re: Re total insanity
... a dark and evil presence lurking in the doorway. It held up a record album, grinned evilly, and vanished in a puff of unwholesome smoke.
He coughed, and was blinded momentarily by all of the smoke. When he finally managed to see again, he noticed that the whole room had changed, and the person standing in front of him now looked like ...

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 234
(3/27/04 12:22 am)
203.221.145.3
| Del
Based On A [Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
...she needed a facelift, stat! Calling upon skills he learned many years ago when he sleep-walked into a salon, he set about locating a hammer and an ice pick.

"Does anyone have an eski?" he called out. The only response was a lone cricket chirping in the corner of the room, and even that sounded rather eerie. "Well, how about a bucket?"

By now, his hapless subject had vanished into the darkness beyond the doorway. In her stead now stood a leprechaun, singing the You've Got No Eski Song.

No eski do you have.
Do you have eski? No.
If you want an eski,
Talk to Ca--


Just then, the leprechaun died a hurried, overly dramatised death. Mark broke out into a coughing fit, while...

>Commander Spleen

P.S. You know a chain story's getting whacked out when ezBoard is advertising BrainTumor.Org at the top of the page.:confused

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"Keep thy heart (imagination) with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."
Proverbs 4:23

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

LevelLord00 
Vortininja
Posts: 242
(3/27/04 1:25 am)
219.88.58.34
| Del
Re: Re total insanity
...the solo from éat your veggies' played in the background. "Okay that does it!" said Mark. Pulling out a villian technologies (TM) C17 series atomizer, (c 2003) he rapidly reduced his surrounding and everyone in them to a small pile of ash.

Suddenly he felt the barrel of a vorticon rail gun pressed to his neck. "That was quite a good show " said...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 61
(3/27/04 8:47 pm)
207.179.107.90
| Del
Re: Based On A [Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
... somebody wearing a bright green hood pulled over their face. They sounded as if they were wearing a breathing appartus.
"But it is all up for you know." they squeezed the trigger, and ...

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 238
(3/28/04 1:20 am)
203.221.145.209
| Del
Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...Mark was launched forwards onto the floor. Apart from a stabbing pain in his neck and the usual self-induced broken ankle, he felt fine.

Climbing to his feet, Mark reached around the back of his neck and pulled something out--a novelty "BANG!" flag.

"Psyche!" called the stranger from behind him, now stepping into the light. "Ow! Dammit! My eyes!"

Mark turned around to see, of all people...

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"Keep thy heart (imagination) with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."
Proverbs 4:23

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

LevelLord00 
Vortininja
Posts: 254
(3/28/04 9:56 am)
219.88.57.214
| Del
Re: Based On A [Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
Mortimer Mcmire...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 339
(4/4/04 6:13 am)
203.134.137.199
| Del
Re: Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
"YOU'RE REALLY MORTIMER MCMIRE!?!?!" Mark shouted.
"Yup, mental wimp," Mortimer said, in a girly voice.
"Hmmm...I didn't know that about you..." Mark said, putting his back to the wall. "Obviously you're not the real Mortimer McMire," Mark said, ripping off the helmet, revealing it was attached to a mask. It was...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 335
(4/4/04 10:24 am)
219.89.1.50
| Del
Re: Based On A [Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
Molly Mcmire!...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 341
(4/5/04 2:29 am)
203.134.137.111
| Del
Re: Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...however, this Molly McMire looked different. She was older than the real Molly McMire, about 27. She was dressed in a black catsuit with the white logo "CTB" inside an hourglass logo. The motto was "Tempus Fugit".
"Actually, I'm not Molly McMire, I'm Stephanie Muller, Chronological Travel Bureau. How would you like to travel forward in time..." the Molly look-alike said. "I was chosen since you are the biggest fan of Commander Keen..."
"You're going to send me forward in time!?" Mark jumped and clapped his hands in delight.
"Well, let's go!" Stephanie said, bustling Mark into a DeLorean. Co-ordinates set for the 22nd Century.

When they went through the time tunnel, they emerged into a future city. The cops, on hoverbikes, started chasing the DeLorean...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 346
(4/5/04 10:28 am)
210.86.45.232
| Del
Re: Based On A [Completely Un]True Story. ANKLE!
...for exceeding the speed limit. A few expensive tickets later, Stephanie Muller said to Mark "Actually, the real reason I brought you here is to stop this."

Mark looked at the Id software building in total horror, 'No,' he said. 'The final Commander Keen episode can't be called...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 351
(4/13/04 10:02 am)
203.134.137.235
| Del
Re: Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
"Commander Keen IX: Vince McMahon's Great Game!!!"

Mark later learnt from a newspaper (more of a news-web page), with this title: BODY SLAM ON ID

"Vince McMahon III has taken over iD Software, especially its new label, Commander Keen, in order to fight profit downturns. The game has been re-made into a wrestling game. The Society Against Schlock are demanding an end to McMahon's corporation, the WWWE, the last vestige of the Age of Schlock, that infamous time of cultural degradation in the late 20th and much of the 21st Century." It went on to describe information about the corporate takeover.

Another headline grabbed attention on Page 3. "The Björk Guðmundsdóttir Centre has opened in down-town Newport City..."

Mark reacted...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 275
(4/13/04 3:30 pm)
203.220.174.102
| Del
Hmm... it's raining again.
...violently, shoving pieces of lint from his pocket up his nose and demanding Stephanie take him to the nearest Cheetos outlet.

"Cheetos? What's a Cheeto?"

Mark was beyond dumbfounded. In fact, not even the 22nd century had (woah... tense gets tripped out in time travel stories...:stunned ) a word for Mark's reaction. One could almost see his frontal lobe peeling back and spilling out his ears, followed by his liver, kidneys and spleen. Of course, one would have to be watching very closely.

"I need to sit down for a minute," Mark said absently, opening the door of the DeLorean.

"What are you doing!?" shouted Stephanie.

Mark...

>Commander Spleen

>Commander Spleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"If a sign reads "You Are Here" and nobody's around to read it, is it lying?"
- You

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 353
(4/15/04 8:42 am)
202.138.30.85
| Del
Re: Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...started having a Tourettes outburst. "AAARGGH...GREEEAK...YOU [intercourse] [female dog]!"
Stephanie exclaimed, "Oh my, that's no way to behave," and injected something into Mark using a hypospray. He immediately calmed down.

"I've got to find out what happened to the Cheetoes!" Mark yelled.
"Excuse me? But, pray tell, what is a cheeto?" Stephanie answered.
"It's a little round snack. Tastes like cheese, only a bit more artificially tasty."
"Artificial?"
"Never mind," Mark said, "get me to the library of history! I reckon the Fat Baron has something to do with the loss of all Cheetoes!"

Mark found out...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 529
(4/15/04 9:08 am)
219.88.58.52
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
...that all cheetos had been destroyed by Komandant Milt a.k.a CommanderSpleen the third in 2022. "This madman must be stopped!" said Mark "Or has been stopped, or hasn't?"

Acting quickly Mark auctioned off his liver and travelled to 2022. Imagine his shock when, apon leaving the time machine he came face to face with...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 355
(4/15/04 12:53 pm)
203.134.137.118
| Del
Re: Neeehehehehehehahahahahahaaa... haerr.. rendsaesnntt!
...the cast and crew of Velocity Crime, that was noted in Stephanie's history book as this:

"Velocity Crime was a show that was at its peak during the 2020s, 2030s, but whose cancellation in the mid 2050s soon after the Bio-Plagues led to the events that ended the Age of Schlock. The objective of the show was to commit misdemeanours, thefts, burglaries and arson as fast as possible, with losing contestants being turned into the police for a swift execution - it was not unknown for other contestants to be killed as well. Often, the film ended with a spectacular car-chase, and cars with guns strapped on reminiscient of post-apocalyptic fiction were often used in the car chase scenes. In the latter periods, when food was scarce and deaths were numerous, even murder was permitted. It was invented by the People's Republic of China as a method of population control and entertainment, but spread to other countries with population problems. Apparently, a man by the name of Kommadant Milt, as his debuting crime, he destroyed all of a type of round, artificial snack. Some theorise that the presence of these snacks could have saved billions from starvation during the World Famine Crisis, where even Western countries starved. He was led on to perform numerous arson attacks which killed dozens. Overall, during Kommadant Milt's career, his total kill ratio was 3,250 people. Overall, Velocity Crime was the most schlocky show ever, as well as being grossly immoral," the history book quoted.

So, Mark knew he really had to stop Kommadant Milt from destroying all the Cheetoes and to save these people! Mark...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 752
(5/10/04 12:27 pm)
219.89.1.93
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
jumped into his transdimensional waping device and wapped to the PCKF dimension. Apon arrival Mark found himself in front of two large buildings. One was a gigantic spleen, golden in hue and glorious to behold despite the many aeons of dust and neglect covering it. The other was a giant milt, dark and forebodeing, a slick oily black, surrounded by dark clouds and evil.

"Hey!"

Mark turned and saw, Commander...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

CommanderSpleen 
Vortininja
Posts: 327
(5/10/04 2:01 pm)
203.221.144.209
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
...Spleen, recognisable by the $5 op-shop suit jacket and a constant muttering of almost obscene jibberish, hanging upside down from an overhanging tree branch above, typing furiously before what must have been a 62" screen embedded upside down into a clifface about five metres away.

From here, Mark could see the PCKF in all its semi-holographic glory. Spleen was apparently typing a message: "Re: Hmm... it's raining again."

"Hey, Spleen!" Mark shouted. He noticed a gnarled figure, disturbingly reminiscent of Princess Lindsey, near the foot of the cliff, curled up into a ball, rocking and muttering, "They can't limit me... show them all... not a spammer..."

Commander Spleen hadn't responded. The mutterings grew louder and more frequent. The typing became more furious as the moments passed until all that could be heard was a low drone of intermingled clicking sounds projecting from the keyboard.

Mark walked over to the Princess Lindsey replica, reached an arm onto her shoulder and said, "LevelLord?"

"Aiieeeeeee!" she wailed. Mark stepped back suddenly, only to be startled by a strangely familiar voice behind him.

"Garg it! What are you doing to LevelLord?" Mark spun around, only to see staring back at him... :)

"KeenRush!?" Mark...

>CommanderSpleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"The universe truly seems to be set up as a platform for the actualization of our deepest and most heartfelt aspirations. It is a dynamic system propelled by nothing less than the constant flow of small miracles. But there is a catch. The universe is built to respond to our consciousness, but it will give back to us only the level of quality we put in."
- James Redfield: The Celestine Vision

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 77
(5/10/04 7:17 pm)
207.179.107.90
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
... started to back away, wondering what he had gotten himself into now. The ground opened up behind him, and he plummeted for several feet before falling onto a metal-plated surface.
At first he couldn't see anything because it was so dark, but when his eyes adjusted, he saw a black circle of ...

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 757
(5/11/04 11:50 am)
210.86.45.252
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
...shadowy figures. Levellord stood up from where she had fallen. Mark gasped, the former buety queen now stodd hunched before him, haggard and disheveled, thin as a rake and ugly as a boboons rear. Her usual torrent of loud mothed comentary had been reduced to a mindles babbling.

"We got the boy for you master! We was good we was. We went up to the light to gets him. He'll destroy Milt won't he master?"The tallest figure spoke: "Indeed Level. Here's your reward." The figure tossed a small glowing square with the letters 're' on it into a corner. Levellord scuttled after it mumbling joyfully. Mark recognised the object as a post.

The figures all moved forward. Mark could see that they were all horibbly disfigured, and each bore the number 8 on their foreheads. Mark gasped. "Unfleexable?" The former Spam lord stood before him, seven feet of solid alien, his arthropodic skin gleaming in the dim light, he was an impressive sight to behold despite the Djaser scars covering his face. Fleex spoke: "Ah Mark, I wondered when you'd get here. I see you've met the Post Lord KeenRush, and Milt's mind slave Spleen. We seem to both be after the same goal here Mark. I'll be brief, you kill KeenRush, I'll kill Milt. Any questions?" "Yeah," said Mark. "Just one...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 5873
(5/11/04 2:17 pm)
212.246.17.130
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
[..sorry, can't continue, but gotta say there's some interesting twists on the story, go on..]

It's the mind-belt....

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 371
(5/14/04 9:43 am)
203.134.137.186
| Del
Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
...thing. You must face he who has suffered a worse fate than the 8-Post Limit Curse..."

Mark got sucked into a vortex, into the Hotel Dimension. Wandering through the halls, he then noticed a room entitled "Social Room". A little voice told Mark he may find Keenrush there.

Opening the door, there was a room with a pooltable, doors and a TV.

"So...where the heck is Keenrush?" Mark shouted.
"Please...stay away..." an Australian-accented, but slightly British-sounding, voice said.
"Who's that!?"

From a corner emerged a dazed, confused young man. His once brilliant blue-green eyes had been dulled, his once healthy skin turned a pallor. He was wearing homeboyish clothing, but something was tucked away.

"Please, keep away!" the boy shouted.
"Who are you?" Mark shouted.
"Ah, bloody hell, not so [censored] loud!" the boy shouted. "Just, stay away! Unless you want to suffer the curse..."
"What curse?" Mark inquired.
"THE CURSE! I am NephariteofIlian, but now I am no ordinary man, I was cursed to transform, when I don't drink enough Pepsi into something else..."
"What?"
"I am a Were-Björk," the boy said.
"A were-what?" Mark shouted.

Suddenly, the boy crouched in pain. "THIS IS THE EVIDENCE!!!" he shouted, revealing a closet filled with weird clothing - of the sort that a certain female Icelandic singer would wear. "I haven't drunk a Pepsi in days! Now look what is happening! Milt did this to me! Don't let him do it to you!"

Crouching in pain, NephariteofIlian slowly morphed and changed into an elfin female, black-haired and of a distinct appearance, not especially attractive, but of a distinct charm. "Please...save me...destroy Milt..." His voice was cut off, the Australian twang submerged by a half-Scandinavian, half-Cockney feminine voice. He - or rather the Were-Björk he had now become, said...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

Edited by: NephariteofIlian at: 5/15/04 6:11 am
LevelLord00 
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(5/16/04 9:03 am)
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
...Woot! 'Re' tag! geben geben geben ! Mark watched him/her/it run off with disdain [that disdain, always running off with someone.]

Mark climbed out of the sunken pit with caution. Spleen was still there, muttering incoherently, maybe he could be of help. "Hey Spleen!" Mark yelled, "I need to defeat KeenRush, can you help me?" Spleen bounded over, "I like pie!" he exclaimed. "Oh yeah," said Mark "the mindslave thing." Having picked up a candidate for the insane asylum, Mark Marched of to destroy KeenRuh. He wasn't hard to find, the large grey dome with the capital 'K' on top was a dead giveaway, as were the rotting bodies of fallen spammers [and a few trolls] lying along the path.

Mark entered. "So you're the pitiful fool Fleex sent? Ha! Eat poll vermin!" Mark dodged as dozzens of poles flew towards him, embedding themselves into the ground. Spleen wasn't so lucky, one impaled him into the wall. "Dying tickles!" he gasped.

"Noooooo!" yelled Mark. Filled with rage and bile Marks' common sense deserted him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his most powerful wepon, something he had decided against using up until now no matter what. Something so destructive it could destroy all of existence.

Something more powerful than his Villian Technologies plasma cannon.

Something more dangerous than a charging Fleex.

Something more awesome than a really awesome thing.

* Gasp * choked KeenRush. "Not the...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 5937
(5/16/04 3:10 pm)
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
"He wasn't hard to find, the large grey dome with the capital 'K' on top was a dead giveaway, as were the rotting bodies of fallen spammers [and a few trolls] lying along the path." :D



..Universe-o-Toaster!"

"Yes it is, stright from the private dash of Mortimer McMire!" Mark replied, his voice getting a creepy tune. Soon he started laughing.

"Um.. What?" KeenRush clumsily replied.

"That's right mister 314. 'Cause you have 'Keen' in your name, you must be Commander Keen. You really thought that stupid name change would help you to hide?"

"But.. But.."

"Don't play with me punk, I know all about you. Molly probably didn't told you ever who she was dating.."

"Um, excuse me sir, in case you haven't read the official Keen stories, Keen is 8 years old, or was at least was in 1990. I'm 16 and 17 really soon and Keen's some years older than me and -- AARGh, nooo!!"
Mark had shot KeenRush with a stunner he had on his other pocket.

KeenRush knew there was nothing to do anymore. He felt his consciousness disappear. The last thing he managed to do before it went all black was to hit a big red button behind him. There read 'GARG RELEASE' in the button.

Mark heard...

It's the mind-belt....

NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 387
(5/17/04 7:03 am)
203.134.137.138
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
Björk's singing 'Hunter'. Apparently, it had a bad effect on the Gargs, causing them to scatter and run off rampaging through the PCKF dimension.

"Is that you Magnus, playing those Björk CDs?"
"Why no," said the Were-Björk. "A hearty Re-Tag to you," she said, still in a half-Scandinavian, half-Cockney accent.
"Is that you Neph?"
"Why yes, but in a much more beautiful and harmonious form!" she said. "Clank, bang, boom, you will hear my music!"
"NephariteofIlian, snap out of it!" Mark shouted, shaking the Were-Björk NephariteofIlian.

Suddenly, the Were-Björk did something totally unexpected - she kissed him on the lips (OOC: GARG, why am I, NephariteofIlian, kissing Mark? :garg :barf ) and then bit his forearm, infecting Mark with the Were-Björk curse.

"Well, my master, I have infected another one," said the Were-Björk NephariteofIlian, joyfully.
"Excellent," a voice boomed from the corner. "We have another servant of the Miltian Empire!"

Suddenly, Mark began to itch terribly, like a terrible case of jock itch. He felt his insides twisting, his bones crunching, like a growing pain but from his large frame shrinking, his body reassembling into the form of a were-Björk. He had another Tourette's outburst as...

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 810
(5/17/04 11:04 am)
210.86.45.235
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Re: Chain story
[Woot! what great copy! I gotta stop posting here, but you just keep giving me too many good ideas! :) ]


...dancing. The dance of death. He knew once he started he would dance to Bjork until his mind was completely taken over by it. Already an icelandic complexion was beggining to show on his arms. He could see ahead of him the leering figure of Kommandant Milt, along with the stangely attractive figure of NephariteofIlian\Bjork. He felt his willpower failing. There was only one thing he could do.

"Going for the ol' universe destroyer?" Milt mocked plucking it from Marks grasp. "Thankyou so much for bringing it to me." A shadow crossed Milts' face. He levitated off the floor. "Where Mort failed I will succeed! I will destroy the universe and shape it in my image! I will be God!" Mark choked, dozens more were-Bjorks had emerged from the shadows, all wailing to the inscesant music. "All that remains," boomed Milt "is to absorb my good side... Spleen!" Milt headded toward the struggling figure, tendrils of liver reaching out to engulf him.

Mark made the decision. "Hey Milt!" he spluttered. "The wepon I told 'Rush about was this!" Mark pulled out the infinite odd drive and powered it up.

"2:1 against and rising. " it intoned.

"That?" Milt screeched. "That pink chetoh like object?" [4:1 against] "You are going to stop me with snackfood?" [32:1 against] "When I rule the universe all will replace all chetohs with Bjork albums! Don't make me laugh!" [2048:1 against]

With these words he fired the Universe-o-Toaster. At that moment it did something very improbable, it didn't work. [2^50:1 against] "Eat probbability!" Mark yelled. The infinite odd drive was beeping faster now. [2^235:1 against] Strange things started to happen, KeenRush became a giant swordfish, Bjork sprouted pansies from its mouth, the floor exploded and the highest prime number stripped in front of Milt.

There was a terrible burst of noise and light The universe began splitting into a million improbbable directions. In desperation Mark pushed the off button.

There was a terrible burst of noise and light.

Mark awoke. He was still in KR's lair, but the terrible forces of probbability had worked their horrible course. The walls were festooned with carp, TUIT had been produced as a Mario fangame, Spleen had two purple heads. Mark looked at himself and saw with horror that he had been transformed into...

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

NephariteofIlian
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(5/17/04 11:34 am)
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
...a cane toad! Mark had been transformed into a cane toad, and stood by as a helpless observer. Kommissar Milt was laughing at his handiwork, revealing his true form - a darkly handsome French-looking angel with black-feathered wings.

"Ah, so zee handywork is complete, non?" Kommissar Milt said in his French accent. He glared and stared at his new creation, the Were-Björk NephariteofIlian. "And our zorn in our side has been turned into zee least of creatures - zee cane toad."
"No, I will be the ruler of this realm!" Were-Björk NephariteofIlian declared. She thrust a bolt of dark energy into Kommissar Milt's side, and he dissolved. However, the force of the explosion caused the scene to change - the PCKF forum reverted to normal.

"So, little Mark," Were-Björk NephariteofIlian said to the little cane-toad Mark. "You will be restored to your original form." She concentrated, singing a magic song in Old Norse, and he was reverted to normal. Mark was his normal self, and the PCKF forum was restored to its normal self.

"What!?" Were-Björk NephariteofIlian shouted. "What happened to all the Were-Björks?" she shouted.

Then, someone showed up - it was the real Björk, with a can of Pepsi in her hand. Hustling a group of bouncers, she forced the Pepsi down the Were-Björk's throat, and it reverted back to NephariteofIlian's normal self.

"Wha...how did I get here..." NephariteofIlian, now his normal self, said. "This is all a weird dream, right?"
Björk screeched at NephariteofIlian, "MAKE SURE YOU DRINK A PEPSI, ONE A DAY, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! I CAN'T AFFORD TO HAVE THIS SPECTACLE RUIN ME!"
NephariteofIlian said, "Will do."

"Unfortunately," a booming voice said. "Both you and NephariteofIlian are stuck with the Curse, and there is nothing I can do about it. I have already expended my power curing the other Were-Björks - besides, I think it should be a lesson in humility for Neph, and also an essential for you, Mark - for though you have the Curse of Were-Björkism, you can control yours."
"Who's that?" Mark questioned.

It was Spleen's shade, a resplendent, golden hue. "The damage will heal in time. Make sure that NephariteofIlian gets his Pepsi - I cannot be held accountable for any damage if that Were-Björk identity gets out again. In the meanwhile, I will go to Sindri, the Hall of Rewarded Posters, and reside in the company of such great minds as A.R. However, as for Milt, he will reside forever in the halls of Nastrond, the Hall of Dark Posting, where he will be tortured by poison dripping from serpents, and the insistent playing of ABBA music."
Mark said, "Sounds right to me."
"NephariteofIlian will go back to the real world to recuperate, and as for Levellord, I have removed her 8-Post Limit Curse."

Levellord was restored to her Princess Lindsey-like glory, and Mark spent many happy years back in his birthplace of Waikiki, eating Cheetoes and drinking Pepsi.

But what if, one day, NephariteofIlian were to miss a dose of Pepsi?

The end...or is it?

Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles

"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."

Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"

Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple

LevelLord00 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 816
(5/17/04 11:58 am)
210.86.45.235
| Del
Re: Chain story
Now thats an ending! :eek

"No one should be here" -Level Lord

KeenRush 
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 5954
(5/17/04 12:41 pm)
212.246.17.130
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
Haha, the end. :)

It's the mind-belt....

CommanderSpleen 
Vortininja
Posts: 340
(5/18/04 12:15 am)
210.15.242.68
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
:lol

Now that was amusing.

Now what?

Hmm... it's raining again.

*sets about compiling story*

EDIT

Here it is, in all it's Green and Gold glory!

PCKB Chain Story: Hmm... It's Raining Again

I made some (read: sh*tloads of) spelling and grammatical errors, and rearranged the paragraph layouts and so forth. If there are any further errors or if there's something I missed, point it out, preferably with blatant sarcasm.

>Commander Spleen

ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö

"The universe truly seems to be set up as a platform for the actualization of our deepest and most heartfelt aspirations. It is a dynamic system propelled by nothing less than the constant flow of small miracles. But there is a catch. The universe is built to respond to our consciousness, but it will give back to us only the level of quality we put in."
- James Redfield: The Celestine Vision

JimSoft Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/

Edited by: CommanderSpleen  at: 5/18/04 1:25 am
Snaily
Messie
Posts: 1009
(5/19/04 6:31 am)
213.65.97.229
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Re: Hmm... it's raining again.
Ended. Not that I've bothered to read it, but feel free to continue in the other topic.

________

¨@_

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