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NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 260
(11/29/03 10:42 am)
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Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic...
Hey all, I've started work on a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic, working title "Commander Moon". Here's a snippet. Enjoy!
------STORY BIT BEGINS------
Mortimer McMire was defeated once again. His intelligence had failed him. Commander Keen had ended up defeating him one too many times, and now Mortimer was falling, spinning - after he had been kicked in the cods through that wormhole.
Falling through the void, lit only by stars, Mortimer contemplated his end. It could come within a few days - maybe a few hours - or minutes. He was falling at a breakneck speed, thinking about his doom. Mortimer wondered if destroying the universe was such a good idea after all? He knew that sooner or later, he was to end up in a colossal SPLAT.
Mortimer McMire started falling slower after hitting a layer of thick evil-looking purple clouds, but ended up plunging into what seemed to be an ocean of cold, dark water. He fell through the water, and emerged back to the surface, calling for help. “HELP! Somebody help me!!” he yelled. He tried to swim to shore - but he didn’t know where the shore was. Red lights were just beyond the horizon, and zooming closer to Mortimer.
Feminine laughter, with a dark, ironic hint in its tone, boomed all around, and flying demonic bats were screeching, flittering around.
“What the &*#$ is going on!?” Mortimer shouted. He heard ominous music in his head, the water was churning, and the bats were circling, screeching overhead like buzzards over a dying beast. Then, as if out of nowhere, one of the bats swooped down and snatched Mortimer with its claws. Mortimer was shocked that he would be reduced to a bat’s lunch. The red lights were following Mortimer, observing him - they felt more like eyes, monitoring Mortimer, who was swearing like a sailor. As he was overhead, the shores and surface of the alien planet looked like a dark moon.
A palace came into view, lit by eerie lights. The sounds of a city came from below - but only this time, it was a city of darkness, of evil, of sorrow. The landscape resembled something like Hawaii or Iceland. Loud, slow, weird-sounding music was playing. The singing didn’t quite match the tune, it sounded like a strange, pulsating electronic style.
Eventually, the bat and Mortimer reached a palace. Mortimer himself was dropped in another pool, and ended up swimming to the side. The red eyes kept following him, beckoning Mortimer through corridors. The paintings on the walls had a kind of dark beauty, but others were far more disturbing. Mortimer felt compelled, but something there touched him - even a heart of obsidian like Mortimer’s would feel something wrong…
He came to a throne room, where the red lights floated back toward a throne, and disappeared into a crystal ball. The throne twisted around, facing Mortimer. There was a woman, with impossibly-long red hair, unsettling jet-black eyes, a blue dress. She was possessed of a voluptuous figure, which filled the dress in an unsettling way. Her hands had long black nails, like the raven, and she seemed to smell of gritty ash and fish oil.
“FACE ME MORTAL,” said the woman in a harpy’s voice, “face the majestic Queen Beryl, your future master…”
------STORY BIT ENDS------
Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."
Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple |
KeenRush
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 4443
(11/29/03 7:12 pm)
Reply
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Re: Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic
Hmmm.. Seems to be a very well written 'story teaser'. Can't wait to see what is going to happen! Poor Mort..
You're skilled, keep up the good work! 
Keen mods, please! |
Robo Blue
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 844
(12/1/03 10:33 pm)
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Re: Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic
The beginning reminded me a lot of the intro to Myst (my favorite cinema scene from any PC game) where the myst book is falling through the star void. Man, I loved that game...
Nice work Nephrite.
 Official Keenbound Site
Visit The Dos Vault Message Board. I'm an admin 
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AKeenCommander
Grunt
Posts: 9
(12/2/03 2:24 am)
Reply
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Re: Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic
they ought to make it into a commander keen-type game. "Mortimor McMire and the escape from the queen" or somthing like that. Mortimor could turn good and have to escape from the queen. that would be cool.
Edited by: AKeenCommander at: 12/2/03 2:32 am
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JosephBurke 
Tres-tria quindecim
Posts: 139
(12/2/03 7:58 pm)
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Da, da, da, from the past.
There was once a Power Puff Girl, Commander Keen dual fan fiction. It was very good, I don't think it was ever finished, though. The part that was made should be somewhere on one of these forums or at least a link to it is somewhere.
I tried a bunch of searches and found nothing, unfortunate really, if it's lost.
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KeenRush
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 4466
(12/3/03 5:53 pm)
Reply
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Re: Da, da, da, from the past.
 I haven't heard about that one.. Probably.. Yeah, and the search doesn't really work..
Keen mods, please! |
NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 265
(12/7/03 7:04 am)
Reply
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Re: Da, da, da, from the past.
CHAPTER 1: Not so Keen anymore…
Billy Blaze sighed, realising that the greatest threat to the universe had just been defeated. Mortimer McMire would have surely died after going through that wormhole he created with the Wormhole-O-Matic, which he promptly destroyed soon afterwards. Without Mortimer McMire, his army soon dissolved, and went back to their normal routine before Mortimer came along.
Or at least, Billy believed that Mortimer was gone.
On the bus, on his way to another dull day at school, the radio was playing N*Sync. Billy tired at the pure banality of it, preferring if they played a bit of techno music once in a while – the good kind. He remembered when he heard Björk back in 1992, and he had found that more interesting. He knew that if Mortimer had his way, the radio would broadcast mainly thrash metal – and perhaps even disco, just to irk people. “Perhaps that would be better than stupid ol’ N*Sync,” Billy reflected. The news came on after another dull serving of Britney Spears. Why they insisted on putting the radio on Non-Stop Pop Hits was beyond Billy.
Soon after the usual reflection of American events – grid iron games, George W. Bush’s latest address, things like that – the news came on to report Mortimer McMire’s disappearance.
“It has been almost a year since the disappearance of Mortimer McMire, and still no clues have been found. Molly McMire, Mortimer’s elder sister, was admitted to the local county’s mental hospital after complaining of being abducted by one-eyed aliens then being rescued by local boy Billy Blaze.”
Billy thought, “Dang, Molly was kinda OK, really. Good thing they don’t believe her, otherwise my secret identity is revealed!”
A muscly, tall young boy guffawed dumbly. “Your babysitter’s a psycho!” he shouted to Billy.
“Knock it off,” a young black girl said to him, looking remarkably like Princess Lindsey – the fairy princess that Billy remembered from his adventure on Gnosticus IV.
“In other news,” said the broadcast on the radio, “the FBI is sending agents overseas to investigate supposed paranormal activity in Japan. The Japanese Government is refusing to let the FBI know the full details.”
A man on the radio started speaking in Japanese. A translator said, “I saw the creatures with my own eyes. They were like men with tentacles and other things. They were monstrous, but then these girls in skimpy dresses chanted weird things like “Moon Tiara Magic” and destroyed those creatures.”
“This is BS,” Billy Blaze thought. “This stuff belongs in Saturday morning cartoons, not in real life! I think that this radio has to dredge up really dumb stuff these days…”
Soon enough, there was a strange creature. It had a thin, wiry frame, like a gymnast or a runner. Tentacles of rose-thorned vines extended from its ‘hands’ and it had yellow, cat-like eyes. There were other, similar creatures with the monster, but something felt human about these monsters – almost as if a shard of humanity was still in them, but had been darkened beyond recognition. They let out a distorted howl and started attacking the bus. The bus driver thought quickly, so to save the students aboard the bus, he tried to run them over. The bulky bus was chasing after the monsters, but they leapt into the air onto the roof. Billy Blaze remembered his martial arts training from the Vorticon Masters, and proceeded to fight with the monsters.
The monsters quickly whipped at the young Billy, trying to render him with their vile vine-lashes. They howled in frustration at not being able to get Billy, who then delivered a powerful roundhouse kick to the creatures, knocking them over.
The students then ganged up together and threw the monsters out of the bus, which landed face-first. The bus sped off, hoping not to have the FBI on their tail, and get the students to school.
But soon afterwards, the monsters got up. Billy had to know what the monsters were – he resolved to go to Gnosticus IV and consult the Oracle to find out more.
Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."
Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple |
KeenRush
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 4512
(12/7/03 9:06 am)
Reply
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Re: Da, da, da, from the past.
Hmmm, pretty good stuff again! Can't wait till next chapter! 
"For years they studied, collected, catalogued. When they had learned all that they could, they began to modify." 3001: The final Odyssey |
eK
Isonian
Posts: 1367
(12/9/03 11:03 am)
Reply
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Re: Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic
Heh - Björk's debut album came out in 1993...
Though, before that she was with the Sugarcubes, and before that... well, let's just say she's been making music a LONG time. (her first album came out when she was, I believe, 8 )
Edited by: Xtraverse  at: 12/9/03 12:28 pm
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NephariteofIlian
Vortininja
Posts: 281
(1/1/04 9:28 am)
Reply
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Re: Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic
CHAPTER 2: Appointment with the Oracle
Billy Blaze donned his Greenbay Packers, transforming into Commander Keen, DEFENDER OF EARTH! Grabbing his Neural Stunner, he hopped into the new-and-improved Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket!
Commander Keen made his way to the Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket, and set a course to Gnosticus IV. His parents were out for the night, and he was racing there. Warp speed was insufficient – he went all the way to ludicrous speed.
Soon, a beautiful blue-green orb appeared, the planet of Gnosticus IV. He set down at the site of the Oracle – fortunately, this time he did not have to go to the Shadowlands – last time he went there; he nearly faced his death many a time.
He was about to enter the Oracle building – a huge guilded dome, like the Byzantine architecture. It was a beautiful site, but there was a recently consecrated statue of himself, reaching out with a torch in one hand, and a book in the other, with his foot standing on a grid iron helmet with ‘MM’ on the side. On the plaque, it said:
TO THE HEROIC CAPTAIN KEEN
WHO SAVED THE WISE ORACLE
AND BROUGHT PEACE TO THE UNIVERSE
BY DEFEATING THE GRAND INTELLECT
Commander Keen scratched out the ‘Captain’ bit and engraved ‘Commander’ above it, using his Vorticon Army Knife. But, before he was about to enter, he was accosted by a teenager with a tiara. The tiara had a gemstone in it – a single black opal – and she had the features of a young Japanese woman – a slim, but athletic beauty. She had dyed, long green hair, and wore a green sailor fuku (the mini-skirt found on a Japanese female student’s school uniform), a white shirt with a red bow on the front, green high-heels, and long white gloves with black straps on the rear of the gloves. And she looked angry...
The girl shouted something angrily in Japanese. Commander Keen was confused. “And Konichiwa to you too,” he said. But then he realised he had brushed up a little on conversational Japanese, but it would be better if she could speak in English. “Eigo ga hanasemasu ka?” Commander Keen replied.
“Yes, I speak a little English,” the girl said, in a halting voice, marked by a strong Japanese accent. “I am Sailor Gnosticus, and I will punish you, minion of the Negaverse!!”
“What the &*#$!?” Commander Keen replied. “I’ve heard of Sailor Moon, Sailor Venus, Sailor Mercury, Sailor Mars, Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Saturn, Sailor Uranus, Sailor Neptune, and Sailor Pluto, but I’ve never heard of a ‘Sailor Gnosticus’ before!!”
“It’s not just the Sol system that needs Sailor Senshi as well, baka! With the recent return of Queen Beryl, the universe needs all the help it can get! I’ll blast you into moon-dust, Negaversian creature!”
“Hey hey hey,” Commander Keen said, as Sailor Gnosticus was charging a ball of energy in her hand. “Don’t kill me! I didn’t do anything wrong! In fact, I saved the universe from Mortimer McMire, y’know!”
“How do I really know you’re telling the truth, gaijin?”
“Because, I have nothing against the Sailor Scouts!”
“That’s Sailor Senshi, baka, it means ‘soldier’! But it’s strange…I don’t sense any Negaverse energy about you…you must be OK. And the way you asked me whether I spoke English is a little too formal. Is it OK if my English isn’t that good!?”
“Your English is very good, but I just have one question.”
“Uh-hmm? If it’s asking me out for a date, sorry, you’re only eight…”
“Who are the Sailor Senshi?”
“That isn’t important right now, what is important is that you go in. Sayonara, Keen-kun,” she replied.
“Sayonara,” Commander Keen answered.
Commander Keen walked into the Oracle building, and made his way down the corridors to the central chamber, greeting the seers. They looked like wizened old men, like an image of Zeus or Odin, with red robes, beards, and they had a look in their eyes that seemed wise, but curious. They smelled of old men – because they were! “Hey,” Commander Keen said to the seers.
“Greetings, my young friend,” the seers said.
“I’ve had a critter trouble. The creature looked like a human, except it had vines sticking out of it, it had eyes like a cat, and it looked like it needed a cheeseburger or three!
“Ah…” the chief seer said. “Humanoid…plant vines…skinny…cat eyes…let’s activate the oracle and find out more…”
“THE YOUMA,” the Oracle boomed, “is a creature of the Negaverse (or Dark Kingdom as it is known in Japanese). It is the foot-soldier of the Negaverse, and there are many forms. They can be defeated similar to humans, but the Sailor Senshi are the best at dispatching them. A Neural Stunner or similar weapon may work, but it is unknown.”
“Thanks guys,” Commander Keen said.
“Always a pleasure to help the saviour of the universe, Captain Keen!” the seers said.
“It’s COMMANDER Keen, is that clear!?” Commander Keen shouted.
Commander Keen hopped back into the Bean-with-Bacon Megarocket, and blasted off back to Earth…
Ilian is the first of the Dark Apostles, the Mistress of the Void. Her realm is that of mastery of the Dark Arts, the powers of the Dark Symmetry. She is a powerful sorceress, and is believed to be the single most powerful of all the Dark Apostles, though her armies pale in comparison to Algeroth, and her siblings conspire to usurp her position in the favor of the Dark Soul.
Excerpt from Mutant Chronicles
"Beware of he who would deny you access to information, for in his heart he dreams himself your master."
Commissioner Pravin Lal, "Librarian's Preface"
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
The Nepharite's Temple |
KeenRush
Photachyon Transceiver
Posts: 4676
(1/1/04 1:56 pm)
Reply
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Re: Bit from a Commander Keen / Sailor Moon crossover fanfic
“Uh-hmm? If it’s asking me out for a date, sorry, you’re only eight…”
Anyways, well done part again! I really like these.
"For years they studied, collected, catalogued. When they had learned all that they could, they began to modify." 3001: The final Odyssey |
KeenEmpire
Keen's Empire
Posts: 667
(1/1/04 5:20 pm)
Reply
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fds
Kool. As Smith would say, "More.. more!" 
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NephariteofIlian
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 470
(7/29/04 11:58 am)
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Sorry for the bump and long wait, but here's some more!
CHAPTER 3: Mortimer who?
Meanwhile, back in the Negaverse, Mortimer was talking with Queen Beryl herself.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE NEGAVERSE,” Queen Beryl shouted to Mortimer McMire,
“Last time I tried – even though I have an IQ of 315, and he has a mere IQ of 314, I was defeated by an idiotic kick in the cods which even someone as dumb as a Dopefish could do! Then, I get teleported here!”
A nearby youma had been overhearing, and he winced in pain, imagining himself being kicked in the cods.
“So!? Why should I, the Queen of the Negaverse, care!?” Queen Beryl spoke harshly. “And what is a Dopefish?”
“A Dopefish is the second dumbest creature in the universe, which nearly ate Mr. 314 – that was a distraction anyway, but it would have been amusing to see him get eaten...anyway, what would YOU know, idiot!!”
Queen Beryl fired a negative energy beam at Mortimer McMire, sending him spiralling into agony. “YAAARRGH!” he howled. “Why did you have to do that, &#$^@!” Another blast from Queen Beryl’s hands hit Mortimer – in his cods. He winced in pain, wanting to but unable to scream. “Denigrate your master again and I will personally see to it that you are fed to my pet sharks with fricking laser beams attached!” Queen Beryl retorted.
“Hey, haven’t I heard that before somewhere?” Mortimer gasped.
“It doesn’t matter, insolent brat!”
”BRAT!?” Mortimer shouted. “I single-handedly enslaved the Vorticon race to my will, and corrupted the Shikadi – not to mention the Droidican armada I employed in attempting to destroy the universe – but Mr. 314 somehow had a hidden IQ point up his sleeve and defeated me! And you call me a mere BRAT!?”
“Yes! You’re no better than those Sailor Clods…er, I mean, Sailor Senshi…”
Mortimer made an abrupt noise, and then his face twisted into a smile. He started laughing, rolling across the floor.
“You mean something off Sailor Moon…that’s just a cartoon! In fact, this is all just an unpleasant dream thanks to that dose of extra-strong sushi I had! I’m going to wake up, in my room, right about now…” With that, Mortimer pinched himself in the arm. “OW! What did I do that for?” he said. “This…isn’t a dream?”
“Of course not, silly boy,” Queen Beryl spoke in that harpy tone of hers. “Well, I’ve been having troubles with a certain young boy – defeating my operatives in Greenbay, in Wisconsin, in the United States of America, as you call it. Here is the boy here,” Queen Beryl added, displaying an image of Billy Blaze in the school bus.
“Excellent…” Mortimer said, Mr. Burns style…
CHAPTER 4: Back at school…
Billy had trudged off to school again. After another ear-bashing plateful of Non-Stop Pop Hits FM on the school bus – he ended up hearing Britney Spears’ song Toxic (which he thought was true to its name), he was trying to figure out what was going on. Did he really see a Sailor Senshi? Well, that was unimportant as he had to go to the assembly.
The teacher was a blathering idiot – typical of your average American public school teacher, under-trained, under-paid, over-stressed and over-medicated. He looked like a surfie, complete with bleached-blonde hair, mullet and over-tanned skin. How he got from California to Wisconsin was beyond the class. The class said the Pledge of Allegiance, but Billy had noticed someone dressed differently before he entered the class.
“Dudes…er, I mean class,” the teacher said in an unsophisticated Californian surfie drawl, “I’d like to introduce a fine young student, under our school’s exchange student policy with Juuban Junior High (Commander Keen was in junior high school thanks to his vast intellect even though he was only eight), Yumiko Kanagawa!”
With that, a Japanese-looking young girl appeared from behind a door. She was a bit gawky – the kind of gawkiness one has when one is only a young teenager.
“Erh…” she muttered, “Hello, my name is Yumiko, and I am from Japan,” she said, in rough-sounding English.
“Tell us about yourself,” the teacher said to Yumiko. She was met with wolf-whistling by a small group of young boys. “I like soccer, pop music, and the mall. My hobbies are dancing and making music.”
“Hey, she’s hot,” a homeboy, who appeared to be Caucasian, said. He promptly got elbowed in the side by a butch-looking female that was next to the homeboy. Commander Keen thought she looked a bit like Sailor Gnosticus, but dismissed it. However, Yumiko winked at Commander Keen. “Ow, why did you do that, &#$^@? What’s your &*#$ing problem?” the homeboy shouted.
“We’ll have no talk like that in class, dudes!” the teacher said.
“Yo mama’s so fat…” the white homeboy shouted, but was cut off by the teacher.
“That’s it, Jimmy – this is the eighth time this week – go straight to the principal’s office!” With that, the homeboy trudged along stamping his feet as he was going.
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KeenRush 
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 6664
(7/29/04 5:27 pm)
Reply
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Re: Sorry for the bump and long wait, but here's some more!
Very very nice stuff! I really like this ke-fi, and it's getting better and better all the time.. You have skills!
We want Keen Chronicles! |
LevelLord00
Vorticon Elite
Posts: 1312
(7/30/04 12:48 pm)
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Storytime
Ah good writing.
Queen Beryl: Things are dire brat, there is a new power in the negaverse.
MM: More powerful than you?
Queen Beryl: Indeed.
MM: What?
Queen Beryl: Sailor Bjork.
MM: Aieeeee!
If no one gets whats going on- too bad!
UR A Frt Ltl Mrt Dsinhrt!
"No one should be here" -Level Lord |
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