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NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 392
(5/18/04 10:42 pm)
202.138.30.88
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Chain Story
II...
Well, looks like we need a new Chain Story. Let's set the ball
rolling!
HMMM...IT'S RAINING YET AGAIN
Mark was
getting bored. Ever since the victory over Kommadant Milt, life was
boring. He needed adventure. So, he went to the airport and got a
ticket for a holiday in Australia, going surfing on the Gold
Coast.
When he arrived, however, a desperate guard said to
Mark, "Quick, something terrible's happened...NephariteofIlian has
been kidnapped by..."
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 5/18/04 11:25 pm
|
KeenRush
Photachyon
Transceiver
Posts: 5972
(5/19/04
9:23 am)
212.246.17.130
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Re: Chain Story
II...
[Haha, here we go again! By the way, have you seen Spleen compiled
the last story into single page?
Good job!]
..Black Helmets!"
"Black wha?"
"The
Black Helmets, don't you boy follow the news? Every Australian
newspaper has been telling about them since the Opera House
Meeting!"
"Opera House wha?"
"Garged, can't you understand
anything punk!" 
The sound was very familiar. Oh no, Mark
though..
"KeenRush..?"
"Yes.." 
The guard took of his big Italian-style moustache.
"But.. I
though you became a giant swordfish!!"
"Yah?" 
"How you can be here as some guard if you're a giant
swordfish!?"
"Yah?"
"That just can't b...." *interrupted*
"Well, it's a long
story and I can't understand it. Let's just say shortly that 'they'
rehumanized me. Dunno is that good.."
Then he continued to
explain Mark what they must do. Mark listened and when KeenRush had
fallen asleep (it took 17 hours to explain), Mark yelled:
"So,
you mean we must first....
It's the mind-belt.... |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 393
(5/19/04 1:07 pm)
203.134.137.244
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Re: Chain Story
II...
...if this is what I think it is, no, I can't ally with
HIM!"
"I'm sorry," Keenrush told, "but the only one who knows
more about the Black Helmets than anyone else is the Fat
Baron!
"Yeah, but last time he stole all my Cheetos!" Mark
complained. "And what if he's really in league with the Black
Helmets?"
"I don't think so," Keenrush answered. "If you want
more info on the Black Helmets, read this..." he said, handing Mark
a copy of the Herald Sun.
"The Black Helmets are a strange
group, partly a cult, that is recently into kidnapping and
extortion. Apparently, their aim is to find a weapon powerful enough
to destroy all the world's supply of Cheetoes. John Howard commented
that the presence of the Black Helmets was not a real threat, since
so far they had little, if any, of a political agenda, so they would
be penalised as criminals."
Mark...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 5/20/04 5:19 am
|
Yowza
Vortininja
Posts: 290
(5/20/04 8:41 am)
220.244.224.10
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Re: Chain Story
II...
... snatched a packet of Cheetos from the hands of a passerby, and
continued reading. When Keenrush had fallen asleep again, he turned
to the comics page, only to find that there was none. Instead, there
was a picture of a giant black helmet.
"Ok, NOW I'm pissed!"
he shouted, "NO ONE gets away with depriving me of my daily comic
fix!"
KeenRush woke up again with all the shouting, and...
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 831
(5/22/04 1:16
pm)
219.89.1.18
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.htm) |
Re: Chain Story
II...
...rather promptly turned into a bowl of daffidils.
Mark
meanwhile was ruhing off to find the fat baron. Suddenly he ran
smack into an icelandic woman. "You must help me find my brother."
she said. "The black helmets have taken over my mothers' kingdom and
enslaved our people!" mark looked her over. She was rathere
Bjorkish, and indeed resembled the missing icelander.
"Just
who are you?" Mark quiered. "I am Neppy's sister, Sindri, please you
must help us." Neppy? thought Mark. Well there was no way he was
going to help him. Last time he caught Bjorkanthropy [WereBjorkisim]
"Forget it." he said. "I'm already dealing with fatso, I don't need
to waste time looking for some Bjorking twit." [Actually he was an
Idjut, not a Twytt.]
"If you won't help my brother, at least
help your's!" She shouted. Mark stood stupified. His
brother? Mortimer? Mark's expression hardened. Nobody messed with th
McMire family! He would travel to Sindi's home in Bjorkland and find
both their brothers.
"Watch out helmutts," Mark growled.
"Because...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 398
(5/23/04 12:54 am)
203.134.137.109
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Re: Chain Story
II...
"MARK MCMIRE IS IN TOWN!"
Sindra (note to LL and others -
Sindri is a male name, Sindra is the female variant) said,
"Excellent, I will provide you with the details, just come this
way..." she said, beckoning Mark onto a dark and scary
airplane.
The airplane had an acrid smell of something like
Garg sweat. The seats were filthy, and a voice shouted,
"Gotcha!"
Soon, large men wearing black robes with red
armbands, black helmets similar to the one where the comics page
should have been in the Herald Sun, stepped out, ambushed Mark, and
tied him to a chair.
"We tricked you," said a voice over the
PA. "Welcome to Black Helmet Air, flying all the way to our
headquarters in the Outback! As for your so-called
friend..."
One of the Black Helmets shoved the contents of a
Pepsi can down Sindra's throat. It was just then Mark noticed teeth
marks on her right forearm, similar to his own. She slowly
transformed back into...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 5/23/04 6:42 pm
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 844
(5/25/04 10:35
am)
219.88.57.179
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Re: Chain Story
II...
S[ Odd note. Bjork has a baby girl called Sindri. Maybe this was a
misprint?]
...Osama Wheelie Bin Overladen, the most feverent
anti icelandic terrorist in the world! "Now you will join the real
Sindra in our subteranean Barney dinosaur dugeon! gloated Osama.
Mark tensed, the torture would be painful, but if he could
hold out a few minutes he could use the secret wepon Commander
Spleen had given him. He could use the...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
grafix5000
Vortininja
Posts: 171
(5/25/04 3:48 pm)
81.7.53.160
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![]() |
Re: Chain Story
II...
...giant rubber Nerf-foam©®™ mallet, developed by Villain Labs and
refined by Spleen Inc. into the most
deadly weapon known to man.
"Uncheeto-ify this!" he cried, bringing it down over Overladen's
head. He
collapsed into a pile of old garbage, whereupon the
guards surrounded Mark and...
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 405
(5/25/04 11:01 pm)
203.134.137.97
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Re: Chain Story
II...
...said, "Who's this weirdo?" pointing to Osama.
"Hmmm...him?"
Mark said. "Oh, him, what's this?"
It was some kind of tiny
badge, with the letters 'FB' on it. Mark brang down the hammer over
Osama's head and killed him.
"Just so you know, Osama was
just a flunky! Here's a clue: the real perp is down
there!"
Suddenly, Mark was given the boot out of the plane as
it was flying over New Zealand...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 859
(5/28/04 12:11
am)
130.217.76.32
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Re: Chain Story
II...
...followed by 200 Australians. "This rivalry has gone on long
enough!" one shouted, "We will invade N.Z and rename it the land of
Oz!"
It was about then Mark realised the groung was only
about 100 feet away, and intent on getting closer. Thinking quickly
he...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 350
(5/28/04 12:41 am)
210.15.242.68
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Hark to the
narrf lapeerrr!! And then some! Nooooff!
...shouted back a comeback to an argument he had had with the Fat
Baron two years ago, "No, you are!" With that over and done with, he
then reached to activate his parachute, only to realise his had been
raplaced with a sixpack of VB.
"Only one thing to do here!"
He ripped apart the sixpack, sculled a couple of bottles and shouted
back at the Aussies above him, "Ay! Throw me a chute!"
After
shouting a few obscene remarks in response...
>Commander
Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"The universe truly
seems to be set up as a platform for the actualization of our
deepest and most heartfelt aspirations. It is a dynamic system
propelled by nothing less than the constant flow of small miracles.
But there is a catch. The universe is built to respond to our
consciousness, but it will give back to us only the level of quality
we put in."
- James Redfield: The Celestine Vision
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 409
(5/28/04 9:42 am)
203.134.137.211
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Re: Hark to the
narrf lapeerrr!! And then some! Nooooff!
...suddenly, a shadowy figure in black robes and wearing a golden
crown, riding atop a purple dragon-like beast, picked up Mark. The
Australians were then swept back to Australia by a sudden gust of
wind, swearing their heads off. NZ was, fortunately (or
unfortunately, depending on your perspective) saved for the time
being.
The purple dragon grasped Mark in its talons, and it
flew off east, continuing to an idyllic Pacific island. The dragon
dropped Mark off on the island, and then landed, with its master
ripping off an ornate iron helmet. Mark's saviour, to his shock, was
actually...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 870
(5/28/04 11:02
am)
219.88.57.120
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Re: Hark to the
narrf lapeerrr!! And then some! Nooooff!
...Sadamit Insane, leader of the unsuccessful suicide bombers
terrorist nation.
"You know, I'm supposed to be going to
Bjorkland" muttered Mark. "If this keeps up my brother can look
after himself!"
"Actually," Said Saddamit, "you are in
Bjorkland. It was moved here by the Fat Baron. And you know what?
Next he's going to drop New Zealand onto Australia, the resulting
war will distract the UN so we can launch our ultimate- crud! I said
too much didn't I?"
Mark didn't have time to reply, he hadn't
had a pepsi for two days...
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 412
(5/30/04 8:12 am)
202.138.30.75
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Re: Hark to the
narrf lapeerrr!! And then some! Nooooff!
...Mark felt his stomach twisting. First sign. "This is not good,"
Mark thought. "I feel like I am going to barf - wait - I'm not
normally this articulate!"
Sadamit gloated. "This is just
going to plan..."
[INTERMISSION]
Meanwhile, Levellord
was watching over her growing army of mutant kung-fu-practicing
sheep - attacking the world from her volcano base in the Republic of
Björkland was her new stratagem, and with her new weapon, she would
conquer the world. Her Princess Lindsey-like beauty was now
distorted, she wore a crown designed like a spider, and she stood in
a leather catsuit, with a pendant on the left side that was a symbol
- a kiwi bird with 'LL' instead of the red blotch there. A flag was
hung from the roof, sort of like a Nazi flag but with a kiwi
replacing the swastika, and no German cross.
A skittering
servant with a disfigured face, and with an '8' branded on its
forehead, uttered in a hissing, sycophantic tone. "My mistress, we
are now preparing our weapon - I think you should be pleasantly
surprised who it is..."
Up was hauled a cage with
NephariteofIlian in it. Badly deprived of Pepsi, he was already
starting to change - his tanned skin faded to an Icelandic pallor,
barely kept from changing completely, given just small droplets of
Pepsi. He was yelling defiantly, yet it was occassionally
interrupted (well, actually every 40 seconds) with singing a small
part of 'Human Behaviour', then returning to yelling defiantly.
Levellord muttered to herself in an ugly Kiwi accent, "Excellent,
this new weapon will provide for us the serum needed to infect the
leaders of the United Nation with the Were-Björk virus. Now to
control the world's supply of Pepsi..." She couldn't help then but
break out into an insane, irritating but altogether evil
laugh...
Flaose: OK, so BACK TO MARK ALREADY!
Me:
Anyway, back to Mark.
[/INTERMISSION]
Sadamit Insane
then said, "I am not the true evil here on this land - someone even
more warped and evil has taken over."
"Britney Spears?" Mark
asked.
"No," Sadamit answered.
"The Backstreet
Boys?"
"No."
"N*Sync? Helen Clark? Tony Blair? John
Howard?"
"No, no, no, and definitely no, although I believe the
latter one you mentioned - Joel Coward, was it - is co-operating
with the Black Helmets..."
"Well?" Mark said. "I'm beginning to
transform here!"
Sadamit then said, "OK then, but first, we
must..."
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 896
(5/30/04 10:13
am)
219.88.57.3
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Re:
Eeeeevil!
...*!
(This story will now split into three paralell parts,
you can continue one two or three parts depending on your
mood.)
[INTERMISSION]
Jhon Howard enterd the room,
taking his place next to Helen Clark amongst the assorted pop bands
and politicians. Britney Spears sat in a large leather padded pink
throne of doom in the rooms center.
"Your report
37?"
"Levellord is mobilising in Bjorkland, the Fat Baron is
leading a force against Denmark, our attack on N.Z was eliminated by
unknown forces."
"So, my sister thinks she can play with the
big girls huh? I think its time to call in a favour."
"Favour
mistress?"
"Yes, we have her boyfriend in our pocket, get
Unfleex to deal with her, I'll finnish her off."
"The
others?"
"I'll see to them, for now we need our Australian
operations up and running by tomorrow. "
Britney smiled. LL
had a few stupid helmets, she had every politician, and most crappy
rock bands under her controls. The world was hers...
[END
INTERMISSION]
Mark stood over the mangled body of Saddamit,
blood leaking from the many heamorhages produced by his[now her]
outburst of singing. "Jetzt zu Bjorkland!" she yelled, chanelling
her Bjorkpower and transporting herself to Bjorkland. She looked
around, the landscape had been shockingly
altered...
[INTERMISSION]
Levellord scowled, her
remote sensors had shown that despite multiple assasins, Mark McMire
had somehow made it to Bjorkland. Her face contorted even more into
a mask of rage. "Get a hundred helmets to the bay now! Kill him at
all costs!" "There is something else mistress," groveled #8 "Your
boyfreind is here..."
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level
Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 421
(6/10/04 10:48 am)
203.134.137.125
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Re:
Eeeeevil!
[END INTERMISSION]
Mark, now transformed, could barely
control his new form. He/she/it started waltzing around. Whispering
voices entered his mind - the voice of a hundred voices speaking in
unison.
"You are resisting - why are you resisting? Embrace
this new form, cast aside the shreds of fault and hatred with your
old form, become homogenic of mind, and embrace your newfound
beauty."
"GAARG...must resist..." Mark said, crouching and
quivering, trying his best to halt the mental changes.
"You are
holding on! Let go of your past, embrace the future! The Homogenic
Future will be the future most desired by humanity! All you have to
do is set NephariteofIlian free, and let him transform into the
Were-Björk Queen. After that, we will infect them all - including
Britney Spears!" the chorus spoke.
"Please...help me..." shouted
NephariteofIlian, through the chorus of the collective. "HELP ME!
HELP ME!"
"Do not take notice of him - he has not fully let go,
the Poison Cola is preventing him from leading us! Once our Queen is
released from the prison you call NephariteofIlian, he shall be
helped. He shall be free."
"But he won't be himself anymore.
That's just the Were-Björk virus talking, not the true individuals!"
Mark shouted through the collective.
"HELP!" NephariteofIlian
shouted through the collective mind. "Get to Levellord's citadel and
dose me up completely on the Pepsi - then we can take the battle to
the real enemy, Britney Spears, and her master, the deadly Kommadant
Milt..."
Mark, with his newly-found resilience, leapt to
action, and through sheer strength of will combined with his natural
insanity, shifted back into Mark again. "Alright! Who wants some!?"
he shouted.
Grabbing a board with a nail, Mark set off for
Levellord's citadel...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple Edited by: NephariteofIlian
at: 6/16/04 9:39 am
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 1035
(6/16/04 11:24
am)
219.88.57.35
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Re:
Eeeeevil!
LevelLord fumed.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!"
"Erm, a Mark
wiped out our attack force ma'am and is heading towards us as we
speak, Mrs Spears has sent a large attack force of Wolfenstein fans
who are attacking our western flank, and there have been delays
in-"
"Screw the attacks, we need McMire's gizmo running now!"
And with that she stormed off down the corridor.
Evan sighed,
at leat he wouldn't have to tell her her boyfriend had taken over
the base, she'd find that out soon
enough.
[Meanwhile]
Mark strode across the rugged
country, the smoking ruins of the attack force a mile away, and
LevelLords citadel looming large in the distance. In it he knew, was
his brother, his incredible intellect being used for who knew what
diabolical schemes. Suddenly he heard a voice that sounded like
someone strangling a cat while screeching its claws down a
blackboard.
"Tell me Mark, have you ever wondered what it
would be like to have your eardrums implode as your brain was
drained of every inteligent thought? Well you're about to find
out."
Mark turned, there was Britney Spears, and with growing
horror Mark realised she was holding the dreaded...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
grafix5000
Vortininja
Posts: 247
(6/23/04 6:22 am)
81.7.61.136
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![]() |
Re:
Eeeeevil!
...Squeeky-Toy-of-Death, the sound of which would render any
sentient being's thought waves meaningless and destroy their brain
cells in a similar way to CJD. This had been used by Mort McMire to
wipe the brains of the danJinnai, who he then enslaved as his
mindless servants, controlled only by a MindGizmo©
6000.
"Don't squeeze it!" screamed Mark, but his cry fell on
deaf ears. LevelLord raised the Squeeky-Toy-of-Death to her
Sound-o-Beam 2000, and squeezed.
"Noooooo...." bellowed Mark.
Suddenly...
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 1068
(6/23/04 10:47
am)
219.88.57.48
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Re:
Eeeeevil!
...the world imploded, Mark had just enough time to cover his ears
before the lethal effects set in. Struggling through a sea of pain
Mark fought for consiousness. Dragging himself up Mark saw that it
had been Levellord holding the toy, where Britney Spears had been
just seconds before. She wasn't wearing earmuffs.
Mark winced
at what he saw. "Oh man, thats done it. No one deserves
this."
"Yay!" chirped Levellord, decked out in bright pastel
fuzz, "Again! Again! Sing song! Lalalalalalala!"
Mark
pocketed the toy before calmly putting Levellord out of her
misery.
"Britney must have my brother, this is his favourate
toy!" And so saying Mark set off once again, ready to...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 445
(6/29/04 6:13 pm)
202.138.30.91
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Re:
Eeeeevil!
...find a packet of Cheetoes for a quick
power-up.
"Cheetoes...cheetoes...cheetoes..." Mark muttered,
looking for them amongst the rubble. "C'MON!" Mark shouted to the
sky. "WHERE'S THE [CENSORED] CHEETOES!!??"
Mark wanted
Cheetoes badly, and Britney wanted revenge for the quick marriage.
Then, he came across a weird-looking guy in a disco
outfit.
Mark asked the guy...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
grafix5000
Vortininja
Posts: 270
(7/2/04 6:13 pm)
81.7.54.75
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![]() |
C'mon, dammit!
Keep this story going!
..."You look familiar. Do I know you?"
The weird-looking guy
in a disco outfit slowly turned his head, then his body, and finally
shuffled his feet round to face Mark.
"My name," he said
casually, with the sunlight glinting off his 70's retro sunglasses,
"is Disco Stu. My sole aim," he spun round and raised his right arm
in the air in a 70's-style dance move, "is to dance. But I must not
stop to talk, for I have places to go and chicks to meet." And with
that, he danced off into the distance humming "My name is Disco
Stuuuu...hmm, hmmhmmhmmm yeah."
"Weird," exclaimed Mark to
no-one in particular. He suddenly looked down at his shoes and
noticed a pack of Cheetos lying by his feet.
"CHEETOS!" he
yelled, and grabbed the packet. As his head swung round with his
shoulders, he noticed a strange glint shining along the ground, as
if some sort of invisible cable was stretched across it. Mark opened
his mouth.
"Uh-ohhhhhhhhh..."
[side note: I believe LL
is responsible for killing off the story by splitting it into three
different sections. Or should I say Memlord?]
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 449
(7/4/04 4:11 am)
203.134.137.173
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Re: C'mon,
dammit! Keep this story going!
Suddenly, the cable whipped around his legs, and straight into a
huge spaceship. Mark conked his head on the way up...
"What
are you doing here, Mark?" asked a familiar voice. Mark looked
up.
"MAGNUS MAGNUSSON!?" Mark shouted.
"Yes, 'tis I,"
Magnus declared.
"Oh, it's you, Magnus..." Mark remarked
sarcastically. He then, for some reason, blurted out the following
sentence: "Ég elska þig, Magnús..." in a strangely feminine
voice.
"URK!" Magnus said, grabbing a rubber mallet. "You had
better not, or I'll have to throw you off of my ship right
now!"
"What!? I don't even know what I was saying! It just came
out! I think it's that Björkanthropy..."
"Well, Mark, you're
creeping me out. First, you denigrate my father's job, now, you try
and associate yourself with one of the most famous people from my
country..."
"Mark, GET ME A PEPSI! NOW!!!"
Mark was
starting to lose control. "GAAACK!" Mark screamed as he felt his
guts contorting and re-arranging. "AAARGH!" he yelped as his bones
started shrinking. "EEEEK!" he squealed as he was turning from male
to female.
Magnus ran off, but Mark chased him down and...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 433
(7/7/04 2:25 pm)
202.126.102.103
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|
*pulls out
defribulators*
...said the funniest thing imaginable. Magnus, just in earshot,
promptly burst out laughing. Hefty, drawn out and painful laughter
erupted from him, seeming to reverberate from every part of his
being. He collapsed to the ground, and any onlooker would almost be
convinced he was tickling himself to the verge of
insanity.
"You... AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! AAAHAHAHAHH! Oww....
bastard... MAAAARHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAHRRK!! You...
HAAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Soo... HAHAHAHAAAHAHA! Funny...
HEEEHEEEHAHAAHAHAHEEE!!" Magnus was completely debilitated, not even
able to complete a sentence without interlacing it with the
charicaturic laughter.
"What'd I say?" Asked Mark, genuinely
confused from the sudden outburst.
"The funniest
AAAAAAHEHEHAHAHAEHEHEEHEHAAEEHAWWWW! Thing
imaHAHAHAginAAHAHAHAAHAHABLE!
HAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHEHEEHEEHEAHAHAHAHAAHAHAWWWHAWHAWHEE!
Owww..."
"I did? Cool! What was it?"
Magnus recited
what Mark had previously said, still lurching and twisting and
wrenching with laughter. Mark raised an eybrow and cocked his head
to one side. "Hmm... guess you had to be there."
A door in a
remote corner of the room slid open, and from the ominous white
light on the other side emerged...
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
Once upon a time
was a backbeat,
Once upon a time all the chords came to
life
And the angels had guitars even before thay had wings
If
you hold onto a chorus you can get through the night
> Meat
Loaf - Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ Edited by: CommanderSpleen
at: 7/7/04 2:27 pm
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 454
(7/8/04 8:57 am)
203.134.137.187
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|
Re: *pulls out
defribulators*
...a platoon of elite Droidiccan soldiers, armed with laser
cannons. This door opened with the resound of Pink Floyd's Welcome
to the Machine, as the Droidiccan Emperor deigned himself to parade
around the ship.
"Sorry to abduct you two, but...THE OTHER
HUMAN HAS THE SONGSTRESS SICKNESS!"
"What!?" Mark said, as
the transformations kicked in again, but then a cup of Pepsi was
given to Mark, who drank it. He changed back into
normal.
"Songstress Sickness? What is that?"
"The disease you
call Björkanthropy - we call it the Songstress Sickness - has
infected my people's energy source. One bad batched spoiled the
whole energy system, and before you know it, over 60% of the
Droidiccan people are Björkbots!"
"Björ-what?"
"Björkbots,
they are androids that look like this," the Droidiccan Emperor
spoke," showing a screenshot of the monochrome Bjork-shaped androids
from the music video for 'All is Full of Love'.
"Those!?" Magnus
shouted. "I saw a heap of them on the ship earlier..."
"Yes, our
people are getting sicker. The infection is spreading, and there is
only one source of Pepsi in the universe - the planet Earth. Thus,
we, the remnant Droidiccan people, must reclaim it and save our
wayward Björkbot brothers and sisters. Unless you can find the
cure..."
Mark and Magnus shouted in unison, "WELL, WHAT IS THE
[CENSORED] CURE!?!?"
Suddenly...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1150
(7/9/04 2:11 pm)
219.88.58.64
Reply
| Edit
| Del
.htm) |
poeming
...in walked God.
"I tire of your meddling in my divine
plan!" he boomed "Your entire life in nothing more than one crazy
event after another! So now I will erase your existence!" "Don't
worry," he added. "it won't hurt a bit."
Seconds later a
figure dressed entirely in amour burst into the room. He has 6' 6'',
wore dark glasses, an assortment of grenades knives and guns. "I am
Nietzche, and your philosophy!" he growled. Pointing a submachine
gun at God, he proceeded to obliterate God [and half of the room] in
a hail of blood and bullets.
"God is dead." said
Nietzche.
"Gee thanks," said Mark "now as I was saying, the
cure-"
"I'm afraid that your adventures end here little man."
Siad Nietzche pointing the gun in Marks direction.
"Not so
fast!" yelled...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 455
(7/9/04 2:55 pm)
202.126.102.48
Reply
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|
Bite me!
...a deep, disembodied voice, seeming to reverberate from the very
air surrounding them.
"Eh?" Neitzche's head darted back and
forth as he attempted to pinpoint the origin of the
voice.
"You couldn't have thought it would be that easy to
irradicate me, could you?"
"Dammit. God?"
"Watch your
Goddamn language," boomed God's angered voice.
"Aha! So it is true!
You are a
friggin' hypocrite!" Mark fumed. His eruption brought Neitzche's
mind back to the situation at hand and he spun around, aiming the
weapon directly at Mark's head.
"Gimme that!" yelled God as a
rift opened up in mid-air and swallowed the gun.
Mark took
the opportunity to...
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
Once upon a time
was a backbeat,
Once upon a time all the chords came to
life
And the angels had guitars even before thay had wings
If
you hold onto a chorus you can get through the night
> Meat
Loaf - Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 456
(7/10/04 2:04 am)
202.138.30.81
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|
If you can't
beat 'em, sue 'em!
...consult his lawyer.
Suddenly, a team of expensive
lawyers, with several pagan deities in tow, shouted, "The being you
call God has already been guilty of ripping off many other
religions."
Then, 'God' said, "What!? Me? No, I don't think
so!"
"Yep, and you've been stealing our festivals," an angry
Odin, Thor, Freyja and several other Norse gods, shouted.
"And
plain ripped off MY religion," Ahura Mazda angrily spat.
"Yeah,
and try and identify a perfectly good fertility symbol with evil!"
an unnamed Babylonian god shouted.
"Got sick of being just
another mountain god, so you had to condemn all of us others!" Zeus
boomed.
"Anyway," the lawyer said, "the entity known as the
Demiurge has been ripping off several things and incorporating it
into his own religion, not to mention claiming he is the real God.
For example, the 'Christmas Tree' is nothing more than a tacky
rip-off of Yggdrassil, copyrighted by the Aesir and Vanir, as seen
here in the Eddas..."
While the assortment of deities and
lawyers were arguing, with a few hammers, lightning bolts, and
flames being tossed at each other, Mark stumbled off and...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
grafix5000
Vortininja
Posts: 275
(7/12/04 4:13 pm)
81.7.62.220
Reply
| Edit
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![]() |
Re: If you can't
beat 'em, sue 'em!
...fell into a giant can of Pepsi.
"YAYZ000RZ!!!e+6uhduh!!"
he exclaimed. Mark splashed around in the Pespi, feeling his body
slowly transform back into its usual self. "Pepsi! I've found
Pepsi!" Mark shouted. The assembled crowd turned their heads.
"Finally! I can cure my people!" the Droidiccan Emperor
said.
Suddenly, the consistency of the Pespi changed. It
began to heat up and Mark's skin began to burn. Mark began to say,
"Uh-oohhh..." and suddenly...
If Keen eats all that
sugar, why doesn't he get a coronary?
goto http://www.toxicsheep.com/ to
see my site!
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 464
(7/13/04 5:46 am)
202.126.102.48
Reply
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|
Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
...the Demiurge took it upon zeself to change the subject: "Hey,
guys... gods... uhh... y'all. Ever notice how chain stories seem to
often link from one post to the next with the word
'suddenly'?"
Everyone glanced at him
questioningly.
"Just saying is all," the Demiurge
shrugged.
"This isn't Pepsi!" Mark shouted, among several
blood-curdling screams. "He ripped off Pepsi! Dude, I can understand
if you're gonna go about ripping off a bunch of religions, but
PEPSI!? You sicken me. Yaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh!"
Without
warning and in the blink of an eye...
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
Once upon a time
was a backbeat,
Once upon a time all the chords came to
life
And the angels had guitars even before thay had wings
If
you hold onto a chorus you can get through the night
> Meat
Loaf - Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1172
(7/13/04 12:07 pm)
219.88.57.17
Reply
| Edit
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|
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
...Bill Gates appeared.
0W|\|3D! He yelled. "Its vitalin!
Now I will dispose of you 5uXX0R pests! Meet my, or should I say
Morts, ultimate construction!"
Mark stared in shock and awe
as the huge contraption burst into sight; it was a giant window, a
hundred feet to a side. In the middle was trapped Marks brother,
wired to the very machine he had been forced to build.
"When
I rule the world everyone will use Microsoft Windows, in Microsoft
houses, and go to Microsoft Works!" Boomed Gates.
"You're
sick!" cried Mark. "This is a corruption of all my brothers work! He
always wanted to increase universal inteligence not reduce people to
babbling fools!"
But it was too late, the giant machine
overshadowed everything, it noise defeaning Mark as it destroyed
everyone and everything around him. What could he possibly do
against such power? And then it hit him, something so simple it made
him laugh. Mark...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 458
(7/15/04 5:51 am)
203.134.137.163
Reply
| Edit
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|
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
...remembered an ancient chant - of the Mighty Penguin!
He
chanted, "Linux, Linux, Linux..."
Bill Gates covered his ears,
repelled by the name of the Holy OS.
"LINUX! LINUX! LINUX!" the
world chanted, and soon, Tux did a kamikaze rush into the machine,
destroying it with his flabby penguin self. A huge crash was heard
and the window lost its power, and Bill Gates was flattened by Tux's
sheer weight, breaking every bone in his body.
Mark crawled
out of the keg of Vitalin and roughed up Bill Gates. "Hahahaahaa!
This distraction was a success!"
"What distraction?" Mark
demanded.
"While you were fighting me, you were fighting..." Bill
Gates dissolved into a puddle of milt.
"Hm...that's unusual,"
Mark said.
"You blathering idiot half-brother," Mortimer McMire
shouted. "Gates promised me power and all his money! He was easy to
convince!"
"This is much more important than your personal
ambitions, the fate of the Droidiccan race is at stake!" the
Droidiccan Emperor shouted.
"The Were-Björk virus is none of my
concern!" Mortimer shouted.
"Hey, I've got that virus!" Mark
shouted.
"Who gives a rats?" Mortimer ranted back. "Just so long
as I'm uninfected, that's all that matters!"
Immediately, a
host of Björkbots charged into the room and...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
Q90
![]()
Vortininja
Posts: 80
(7/15/04 7:00 pm)
12.73.8.116
Reply
| Edit
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![]() |
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
...gave Mort the virus. Mark yelled "Ha ha!", but then Q90 came in
and gave him the AutoExeX virus which told DOS to delete everything
in him. And he ran back to Sweden, but left behind an army of...
------------------------------------
peaceup
atowndown
|
BBalazs
Vortininja
Posts: 519
(7/16/04 6:28 am)
82.131.168.2
Reply
| Edit
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 |
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
... snipers! They were hiding in every single bush, not letting
Mort take a step closer. Than Mort called for his ship. The snipers
started firing at the not so huge, but dark and hard-to-hit
construct, but with no use. Bullets were destroyed by the powerful
shield around the ship. Mortimer saw an army of F-15 fighters on the
horizon, but he was not in the mood of fighting (which is rare) and
decided to flee. On the way, as he was travelling at triple
lightspeed, getting closer and closer to his hideout, all of sudden,
the vehicle dropped out of lightspeed at an early date - he saw a
huge asteroid field coming straight towards him!
------------------------------------------------------
Keep
in mind, I'm not an artist.
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1189
(7/16/04 2:26 pm)
219.88.57.180
Reply
| Edit
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|
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
Meanwhile Mark...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 95
(7/16/04 5:41 pm)
207.179.107.93
Reply
| Edit
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 |
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
was desperately trying to get off-planet. However, he'd managed to
spend all his money on extra-large jugs of Vitalin, so he had none
left. He decided to try to smuggle himself aboard a spaceship, so...
|
BBalazs
Vortininja
Posts: 529
(7/16/04 5:45 pm)
82.131.168.2
Reply
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|
Re: Suddenly,
suddenly, suddenly... Gah.
he climbed up into the cargo area of a really huge shuttle.
------------------------------------------------------
Keep
in mind, I'm not an artist.
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 481
(7/17/04 2:25 am)
202.126.102.168
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|
Climin.
In the moments before lift-off, Mark began to think over the past
ten minutes, and how anticlimatical and strangely pointless had been
the events.
"No! This is wrong! These people need Cheetos!
And I'm
going to get them to them!"
Mark creeped back out of the
cargo bay once more, just in time, too--the
shuttle...
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
Once upon a time
was a backbeat,
Once upon a time all the chords came to
life
And the angels had guitars even before thay had wings
If
you hold onto a chorus you can get through the night
> Meat
Loaf - Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 97
(7/17/04 5:39 pm)
207.179.107.90
Reply
| Edit
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|
Re:
Climin.
Was beginning the countdown even as he scurried away as fast as he
possibly could. He had no idea how he was going to succeed in
getting the Cheetos to them, but he was going to try if it killed
him! And...
|
BBalazs
Vortininja
Posts: 542
(7/17/04 5:45 pm)
82.131.168.2
Reply
| Edit
| Del
|
Re:
Climin.
he noticed a sign near the neighbouring skyscraper that it is a
chaos! All the Cheetos left on this planet was about 50 gramms.
------------------------------------------------------
Keep
in mind, I'm not an artist.
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1205
(7/18/04 1:25 am)
210.86.45.233
Reply
| Edit
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|
Re:
Climin.
This was serious thought Mark. The world needed a hero, and needed
one now.
Thinking quickly he rushed home and put on his
brothers football helmet, grabbed his bike and cheeto pistol [like a
water pistol but...] and transformed into
CAPTAIN...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 459
(7/18/04 3:39 am)
202.138.30.111
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| Edit
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|
Re:
Climin.
...GREEN!
Armed with solely a bike and cheeto pistol, a
green T-shirt and a pair of tracksuit pants, Captain Green dispenses
Cheeto-laden justice throughout the universe!
"OI!" shouted
iD Software lawyers. "You can't use Mortimer McMire's
helmet!"
Not wanting an expensive lawsuit, Mark...er, I mean,
Captain Green, ditched the helmet and replaced it with a black
baseball cap with a skull and crossbones on it. Slapping on the cap
backwards, he charged out and found an old abandoned spaceship - a
carbon copy of the Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket, except that it was
black with flame details on the sides.
He took off, but then
he heard a voice from the ship's computer. "INCOMING TRANSMISSION,"
it said.
"Open a channel," Mark said, remembering his Star Trek
dialogue.
The figure that met him on the viewscreen was a
Björkbot, announcing in that all-too-familiar half-Scandinavian,
half-Cockney accent, "Oh, it's that little Mark! Tell us, where is
NephariteofIlian?"
Mark...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
Keeniver
Vortininja
Posts: 106
(7/19/04 4:22 pm)
207.179.107.90
Reply
| Edit
| Del
 |
Re:
Climin.
shrugged. "I have no idea. I need to get about my work of handing
out Cheetos to the needy -- I can worry not about this
NephariteOfIlian!"
He reached over and tried to cut the
communication, but it persisted. "All right, what is it you want me
to do?" he asked. "I need you to --" the bot replied, then paused a
second, and continued. "I need you to..."
|
BBalazs
Vortininja
Posts: 550
(7/19/04 4:35 pm)
82.131.168.2
Reply
| Edit
| Del
|
Re:
Climin.
move over to Chandrilla V. The planet is hed captive, you must
rescue them! Oh, sidenote is that they might give you the cheetos
you're looking for. They have cheetos mines let's see... about as
huge as 50 terran square kilometres. Mark
------------------------------------------------------
Keep
in mind, I'm not an artist.
|
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 462
(7/24/04 10:57 am)
202.138.30.121
Reply
| Edit
| Del
|
Re:
Climin.
...punched in the hyperdrive co-ordinates for Chandrilla V, and
touched down on the planet. It was composed largely of a
reddish-purple rock, with bluish-purple skies. Mark heard the sound
of factory workers and shouting.
"C'mon you slugs!" Mark heard
from a bunch of workers. "We have to get this shipment of Cheetoes
ready for distribution!"
Mark found a few stray Cheetoes,
hastily glomphing them noisily. "OI!" he heard someone shout. It was
a Chandrillan howler monkey, a member of a species of sapient
purple-furred, green-skinned baboons. "We've got a live one
here!"
Mark then heard a harsh masculine voice, addressing
the monkeys: "We have to make the delivery to our clients - get
these Cheetoes to them stat! Besides, the Grand Intellect is not
going to be pleased if he hears we've been slacking..."
Soon,
Mark heard a voice, "Didn't your parents ever tell you you were
adopted?"
It was none other than...
Ilian is the first of the Dark
Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of
the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful
sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the
Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and
her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark
Soul.
Excerpt
from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware
of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he
dreams himself your master."
Commissioner
Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes
I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's
Temple |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1290
(7/28/04 11:34 am)
219.89.1.45
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.htm) |
Re:
Climin.
...Commander Keen.
"I was what?!" yelled Mark, dodging a
blast.
"Yep, adopted. You're not a McMire at all." said Keen,
calmly unleashing a barrage of bullets.
"If I'm not a Mcmire,
why are you shooting at me?" said Mark, ducking.
"Okay, you
got me there." said Keen "You are a McMire, either way
I'm-"
Keen collapsed, probbably because he had been clobbered
with a giant cheeto. "You're going to bed early tonigh mister!"
growled Molly.
Mark groaned. Molly was the family faliure.
His father was the ilustrious [and dead] Dr Proton, his mother sold
playboy to underage kids, Mort wanted to destroy the universe, and
he himself had made a killing in insurance scams, but Molly was a
total washout.
"Okay then," said Mark. "I heard something
about Mort and cheetoes. Whats the news?"
"Oh he said
something about controlling the universes supply of cheetoes or
something." said Molly nonchalantly.
Mark froze. So first
Mort had to get top grades, then he had to be more evil, and now
he was after cheetoes? "Little bro, if you want a war, you've got
one! When I've finnished with you you'll need your pogo for a
crutch!"
And with Mark set off to beat up his little brother,
leaving Keen with Molly.
He ahdn't got very far when he came
across an all too familiar figure. Dressed in green pants, blue
shirt and greay helmet, Mark recognized his mortal enemy at
once.
The only person to score higher in 'cheeto comsumption
101'
Somone who had held that over him ever since, never
missing an oppurtunity to point out Marks faliures and
weaknesses.
'No."
"It can't be!'
'How did you
get here?!'
"Captain...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
BBalazs
Vortininja
Posts: 581
(7/28/04 12:12 pm)
82.131.168.2
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Re:
Climin.
Blue?"
"Wrong question." was the answer that Mark only
remembered, because everything went dark. When he could finally open
his eyes, he realised that he is trapped inside a giant packet of
Cheetos!
------------------------------------------------------
Keep
in mind, I'm not an artist.
|
CommanderSpleen
Vortininja
Posts: 531
(7/28/04 12:26 pm)
202.134.240.186
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You like
Cheetos? Have all the Cheetos in the world!
He sat there for a moment, thinking through his predicament. There
seemed no escape. He was buried head-to-toe in round, cheesey,
mouthwatering...
Wait a minute, he thought, I'm buried
head-to-toe in round, cheesey, mouthwatering... his thoughts ceased
there as his OMGLookitAllTheCheetos drive kicked in.
His
breathing and heart rate quickened as the adrenalin pumped through
his veins, and in an instant he was scrambling about like a
contestant in one of those crazy glass tube cash game things,
grabbing all the cash floating in the air and cramming them all into
his mouth as fast as he could.
~.·²·.~
"Argh! This is
terrible! Make it stop!" Mark pleaded. He'd been in there for over
three hours, flailing and cheeto-crunching non-stop. "I'll never eat
another Cheeto again!"
Suddenly, the bag began to ruffle.
Mark looked up. Someone was opening the packet! A few moments later,
the rift into the outside world opened up to reveal...
BTW
Love the sig, LevelLord!
>Commander Spleen
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"If your grand plan
is thwarted, fear not;
From its ashes shall arise a grander
one."
- My Left Ankle
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ Edited by: CommanderSpleen
at: 7/28/04 12:27 pm
|
NephariteofIlian
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 473
(7/30/04 11:47 pm)
203.134.137.92
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Re: You like
Cheetos? Have all the Cheetos in the world!
...Commander Keen!
"Wait, I did mean that you are a McMire,
but just not a real one. You're actually one of the Fat Baron's
kids!"
"Gee," Mark said, "no wonder I have a love of Cheetoes -
but what can explain the sense of good?"
"Hm..." Commander Keen
muttered, "it appears from my analysis that you have
Björkanthropy..."
"Erm, I got it from Nephar..."
Suddenly,
Mark felt that familiar sensation again. He wailed as his bones were
shrinking, cracking into a new shape. He shouted as his skin went
from a Wisconsin complexion to a paler-still Icelandic complexion.
He squealed like a pig as...well, never mind...
When this was done, Commander Keen said to the Were-Björk
that used to be Mark...
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1322
(7/31/04 2:09 pm)
219.88.57.66
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Re: You like
Cheetos? Have all the Cheetos in the world!
This really isn't my day.
Those were the last words Keen was
to utter in a long time. Mark uttered a piercing supersonic
icelandic wail, shattering Keens eardrums before jumping right on
top of him. Since she had spent the last three hours eating cheetos,
this reduced Keen to an intensive care patient [Billy would later
tell his parents it was a car accident.]
A can of pepsi hit
her square in the face. Within seconds Marks familiar features
emerged from the hideous appiration he had become. Someone was
slouched in front of him.
"Captain Redd!" Yelled Mark in
surprise. Keen had evidently done his work, Redd spoke slowly, and
had a dazed look in his eyes. "M-mark, M-m-mc-M-m-mire. We meet
ag-agin." He stuttered.
"I'm not a McMire, you heard Keen,
I'm the fat Barons' son" said Mark sadly.
Captain Redd
laughed, it sounded like water going down a blocked drain. "You
always w-were y-your fathers son, M-moron. Ever h-heard of an
aff-ffair? You are the son of a McMire and the Baron, evil
squared."
"And the desire to do good?" said Mark, somewhat in
shock.
"Genetic mental disability, your sister has it in
spades" replied Redd "You scored top marks at Hogwash school for
thugcraft and villiany didn't you? You always beat me, I could never
be that bad! Straight F's! Well I'll make you pay!
I'll..."
Mark left him rambling threats, he was relieved to
say the least, being ilegitimate was an unexpected bonus, even if it
was to the fat Baron. The only question was did he kick his brothers
butt, or murder his father? Mark tossed a coin. Heads, the fat Baron
it was then. Mort could wait, he'd have to do his homework before
finnishing his diabolical plan. And with that Mark stole Commander
Redds ship and headed directly for...
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 474
(7/31/04 5:15 pm)
202.138.30.65
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Re: Chain Story
II...
...piloted it right towards Earth again. Now that Mark had had his
cheeto fix, he could get back to battle.
But, over the planet
Earth, there was a fleet of starships, all of them had the Fat
Baron's symbol on it, the Luftwaffe's cross with the colours
reversed.
Suddenly, another group of starships, with the
writing 'NOI' on the sides, started regrouping and attacking the Fat
Baron's ships. Some of the ships with the NOI logo were ships of
Levellord's design!
Mark...
|
CommanderSpleen
Vorticon
Elite
Posts: 543
(8/1/04 3:26
am)
202.126.102.30
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Abbaout
time!
...stared in shock for a few moments, "But... but I vapourised her!
How..."
The sound of his transceiver indicating an incoming
message via a recording of a woman screaming, "Aaaargh! We're all
gonna die!" interruped. Not taking his eyes off LeveLords ship, he
passively reached over and pressed the "I know that, tell me
something useful" button.
A familiar voice pumped through the
transceiver, "Get out of here, kid. This planet is already doomed."
Mark's head swung round to the vid-screen.
He could nearly have had a heart attack. Right there, staring back
at him, was Kommandant Milt.
"You... but..."
A wry
smirk crept across Milt's face, "Yes. Indeed. Now, are you going to
crawl back to your little Droidiccan friends, or will I have to
reach into LevelLord's toybox?"
"The Droidiccans need the
Pepsi on this planet. And besides, my grandkids are probably down
there some--" Mark noticed something in the background of Milt's
transmission, "Is that Abba music?"
"It's my battle music!"
Milt retorted, "Now prepare to die." His face disappeared from the
vid-screen.
Immedately afterward, the transciever once more
screamed, "We're all gonna die!" This time Commander Spleen's face
appeared. "We need to save Abba music from Milt's evil influence!
He's been corrupting it and turning everyone against
it!"
Mark gave him a strange look and...
ö Cave assectatorem Ductoris Alacris ö
"Well, at least I
can spel worth a damn."
-
http://c2.com/cgi/wiki?BillZimmerly
JimSoft
Lair
http://jimsoftlair.tripod.com/ |
NephariteofIlian
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 476
(8/1/04 5:36 am)
203.134.137.84
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Re: Chain Story
II...
...charged up the mass drivers! Flying in to intercept the numerous
Levellord fighters swarming out of Kommadant Milt's ships, Mark took
them down in a hail of mass driver fire.
"YEEHAWW!" Mark
shouted like a crazed loon, then gunning for the Command
Carrier...
Suddenly, a huge fleet of ships gated out of
hyperspace. All of them had the Were-Björk sign on them, and soon,
he heard a transmission from them - a Björkish voice.
"What is
it, my precious, my love?" the Björkish voice peeped. "My command
fleet is here to help you consolidate your attack, Milty!"
"Oh
great," Mark muttered. "First Kommadant Milt, now
this!?"
Mark's ship took a pummeling, and was about to
explode, when suddenly he felt himself pulled in an unearthly
direction...
Mark faced a figure that was a dead ringer for
Björk, and the pseudo-angelic figure of Kommadant Milt. The
Were-Björk grabbed Mark by the arm and kissed him passionately. "All
this now, my first Were-Björk, my precious, my love," she whispered
in his ear. Soon he noticed a small blemish on the Were-Björk's
thigh (she was wearing a swan dress like the real Björk) - then he
knew it was NephariteofIlian. Mark pushed him/her/it off, and was
about to slap her silly. Pulling a can of Pepsi out of his pocket,
he shoved it down the Were-Björk's throat, and soon it was revealed
to be NephariteofIlian.
"What the hell am I doing here?" Neph
shouted in frustration.
"Well, you were a Were-Björk, and you
were..."
"I can guess..." NephariteofIlian moaned, looking at the
shredded remains of the swan dress, before puking his guts out.
"Well, NO ONE MAKES ME DRESS IN DRAG AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"
NephariteofIlian shouted, before grabbing a katana, and charged
heroically but stupidly at Kommadant Milt. A dollop of Skyr was
forced down NephariteofIlian's throat, turning him back into the
Were-Björk. Kommadant Milt flew off laughing like a Frenchman
can.
"Well, where were we? I plan to remove your Were-Björk
infection, Mark, and together we can destroy Kommadant Milt and rule
the world together! You and me, my love..." Were-Björk
NephariteofIlian said.
"I'll never join you!" Mark
shouted.
"Why do you say that, I do not know...I can help you
find..."
The Fat Baron swooped in with a can of Pepsi,
accurately firing the torrent of Pepsi into the Were-Björk's mouth.
She turned back into NephariteofIlian!
"Und zat is over
with," the Fat Baron said. "C'mon son," he said, pointing to Mark
McMire. "Let's do some good for a change! GANIK FRENCHIE FRYER!" he
shouted, firing a beam of sauerkraut into Kommadant Milt, causing
him to explode, the pure German-ness of the sauerkraut beam
eliminating the French-ness of Kommadant Milt.
Soon, the Fat
Baron, Mark, and NephariteofIlian made it off the ship, with all the
ships exploding.
LATER...
On Earth, a huge party was
organised in the rave scene in the Netherlands. The Fat Baron and
his German frauleins were there, as was Mark.
"Hey," Mark said,
"whatever happened to NephariteofIlian?"
"I can answer that," a
man in a business suit said.
"It's the CEO of Pepsi
Corporation!"
"Who would know that the Droidiccans now drank the
last of it. Fortunately for them, one dose of Pepsi was all they
needed to be cured. I think that ol' Nephie is selling Pepsi on
Vorticon IV."
"That's good, but what about Shikadi
Cola?"
"Thing is, the Shikadi are helping us with big
business!"
"That's good...for the Pepsi Corporation
anyway..."
"But what about NephariteofIlian?"
"He's on his way
to the monastery on Vorticon IV to train under the Vorticon Elders.
Hopefully there he can somehow find a way to keep back the
Were-Björk transformation at will there."
Meanwhile,
NephariteofIlian was away, training under the Vorticon Elders.
There, he would unlock the secret of controlling his Björkanthropy,
and perhaps purge it out of his system.
Mark decided to
retire to Hawaii again, and there he lived out the rest of his
days.
Or did he...?
THE END...or is it?
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1339
(8/1/04 1:06 pm)
219.88.58.81
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Re: Chain Story
II...
Meanwhile on the planet Alnico...
Mortimer rubbed his
backside. When Mark said he was going to 'kick his butt from here to
Alnico' Mort thought he was joking.
He surveyed his options,
the universe was in shambles, his brother having blasted his way
through most of it. [And opening pyramid schemes wherever he went,
hoe do you think he got to Hawaihi?] His fleet was destroyed, his
empire in ruins. He had lost everything. The only consolation was
that Keen was in traction. He had to rebuild, but how?
He
heard an odd voice, icelandic in nature, but hoarse and well, ugly.
"How odd, these feelings, I want to sing, but what am I? Feel
so...so... icelandic."
<ort stared at the hideous
appiration in front of him, it was lLevellord, once. Mort knew that
were bjorks could regenerate if vapourised, and also that sometimes
Bjorkanthropy didn't fully take hold. He had to supress a shiver.
'Levelbjork' was hideous, half her face bjork, half not, white
blotches on her tanned skin, one blue eye, one green, forever frozen
midway between two forms.
Mort knew now what to do. He would
take Levelbjork and her remaining fleet to Schaumgummiring, the
donut shaped planet in the Hjack system. There he would take it over
and pit the power of donuts against that of Cheetos. Then he would
kick Marks butt.
Three hours later Mort looked out of the
window on the command deck of 'The Golden Brown'
at...
[Character change! Who wants to write for Mort?]
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level Lord |
NephariteofIlian
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 480
(8/4/04 7:05 am)
202.138.30.67
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Re: Chain Story
II...
...a huge fleet from the Galactic Council Navy!
"This is
Subcommander Yarikos of the Galactic Council Fleet. We have your
ship surrounded. Prepare to be scanned."
Mort was wondering
what the Galactic Council was doing at a time like this. "You should
be after Mark, not me!"
"We will destroy Mark, in due ti...hey,
this is the Grand Intellect, isn't it! What have you done with
Commander Keen?"
"I'm afraid he's in traction," Mort
spat.
"Who is that in the shadows?" Subcommander Yarikos
shouted.
"'Tis I, ye of the Galactic Council," Levellord
spoke.
"By the Gods!" Subcommander Yarikos cursed. "You
are...well..."
"Yeah, what!?"
Mort said, "In case you didn't
know, the Were-Björk curse has trouble affecting
women."
"Levellord will need medical attention," a pretty young
Vorticon nurse warned. "We don't know the effects of Björkanthropy
on females as of yet."
"Can't you see what's happening to me!?"
she shouted. "I'm no longer truly a Kiwi, I'm not yet Icelandic,
what am I?" she burbled, crying.
"Mortimer, beam her onboard, we
need to medically treat her! If we don't..."
Mort...
|
BBalazs
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 609
(8/4/04 7:19 am)
82.131.168.2
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Re: Chain Story
II...
replied fast, not letting Yarikos finish his last
sentence:
Why do I have to take care of these fools? I have
more major projects to work on. And what if the illness spreads all
over to my ship? And I won't let you fools to make a trap out of
this no, with an IQ of 315 I will toast all your frigates before
they would turn their cannons towards me.
------------------------------------------------------
Keep
in mind, I'm not an artist.
|
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1377
(8/6/04 1:30 pm)
219.88.57.19
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Re: Chain Story
II...
"What the hell are you talking about?" said
Yarikos
"Behold!" said Mort putting a silver helmet on
LevelBjork. "The ultimate escape device!"
"Looks like a
tinfoil hat." said Yarikos
"Ha!" said Mort, "You are aware
that Levellord is also an author in this story aren't
you?"
"So?" said Yarikos
"So see you later suckers!"
said Mort activating the plot device.
And with that Mortimer
transported the entire fleet to the Keen Modding Forum.
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt
Dsinhrt!
"No
one should be here" -Level
Lord | |
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